Those fabulous Jewish Commedians ... Thx Pidge F!

> > *Those fabulous Jewish Comedians*
> > *the old Jewish Catskill comics*
> > *Of Vaudeville days:*
> > *Shecky Greene* *, *
> > *Red Buttons* *, *
> > *Totie Fields* *,*
> > *Joey Bishop* *, *
> > *Milton Berle* *,*
> > *Jan Murray* *, *
> > *Danny Kaye* *,*
> > *Henny Youngman* *, *
> > *Buddy Hackett* *,*
> > *Sid Caesar* *, *
> > *Groucho Marx,*
> > *Jackie Mason* *,*
> > *Woody Allen* *,*
> > *Lenny Bruce* *,*
> > *George Burns* *,*
> > *Allan Sherman* *,*
> > *Jerry Lewis, *
> > *Carl Reiner* *,*
> > *Shelley Berman* *, *
> > *Gene Wilder,*
> > *George Jessel* *,*
> > *Alan King,*
> > *Mel Brooks* *,*
> > *Phil Silvers* *,*
> > *Jack Carter* *, *
> > *Rodney Dangerfield* *, *
> > *Don Rickles* *,*
> > *Jack Benny*
> > *Mansel Rubenstein*
> > *And so many others.*
> > 
> > *There was not one single swear word in their comedy.*
> > 
> > *Here are a few examples:*
> > 
> > ** I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to 
> > the
> > airport.*
> > 
> > ** I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever 
> > finds out, she'll kill me!*
> > 
> > ** What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making
> love?
> > "Honey, I'm home!"*
> > 
> > ** Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't bereporting it. The 
> > thief spends less than my wife did.*
> > 
> > ** We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.*
> > *** *My wife and I went back to the*
> > *hotel where we spent our wedding night;*
> > * Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and
> > cried.*
> > 
> > *My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called 
> > it the Dead Sea .*
> > 
> > *She was at the beauty shop for two hours.* *That was only for the 
> > estimate.* *She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.* *Then 
> > the mud fell off.*
> > 
> > ** The Doctor gave a man six months to live.* *The man couldn't pay 
> > his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.*
> > 
> > ** **The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying,* *"Mrs. Cohen, your check 
> > came back. " * *Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"*
> > 
> > ** Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I am 60!"*
> > *Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"*
> > 
> > ** **Patient:* *"I have a ringing in my ears."*
> > *Doctor:* *"Don't answer!"*
> > 
> > ** A drunk was in front of a judge.*
> > *The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." * *The drunk 
> > says "Okay, let's get started."*
> > 
> > ** Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?* *They're worth it.*
> > 
> > *The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like 
> > Chinese food so much.* *The study revealed that this is due to the 
> > fact that **Won Ton* *spelled backward is **Not Now* *.*
> > 
> > *There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. * 
> > *In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it 
> > graduates from medical school.*
> > 
> > *Q:* *Why don't Jewish mothers drink? *
> > *A:* *Alcohol interferes with their suffering.*
> > 
> > *Q:* *Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?*
> > *A: **They never let anyone finish a sentence!*
> > 
> > *A man called his mother in Florida , *
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > *"Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very 
> > weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I 
> > haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't 
> > you eaten in
> > 38 days?" The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be 
> > filled with food if you should call."*
> > 
> > *A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a 
> > part in the play. * *She asks, "What part is it?"* *The boy says, "I 
> > play the part of the Jewish husband." * *"The mother scowls and says, 
> > "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."*
> > 
> > *Q:* *How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?*
> > *A:* *(Sigh)* *"Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be 
> > a nuisance to anybody."*
> > 
> > 
> > *Short summary of every Jewish holiday: *
> > 
> > *They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat. * *Did you hear about the 
> > bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said,* *"Lady, 
> > I haven't eaten in three days." * *"Force yourself," she replied.*
> > 
> > *Q:* *What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? 
> > *
> > *A:* *Eventually, the Rottweiler will let go.*
> > 
> > *Q:* *Why are Jewish men circumcised?*
> > *A:* *Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.* 
> > *Memories of the good ole days* *.*
> >