Rest easily- most of our congressmen are lawyers. They represent us and our voting record. Mama Mia!
Sam
----- Original Message -----
From: lou22flo@copper.net
To: Bill Hartman
Sent: 2009-01-16 10:05
Subject: SAY WHAT?
Too funny not to share!
Subject: SAY WHAT?
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people ACTUALLY said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place. Unbelievable....
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WI TNESS: Are you shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you for real? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a b eard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
rephrase that?
________ _ ________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy
on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh.....are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
And the best for last: DRUM ROLL PLEASE!
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Friday, January 16, 2009
Jefferson: A Funding Genius- Thanks Lou Flores!
----- Original Message -----
From: louflo22@yahoo.com
To: bhartman
Sent: 2009-01-15 22:56
Subject: Jefferson: A Founding Genius
A very smart man
Thomas Jefferson in some cases could be called a prophet.
When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe,
We shall become as corrupt as Europe.
Thomas Jefferson
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those
Who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson
It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes.
A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.
Thomas Jefferson
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the
Government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense
Of taking care of them.
Thomas Jefferson
<>
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results
From too much government.
Thomas Jefferson
No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
Thomas Jefferson
The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear
Arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
Thomas Jefferson
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of
Patriots and tyrants.
Thomas Jefferson
To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which
He disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson
Very Interesting Quote
In light of the present financial crisis, it's interesting to read what Thomas
Jefferson said in 1802:
'I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than
Standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control
The issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and
Corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all
Property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers
Conquered.
From: louflo22@yahoo.com
To: bhartman
Sent: 2009-01-15 22:56
Subject: Jefferson: A Founding Genius
A very smart man
Thomas Jefferson in some cases could be called a prophet.
When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe,
We shall become as corrupt as Europe.
Thomas Jefferson
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those
Who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson
It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes.
A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.
Thomas Jefferson
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the
Government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense
Of taking care of them.
Thomas Jefferson
<>
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results
From too much government.
Thomas Jefferson
No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
Thomas Jefferson
The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear
Arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
Thomas Jefferson
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of
Patriots and tyrants.
Thomas Jefferson
To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which
He disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson
Very Interesting Quote
In light of the present financial crisis, it's interesting to read what Thomas
Jefferson said in 1802:
'I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than
Standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control
The issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and
Corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all
Property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers
Conquered.
Law of the Garbage Truck- Thanks Pat!
Patricia Richards (PHS 50) sent this nugget of wisdom. I have been there and done that. Let us each try to be kinder and gentler even in the ugliest situations.
Thanks Pat!
Good one to read and learn!
The Law of the Garbage Truck
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, “Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck." He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
Have a blessed, garbage-free day.
Thanks Pat!
Good one to read and learn!
The Law of the Garbage Truck
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, “Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck." He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
Have a blessed, garbage-free day.
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