Cowboy Ken and the Genie ... Sarah's bro. T.J. finds a truly funny ...

Sam Kegley

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A Cowboy Named Ken 1 message

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TJ DU	Thu, Apr 2, 2020 at 8:03 AM
TJ T. J. DU  “It's not what you don't know - it's what you do know that ain't so.” A modern-day cowboy named Ken has spent many days crossing the South Dakota prairies without water. His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.  He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.  He opens it and out pops a genie named Patty. But she is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull grey outfit. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie, 'You know how I work.. You have three wishes.'  'I'm not falling for this,' said the Cowboy, 'I'm not going to trust an IRS genie.'  'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'  The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.   ‘ OK! I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.'    ***POOF***    The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.  'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish..'  'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'  ** *POOF***  The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.  'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'  After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'    ***POOF***  He was turned into a tampon.  Moral of the story: If the U.S. Government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.

For our kids and for us seniors ... Thx Marge R!

This is what all of us 80+-year-olds, and those yet-to-be, have to look forward to!!  This is something that happened at an assisted living center.  The people who lived there had small apartments but they all ate at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly, so she went back to the dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room but found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a devil of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.

She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first stair step so they called an ambulance for him.

A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing.

The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one side of his boxer shorts.

We need to send this to our children so they don't sell the house before they know all the facts.

Surgical News for the Family Thx T.J. D. !

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your brother at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, "How much will a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a Democrat's brain; $200 for a Republican's brain."

The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrats actually had to try not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the Republicans.

Another brother unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the Democrat's brain so much more than a Republican's brain"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Republicans' brains a lot lower because they're used."

SEND THIS TO A Republican WHO NEEDS A LAUGH, AND TO ANY Democrat WHOM YOUTHINK CAN HANDLE A JOKE,

"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian."

Henry Ford

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Last Ride on My Harley ... Thx Paul C!

 Last Ride…

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

"As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better but I know my wife is   going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch with the Harley, I guess."

Paul C,

I thought this was an interesting little ditty until that last line, good friend.  I can't let Jeanie know that I nearly gave out a belly laugh, because it is truly funny ... 

Old Sam