My mother taught me- Blaine Bierley

> 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
> "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
>
> I just finished cleaning."
>
> 2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
> "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
>
> 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
> "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle
> of next week!"
>
> 4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
> " Because I said so, that's why."
>
> 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
> "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
> going to the store with me." well duh!
>
> 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
> "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
> accident ." (everyone learned that one)
>
> 7. My mother taught me IRONY.
> "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
>
> 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
> "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
>
> 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
> "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
>
> 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
> "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
>
> 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
> "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
>
> 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
> "If I told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't
> exaggerate!"
>
> 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
> "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
>
> 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
> "Stop acting like your father!"
>
> 15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
> "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
> don't have wonderful parents like you do."
>
> 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
> "Just wait until we get home."
>
> 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
> "You are going to get it when you get home!"
>
> 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
> "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck
> that way."
>
> 19. My mother taught me ESP.
> "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
>
> 20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
> "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
> (can I crawl to you then?)
> 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
> "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
>
> 22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
> "You're just like your father."
>
> 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
> "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
> 24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
> "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." (never happen)
> 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
> "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.
> YIKES, IT CAME TRUE!!!!!!!!
>
>