Southern Women- Dr. Ralph Hovermale e-mail

Subject: Southern Women! Love it!















Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can.."
"How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint
Straw hats and big sunglasses

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Ste el Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern

charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna


Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food



More Suth en-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption
fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
___
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas,
beans, etc., make up "a mess."
___
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
"yonder."
___
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to
town, be back directly."
___
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
middle of the table.
___
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the
term, but they know the concept well.
___
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a
neighbor whose got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl
of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also
know to add a large banana puddin!
___
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a
right far piece. "They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or
20.
___
Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a
redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
___
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn.
___
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
adverb.
___
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ..... and when we're
"in line," we talk to everybody!

___
In the South, y'a ll is singular, all y'all is plural.
___
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
___
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that
fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
___
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are
in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
___
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea," "sweet milk," and "light bread"...
Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our
tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. And "Light
bread" is white bread.
___
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ...
and go your own way.
___
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take
two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.
Bless your heart!
___
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this
Southern stuff, .... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have
classes on Southernness as a second language!
___ ;
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long
time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I
ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!


Now... Shugah, s end this to someone who was raised in the South or wish
they had been!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
We know you got here as fast as you could.