Great excercise and diet ideas from my good Portsmouth OH friends Ron and Bob!

> *Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
> this true? *
> A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on
> exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you
> live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want
> to live longer? Take nap.
>
> *Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?*
> A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they
> take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.
> Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
>
> *Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?*
> A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you
> have two body, your ratio two to one.
>
> *Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
> program? *
> A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
>
> *Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?*
> A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more
> vegetable be bad?
>
> *Q* : *Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
> middle? *
> A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be
> doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
>
> *Q: Is chocolate bad for me? *
> A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best
> feel-good food around!
>
> *Q: Is swimming good for your figure? *
> A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
>
> *Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? *
> A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
>
> Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
> about food and diets.
>
> And remember:
> *Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
> safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in
> sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
> thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"*
>
>
> AND.....
>
> For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
> nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
> conflicting nutritional studies.
>
> 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
> Americans.
>
> 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
> Americans.
>
> 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
> than Americans.
>
> 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
> Americans...
>
> 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and
> suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
>
>
> CONCLUSION: *Eat and drink what you like.* *Speaking English is
> apparently what kills you.*