Thursday, June 16, 2011

How to make a woman happy... Thanks Mr. Vice!

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.



It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:



1. A friend

2. A companion

3. A lover

4. A brother

5. A father

6. A master

7. A chef

8. An electrician

9. A carpenter

10. A plumber

11. A mechanic

12. A decorator

13. A stylist

14. A sexologist

15. A gynaecologist

16. A psychologist

17. A pest exterminator

18. A psychiatrist

19. A healer

20. A good listener

21. An organizer

22. A good father

23. Very clean

24. Sympathetic

25. Athletic

26. Warm

27. Attentive

28. Gallant

29. Intelligent

30. Funny

31. Creative

32. Tender

33. Strong

34. Understanding

35. Tolerant

36. Prudent

37. Ambitious

38. Capable

39. Courageous

40. Determined

41. True

42. Dependable

43. Passionate

44. Compassionate



WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:



45. Give her compliments regularly

46. Love shopping

47. Be honest

48. Be very rich

49. Not stress her out

50. Not look at other girls



AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:



51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes



IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:



54. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* arrangements she makes





HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY







1. Leave him alone

Grandma knows the law... Thanks Clay!

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.


In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'



The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'



She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a

youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'



The defense attorney nearly died.



The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'