If Boxer, Pelosi, Reid and Durbin say so it must be true! ;) LOL!
The
Americans With No
Abilities
Act
President Barack
Obama and the
Democrat-controlled congress are considering sweeping legislation
that will provide new benefits for many Americans.
The Americans
With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal
by advocates of the millions of Americans
who
lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not
possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a
meaningful role for themselves in society," said
California Sen.
Barbara Boxer. "No longer can
we
stand by and allow People of Inability
(POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With
this legislation, employers
no longer will be able to grant special favors to a small
group of workers, simply
because they have some idea of what they are
doing."
In a Capitol Hill
press conference, House
Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry
Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal
Service, which
has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without
regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees
lack any job skills, making this agency the
single
largest U.S. employer of
Persons With No Ability.
Private-sector
industries with good records of non-discrimination against the
inept include retail sales (72
percent), the airline industry (68
percent), and home-improvement warehouse stores
(65 percent). At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also
has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63
percent). [O’D
NOTE: I have to disagree WRT VA, whose MVB is
generally top notch the past several
years…]
Under the
Americans
With No Abilities Act, more than
25 million mid-level
positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little
real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance.
Mandatory
non-performance-based raises and
promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility
for even the most unremarkable employees. The
legislation provides
substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a
significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into
middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker
for every two talented hires.
Finally, the
Americans With No Abilities
Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to
discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for
example, discriminatory
interview questions such as,
"Do
you have any skills or experience that relate to this
job?"
"As
a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up
with people who have something going for
them," said Mary Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut
twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability
to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. "This
new law should be real good for people like me.
I'll
finally have job security." With the passage of this bill, Gertz
and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a
light at the end of the tunnel.
Said
Sen.
Dick Durbin: "As
a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that
elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American
with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen,
regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space
to take up in this great nation
and
a good salary for doing so."