SamKat

www.skegley.blogspot.com The Blog of Sam Kegley. Many of my posts to this site are forwarded from trusted friends or family which I acknowledge by their first Name and last initial. I do not intend to release their contact info.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Watch your language! ... Thx JB and TJ!

Handyman Husband 
Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: 
"Windows frozen, won't open." 
Husband texts back: 
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." 
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: 
"Computer really messed up now.”   

skegley.blogspot.com at 4:34 PM No comments:
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Bacon Tree


       The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving.  They are about to just lie down and await death when all of a sudden Luis says, "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?  Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Ees, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.  There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double-smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, wees saved!  Ees a bacon tree!"

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage?  Wees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon ... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree.  He gets to within 5 feet.  Pepe, is crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up and Luis drops like a wet sock.  Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe... Go back, man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree.   

Ees....

Ees.....

Ees....

Ees....

Ees...

Ees....


Ees..... a ham bush...."


SORRY.  I know there's something wrong with me for sending you this.  Just couldn't help it.  Little voices made me do it !
                              







skegley.blogspot.com at 1:33 PM No comments:
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Letterman's top ten reasons rot vote democrat - Excellent Paul C! I can think of NO other reasons.




Paul Claxon 
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Paul Claxon

4:57 AM (3 hours ago)
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                LETTERMAN'S TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT


#10.  I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my German Shepherd.
  
#9.  I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same     gallon at 15% isn't.

#8.  I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
  
      #7.  I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6.  I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.  I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5.  I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.
  
      #4.  I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves.  They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2.  I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

... And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our  own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America.  We don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.
  
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"... Albert Einstein
         =======================
I know you all will appreciate this definition.  The best description of Obamacare so far:
Remember when Nancy Pelosi said:
"We have to pass it, to find out what's in it."
A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample."
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
To


Paul Claxon (airclaxon@frontier.com)

CcBcc
Letterman's Top ten reasons to vote Democrat - Excellent Paul!


                LETTERMAN'S TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT


#10.  I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my German Shepherd.
  
#9.  I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same     gallon at 15% isn't.

#8.  I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
  
      #7.  I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6.  I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.  I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5.  I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.
  
      #4.  I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves.  They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2.  I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

... And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our  own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America.  We don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.
  
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"... Albert Einstein
         =======================
I know you all will appreciate this definition.  The best description of Obamacare so far:
Remember when Nancy Pelosi said:
"We have to pass it, to find out what's in it."
A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample."
  
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skegley.blogspot.com at 8:35 AM No comments:
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skegley.blogspot.com
Westerville, Born in Portsmouth OH now Westerville OH, United States
Author of eleven published books. Started this blog in 2008. As interviews proceed with different topic lines, they could become other books by the author. Born Nov. 13, 1932 in Portsmouth, Ohio. Retired Metallurgical Engineer in January, 1998- BS degree University of Kentucky, 1961.
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