Enjoy the humor!
He was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely
ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of him had slipped into the check-out line
pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine his delight when the
cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart, and asked
sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, an elderly man and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table. 'Young
man, we're both 90 years old, ' the husband said ..'We may not have 45
minutes.' They were seated immediately.
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The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would
'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the
aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews
responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her
father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
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Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord... 'God, what does a million years mean to
you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.'
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A penny.'
'Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'
'The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'
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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request,
dear,' he said.
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'
'But I thought you disliked Bob,' she said.
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
have to talk to you about it.'
The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'
The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what
should I do?'
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I
can find out and I'll let you know.'
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone
for three hours. You want my advice?'
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, 'Take the poison'