English and it idiosyncracies ,,, Thx Sarah R!

FOR THOSE  WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF  ENGLISH: ONE  TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE   TEQUILA, ......  FLOOR. ATHEISM IS A  NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION. IF  MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE  MONKEYS AND APES? I  WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP  SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE  PURPOSE. WHAT  IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS? IF A  DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH  SOAP? IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL  HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE  SITUATION? IS THERE  ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM? WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT  ALL?" WHAT  DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED  PLANT? IF A  PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS  WAGES? WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A  WALK? WHY  DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION TOILETS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL  BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM? IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR  NAKED? IF THE  POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN  SILENT? WHY  DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK  MACHINES? HOW  DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD  SIGNS? WHAT  WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD? ONE  NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER  PEOPLE. DOES  THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA? (This one took me a minute) HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL  WAR? IF YOU  ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE  HUNGRY? IF  YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU  DONE? WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN  IT? WHY IS IT  CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT  THEM? WHY  IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM? IF  YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME  DISORIENTED? CAN AN  ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?