Red Skelton's recipe... Thanks Pat Whitehead!

Subject: Fw: RED SKELTON'S RECIPE




For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more............







RED SKELTON'S RECIPE

FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE







1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food and companionship

She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.



2. We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..



3. I take my wife everywhere....

but she keeps finding her way back.



4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested the kitchen.



5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.



6. She has an electric blender, electric

toaster and electric bread maker.

She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place

to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.



7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well

because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."



8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.



9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late

for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"



10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.



11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her

first name was Always.



12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months

I don't like to interrupt her.



13. The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!"





Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it........these were the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless."