Aging ... Thx Sarah R!

WE ALL GET OLD IN THE END....

• I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

 

• Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

 

• You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

 

• I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

 

• I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

 

• Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

 

• The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

 

• I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.

 

• Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

 

• If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

 

• Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

 

• Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

 

• Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

 

• At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

 

• I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.

 

• I don’t have to go to school or work.I get an allowance every month.

 

• I have my own pad.

 

• I don’t have a curfew.

 

• I have a driver’s license and my own car.

 

• I have ID that gets me into bars and the whisky store.

 

• The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.

 

• And I don’t have acne.

 

• Life is great. I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names