Ramblings of a retired mind ... Thx Ramey H!

Ramblings of a Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell

phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.  I can't

afford one.  So, I'm  wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my  hearing aid and now I have what they

Call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that

people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands

on beer cans!

I thought about  making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it

'Pumping Rust'.

I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease.  That's when your chest

is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you

got a cat?'  Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in

case of an emergency.  I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot

more as they get older.  Then, it dawned on me.  They were

cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

Birds of a feather  flock together . . . .and  then poop on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The older you get,  the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then

your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a

replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in

mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when

he's really in trouble..

Did you ever notice:  When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS'

together it spells 'Theirs...'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about

your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me, I want

people to know 'why' I look this way.  I've traveled a long way

and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth,

think of Algebra.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is

such a nice change from being young.  Ah, being young is beautiful,

but being old is comfortable.

Lord, Keep your arm  around my shoulder and your hand over

my mouth .

. ... AMEN