How do court reporters keep a straight face? ... Thx Nita E!

How do court reporters keep straight faces?

TOO FUNNY NOT TO PASS ON!!
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

May God continue to keep watch over you. 

Karen

<*))))><      @}->-->---      ='.'= 

You will never leave where you are until you decide where you would rather be.

From Thomas Paine's "Common Sense ... Another SamKat Rant ...

Are we there yet, mommy? ... repeat ... repeat

From Thomas Paine's "Common Sense", page nineteen:

"It was not the Boston Tea Party itself but British reaction to it which made the event so critical in accelerating the rush of events to war and independence.  The British government over-reacted.  In seeking to punish the colonists it used repressive force so unexpected and so intense that it served only to produce new recruits for the militant cause.  These measures were embodied in what the colonists labeled the 'intolerable acts' .  The port of Boston was closed until the tea was paid for and assurances were given that His Majesty's customs would be paid.  The Charter of Massachusetts was revoked, giving the royal governor more power.  Trials for capital offenses in Massachusetts were moved to England and the Quartering Act was made more onerous, requiring locaql authorities to find quarters for English troops within twenty-four hours."

obama in his narcissistic arrogance is getting to our limit of tolerance, nearing that of the War of Independence.

Why must our constitutional government be led by such a traitorous one?

Please wake up AMERICA!

SamKat

Media Wrong-headed for America

I loved playing school sports beginning in my sixth grade.  I loved ball sports, and I found out that the newspapers were covering even our Saturday morning games in Portsmouth, Ohio.   Nice!

Now, I'm approaching eighty-one and the tables are turned.  I love my Christianity and conservative causes of this wonderful country.  Our media now says that these things are evil:

White conservative talk show hosts
Republicans
Whites
Christians
Churches
The Constitution
Tea Party gatherings (largley ignoring theitr peaceful gatherings of patriotic support)




The media supports  other things of opposite thought as necessary, even ignoring what the conservative Christian Americans believe in:

Black racists (Christians have helped lead the black people out of slavery and white racism)
Liberals
Hollywoood types Good looking but small thinking)
Bigger government
a pass on excessive national debt
Government spending out of control
Occupiers (ignoring their many arrests and unacceptable social behavior)
Lack of presidential leadership in Benghazi, the IRS politicizing conservatives.


Barack Hussein obama and his speech writers who advance some sweet sounding platitudes for him to read on his teleprompter put words forth and action far, far behind.  Is that what leading from behind means?  This traitorous supposed potus doesn't have a notion to control the big government spending.  He has many takers eating out of his hand-outs of our tax paying moneys.

He gains points with the largely uninformed who don't care to be bothered by repeating that conservatives are the 'flat earth society', evil, oppressive, non-compromising, close-minded people.  obama never truly compromisies)

How is that secular poll results show that the American populace is eighty-six per cent 'believers in God' and fourteen per cent 'non-Believers'?

I find these facts to be astoundingly bad for our country. 

Wake up, America!

What made American the most blessed nation in history ... Thx Lyle S!

The Old Paths

 

I like this!!

 

I wish the old paths were before us instead of behind us

THE OLD PATHS

I liked the old paths, when
Moms were at home.
Dads were at work.
Brothers went into the army.
And sisters got married BEFORE having children!

Crime did not pay;
Hard work did;
And people knew the difference.

Moms could cook;
Dads would work;
Children would behave.

Husbands were loving;
Wives were supportive;
And children were polite.

Women wore the jewelry;
And Men wore the pants.

Women looked like ladies;
Men looked like gentlemen;
And children looked decent.

People loved the truth,
And hated a lie.

They came to church to get IN,
Not to get OUT!

Hymns sounded Godly;
Sermons sounded helpful;
Rejoicing sounded normal;
And crying sounded sincere.

Cursing was wicked;
Drugs were for illness.

The flag was honored;

America was beautiful;
And God was welcome!

We read the Bible in public;
Prayed in school;
And preached from house to house.

To be called an American was worth dying for;
To be called an American was worth living for;
To be called a traitor was a shame!

I still like the old paths the best! 

'PASS IT ON!

Dr. J and the UK Convention in Middletown Ohio.

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Yes, there is a Kentucky Convention in Ohio.  UK fans are ubiquitous!  Dr. J wrote a UK Newsletter as the internet was becoming popular in the mid-Nineties.  Jim Porter of Middletown is one of us die-hard UK Basketball fans: however,  he gathers notable speakers  from and about UK sports on the third weekend of July each year.  Dr. J did another wonderful job of coverage here as he always does.  I am from Portsmouth Ohio, but I love the Buckeye football and UK basketball programs.  UK football could surprise this year with Mark Stoops (an Ohio native) leading the program.        SamKat

 

Kentucky Convention JUly 22 at Middletown, OH Inbox x Sam Kegley 5:45 AM (23 hours ago) Judi and Dr. J, Did either of you attend the Kentucky Convention last Saturday? 3 older messages Dr. J 9:05 AM (20 hours ago) I'm off to work, I'll write about it tonight when I get back. Was surprised a... Dr. J 8:55 PM (8 hours ago) to me, Judi More on the convention... I actually spoke first (after Jim Porter), announcing our club's collection of signatures for a UK Ohio license plate.   I reminded Jim about my needing to get a message out sometime during the day, and poor Jim only remembered me (and introduced me) as "J", so I had to tell the audience that I was Dr J.   Got well over a dozen signatures so I considered the announcement successful. First 3 speaks were West Lakota High School football head coach Larry Cox, Larry Vaught, and Matt Layow (former UK defensive end) who each spoke about football.   Cox, being a HS coach, was free to talk about recruits and prospective recruits, whereas a UK coach wouldn't have been able to do this for kids who had not yet signed.   Vaught pointed out that although Kentucky fans within the state are excited, the excitement hasn't trickled out yet to many sportswriters or opponent's coaches.   And it was mentioned that UK recruiting, although vastly improved, is still considered to be last in the conference.   Although it's early for 2014 recruiting, UK is presently ranked 3rd in the nation on that.   There's a lot of talk about renovating Commonwealth Stadium, which is interesting to me because it seems like we just had a major renovation a few years ago. Next was Preston Spradlin, director of UK basketball operations.   He's been with Calipari for a few years now but is still one of the more junior members of the staff.   He told some Bill Keightley stories which shook some of us up, I'm very happy to see that the young generation has an appreciation of that man.  Can't really remember much of what he said except that unlike many coaches and assistants he enjoyed teaching at basketball camps and continues to do so.    Steve Mott appeared and touted his UK Daily Basketball Calendars.   I'm a friend of his co-worker, John Spaulding, who sold them at UK events down in Atlanta (he and I were at an awful lot of game watch parties together).  Those calendars have become regular Christmas stocking-stuffers of mine and I usually buy a dozen or more late in the year.   During lunch at Bob Evans a couple who had just entered as I was leaving noticed my shirt, and I explained that there was a UK convention going on nearby.   Maybe we'll get a couple more visitors next year!  Still haven't made it over to Mom's Restaurant, maybe next year I'll breakfast there before the convention... After lunch Jeff Sheppard appeared, and as you may have heard, his comments were repeated and debated around Big Blue Nation afterwards.   They had a video and audio crew for this convention, I think it was from a Louisville TV station.   Jeff said nothing really controversial, he doesn't like one-and-one any more than the rest of us but he didn't blame Coach Cal for it.   I was astonished to see some of the blog vitriol against him.    The only thing he said that surprised me was his attitude regarding Coach Cal and Rick Pitino.   Jeff said that a relationship with a coach was of supreme importance to a player, and how he thought that Cal's players very nearly worshipped him.   But then Jeff said that this holds to the extent that when he goes to the Louisville basketball offices to visit Coach Pitino, he feels more at ease with him than when he visits Coach Cal at UK.   Rick was his coach, after all, and Cal was an opponent that Sheppard twice played against during the 1995-96 championship season when Cal was at UMass.   That shocked many of us, but some (like me) have never had a coach, so we don't know that much about that particular rapport. Can't remember the name of the guy who came next (Richie?), but he was a member of the Committee of 101 and he told us about the history of that organization.   Did not realize that the committee raises money for scholarships for the children of its members.    Finally, new women's basketball coach John House spoke.   Porter originally had Matthew Mitchell lined up but at the last minute something came up and Matt couldn't make it.   House expressed surprise as a UK outsider that when he first moved to Lexington and reached his hotel at 1 AM, the staff recognized him, and someone took a picture of him with them, ran across the street to a Kinko's to print it, then brought it back to have it autographed.   John didn't expect such notoriety for a lowly women's assistant basketball coach.   House and I left at the same time, and I chatted with him about UK coming up to Dayton - the Lady Kats used to play Dayton and Miami (O) quite a lot in basketball on a home-and-home basis, and many fans up here are eager to see the Wildcats' return.   John said that discussions were underway, and that although the upcoming season's schedule is complete, and the 2014-15 schedule is perhaps 80% finished, there could be games as early as the 2015-16 season and UK and those schools are trying to make it happen. Additional photos appear of Jim Porter, Preston Spradlin, Steve Mott, Jeff Sheppard, and John House (my photos of the Committee of 101 guy weren't good enough to distribute). 5 attachments — Download all attachments   View all images   Share all images   P7200027.A.jpg 139K   View   Share   Download   P7200031.A.jpg 110K   View   Share   Download   P7200044.A.jpg 102K   View   Share   Download   P7200052.A.jpg 83K   View   Share   Download   P7200064.A.jpg 130K   View   Share   Download