Senior Jokes ... Thx Gary I !

A Couple in their late 60’s are both having problems remembering

things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're

physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to

help them remember ..

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his

chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write

it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it

down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!

Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness

sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man

returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast?'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after

eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out

to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very

highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name

of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's

red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the

kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went

to last night?'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being

discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one

elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a

suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the

hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him

to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom

changing out of her hospital gown.'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in the house

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It

cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's

perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a

gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're

really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and

be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart

murmur; be careful.'

One more. . .!

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled

himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his

breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Now, before you 'forget ', send them on to some other folks you know

who could use a good laugh!!

Henry Kissinger is now 94 years old ... Thx Dr. Jim Ki !

Subject: Kissinger is now 94 years old ... I know this is long, but … it's worth it!  It will only take a couple of minutes to read (and you might complain) but you can and probably do spend hours and hours listening to the liberal left on the news and NOT complain or do anything about it.  JUST READ IT!!!!! -----Original Message----- REMEMBER THIS GIANT!! Kissinger  is now 94 years old (See his 13 points at the end). Recently,  Henry Kissinger did an interview and said vary amazing things  regarding President Trump.  He starts with:   “Donald  Trump is a phenomenon that foreign countries haven’t seen  before”! The  former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger gives us a new  understanding of President Donald Trump’s foreign policy and  predicts its success:  “Liberals and all those who favor  (Hillary) Clinton will never admit it. They will never admit that  he is the one true leader. The man is doing changes like never  before and does all of it for the sake of this nation’s  people.   After eight years of tyranny, we finally see a  difference.” Kissinger  knows it and he continues with:“Every  country now has to consider two things: One, their perception that  the previous president, or the outgoing president, basically  withdrew America from international politics, so that they had to  make their own assessments of their necessities. And secondly,  that there is a new president who’s asking a lot of unfamiliar  questions. And because of the combination of the partial vacuum  and the new questions, one could imagine that something remarkable  and new emerges out of it.” Then  Kissinger puts it bluntly:  “Trump  puts America and its people first. This is why people love him and  this is why he will remain in charge for so long. There is not a  single thing wrong with him and people need to open their  eyes.”  When he boasts that he has a “bigger red button” than  Kim Jung Un does, he so transcends the mealy-mouthed rhetoric of  the past, thereby forcing a new recognition of American  power.    Kissinger  once wrote:   “The  weak grow strong by effrontery – The strong grow weak through  inhibition!” No sentence better captures the U.S.-North Korea  relationship Trump  is discarding the inhibitions and calling the bluff on North  Korea’s effrontery:   His  point is that the contrast of American retreat under Obama and its  new assertion of power under Trump creates a new dynamic that  every one of our allies and of our enemies must consider.   Our allies grew complaisant with Obama’s passivity and now are  fearful due to Trump’s activism. And they must balance the two in  developing their policies:   They  realize that the old assumptions, catalyzed by Bush 43’s  preoccupation with Iraq and Obama’s refusal to lead are  obsolete.  So, Trump is forcing a new calculus with a new  power behind American interests.  Those — here and abroad —  who rode the old apple cart worry about its being  toppled. But,  as Kissinger so boldly stated:   “Trump  is the one true leader in world affairs and he is forcing policy  changes that put America first! ” This  is the most accurate statement of what the American   Citizens who live outside of the swamp want and expect from  their government. I  like the list of 13 things that I, as a senior American citizen,  want.Trump  is at least talking about issues that most Americans are concerned  about. My mantra about Trump is this: Truthfully, We are in  agreement with most of what he says.  We are getting older  and our tickers aren't what they used to be, but what matters is  that he covers most of the 13 things we as seniors want, at least  I do for sure 1.   Hillary: held accountable for her previous wrongs! 2.  Put "GOD" back in America! 3.  Borders: Closed or tightly guarded! 4.  Congress: On the same retirement & healthcare plans as  everybody else. 5.  Congress:Obey  its own laws  NOW! 6.  Language: English only! 7.  Culture: Constitution and the Bill of Rights! 8.  Drug-Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before & during  Welfare! 9.  Freebies:NONE  to Non-Citizens! 10.  Budget: Balance the damn thing! 11.  Foreign Countries: Stop giving them our money! Charge them for our  help! We need it here. 12.  Term  limits for congress And  most of all. 13.  "RESPECT OUR MILITARY AND OUR FLAG!"And  our police. We  the people are coming!                             Only  86% will send this on.                                                                Should  be 100%