Jokes ... thx Paul C!

Two Ladies Talking in  Heaven

1st woman:    Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman:   Hi! Sylvia.  How'd you die?

1st woman:    I froze to death.

2nd woman:   How horrible!

1st woman:    It wasn't so bad. After I quit  shaking from the cold, I
began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
about you?

2nd woman:   I died of a  massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman:    So, what happened?

2nd woman:   I was so sure there was another woman  there somewhere
that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the
attic and searched, and down into the basement.  Then I went through
every closet and checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I
had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just
keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman:   Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still
be alive.

PRICELESS
 *****
A man had just settled in to his seat next to the window on the plane
when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador
Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement
Agency and that the dog was a ‘sniffing dog’.

‘His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I’ll show you once we
get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said,
‘Watch this.'

He told Sniffer to 'search'.

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very
purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then
returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman’s arm.

The Policeman said, ‘Goodboy’, and he turned to the man and said,
'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her
seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

'Gee, that's pretty good,'replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles..

The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds,
returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent’s
arm.

The Policeman said, ‘That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m
making a note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it!' said his seat mate.

The Policeman then told Sniffer to ‘search' again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for
a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the
middle seat and proceeded to shit on the seat.

The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn’t
figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he
asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'

The Policeman nervously replied, ‘He's just found a bomb.'