Good'en, good friend Clay V.!

SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam. Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted ......

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man. But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

The room erupted in applause!

DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS

Just askin' God ... Thanks good friend Bob L.!

> Just askin'
>
>
> Me: God, can I ask you a question?
>
> God: Sure.
>
> Me: Promise you won't get mad.
>
> God: I promise.
>
>
> Me: Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?
>
>
> God: What do you mean?
>
> Me: Well, I woke up late.
>
>
> God: Yes.
>
>
> Me: My car took forever to start.
>
>
> God: Okay.
>
> Me: At lunch they made my sandwich wrong and I had to
> wait.
>
>
> God: Huummm.
>
>
> Me: On the way home, my phone went dead, just as I picked up a
> call.
>
>
> God: All right.
>
>
> Me: And on top of it all, when I got home I just wanted to soak my feet in
> my new foot massager and relax, but it wouldn't work!!!
> Nothing went right today! Why did you do that?
>
>
> God: Let me see, the Death Angel was at your bed this morning and I
> had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you
> sleep through
> that.
>
> Me: (humbled): OH...
>
>
> GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on
> your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
>
> Me: (ashamed)
>
> God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didn't
> want you
> to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
>
> Me: (embarrassed): Ok...
>
>
> God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was
> going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't
> even
> let you talk to them so you would be covered.
>
>
> Me: (softly) I see God.
>
> God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to
> throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you
> wanted
> to be in the dark.
>
> Me: I'm sorry God.
>
>
> God: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me.....in all things, the good
> and the bad.
>
>
> Me: I will trust you.
>
> God: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your
> plan.
>
> Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, thank you for everything
> today.
>
>
> God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God, and
> I love looking after my children.
>
>
>
> Resend if you believe in HIM.

Kim Jung Un and o Thanks Nita E. (I think ;) )

Kim Jung Un

I am really concerned about North Korea 's appointment of Kim Jung Un to be the new leader of North Korea-- a nuclear power!

Kim Jung Un had NO military experience whatsoever before Daddy made him a four-star general in the military. This is a snot-nose twerp who has never accomplished anything in his life that would even come close to military leadership: he hasn't even so much as led a Cub Scout troop, coached a sports team or commanded a military platoon. So guess what---next they make him the "beloved leader" of the country. Terrific!

Oh, crap! I'm sorry. I just remembered that we did the same thing here in the USA . We took an arrogant community organizer who has
never worn a uniform and made him Commander-in-Chief; a guy who has never had a real job, worked on a budget or led anything more than an ACORN demonstration, and made him the leader of this country.

I'm sorry I brought this up. Never mind.