THIS IS A LITTLE LONG, BUT A VERY GOOD READ.
CLAY
I just got this. Some people would probably go ballistic when reading this. I didn't. In fact, I laughed at the logic and phrasing, if not the actual argument itself. The sheer audacity of this guy for taking on the subject matter! Anyway, I thought you'd find it interesting and provocative.
Cheers.
As you will recall, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. is the Harvard professor who
got arrested by Cambridge Police a month or so ago.
Fred Reed was a police reporter for one of the large Washington
newspapers. He now writes a column which can be googled ~ "Fred on
Everything."
Fred published a weekly online column in which he got to say the things
his editors would never, ever have let him write in the paper. His stuff
is iconoclastic and various articles have probably offended everyone ...
regardless of political orientation. So, with the warning that "This is
definitely not politically correct," here comes Fred.....
The following is an essay regarding the failings of a system and a
culture. Please note that he elegantly describes the mood of many
Americans and he does so without prejudice.
Slavery Reparations ...........by Fred Reed!
On the Web I find that Henry Louis Gates Jr., the chairman of
Afro-American Studies at Harvard, is demanding that whites pay
reparations to blacks. It's because of slavery, see. He is joined in
this endeavor by a gaggle of other professional blacks. I guess
he'll send me a bill, huh?
I feel like saying, "Let me get this straight, Hank. I'm slow. Be
patient.
You want free money because of slavery, right? I don't blame you."
I'd like free money too. Tell you what. I believe in justice ... I'll give
you a million dollars for every slave I own, and another million for every
year you were a slave. Fair enough? But tell me, how many slaves
do you suppose I have? In round numbers, I mean...say to the nearest
dozen. And how long were you a slave?
Oh. In other words, I owe you reparations for something that I didn't
do and didn't happen to you. That makes sense. Like lug nuts on a
birthday cake.
Personally, I think you owe me reparations for things you didn't do and
never happened to me. I've never been coated in Dutch chocolate and
thrown from the Eiffel Tower. I'll bet you've never done it to anyone.
I want reparations. Kind of silly, isn't it?
But if we're going to talk about reparations, that's a street that runs in
two directions. You want money from me for what some other whites did
to some other blacks in another century?
How about you guys paying whites reparations for current expenses
caused by blacks? Not long ago blacks burned down half of Los Angeles,
a city in my country. Cities are expensive, Hank. Build one sometime and
you'll see what I mean. Whites had to pay taxes to repair Los Angeles for
you. You can send me a check.
Now, yes, I know you burned LA because you didn't like the verdict in
the trial of those police officers. Well, I didn't like the verdict in the
Simpson trial. But I didn't burn my house and loot Korean grocers, or
burn down a city.
Over the years blacks have burned a lot of American cities: Newark,
Detroit, Watts, on and on. Now add in the fantastic cost over the years
of welfare in all its forms, the cost of all of those police calls
people had to make, for cells and jails and security systems in department stores.
I can't live in the capital city of my own country because of crime
committed by blacks. Toss in the cultural cost of lowering standards in
everything for the benefit of blacks. See what I mean?
Now, I'd view things differently if you said to me, "Fred, blacks can't get
anywhere in a modern country without education. We know that. We
need better schools, smarter teachers, harder courses, books with smaller
pictures and bigger words. Can you help us?"
I'd say, "Hallelujah! Hoo-ahh! Not just yes, but hell yes. Let's sell
an aircraft carrier and get these folks some real schools and get them
into the economic main-stream.' I'd say it partly because it would be the
right thing to do, and partly because I'd like to add you guys to the tax
base.
The current custodial state is expensive. I'd just love for blacks to study
and learn to compete and stop burning places. But is it going to happen?
You may not believe it, but I, and most whites, don't like seeing blacks
as miserable and screwed up as they are.
I spend a fair amount of time in the projects. Those places are ugly.
It's no fun watching perfectly good kids turn into semi-literate dope
dealers who barely speak English. It just plain ain't right. But, Hank,
what am I supposed to do about it? I can't do your children's homework.
At some point, people have to do things for themselves, or they don't get done.
Maybe it's time.
I'll tell you what I see out in the world, Hank ... I think blacks are
too accustomed to getting anything they want by just demanding it. True, it
has worked for over half a century. Get a few hundred people in the
street, implicitly threaten to loot and burn, holler about slavery, and
sadly the Great White Cash Spigot turns on.
Thing is, whites don't much buy it any longer. Most recognize that what
once was a civil-rights movement has become a shakedown game. Few
people still feel responsible for the failings and inadequacies of blacks.
Political correctness keeps the lid on -- but everyone knows the score.
Which scares me, Hank.
On one hand, blacks hate whites and incline toward looting and burning.
(The whites you hate are the ones who marched in the civil-rights
movement. Ever think about that?)
On the other hand, whites quietly grow wearier and wearier of it. Not
good, Hank.
On the third hand (allow me three hands, for rhetorical convenience),
blacks keep demanding things. As I write, you demand reparations for
slavery. Blacks in Oklahoma (I think it was) want money for some ancient
race riot.
Other blacks reject the Declaration of Independence. Blacks in New York
hint broadly at burning and looting over a trial, yet more demand the
elimination of the Confederate flag, and the federal equal opportunity
apparatus, which means blacks want to sue Silicon Valley for not hiring
nonexistent black engineers. That's a lot of demanding for one month,
Hank.
What happens if whites ever say, "No"?
Now, how about you? You've got a cushy job up there at Harvard, and you
can hoot and holler about what swine and bandits whites are. I guess
it's lots of fun, and you get a salary for it to boot. But don't you think
you might do blacks more good if you told them to complain less and study
more?
For example, if you want blacks to work in Silicon Gulch, the best
approach might be to find some really smart black guys, and get them to
study digital design ~ not Black Studies (as you teach). That's how everybody
else does it. It works. Then blacks wouldn't feel left out, and racial
tensions would decline. Sound like a plan?
Just out of curiosity, how many hours a week do professors of
Afro-American Studies spend in the projects, encouraging poor black
kids to study real-life sho-nuf subjects?
~~~
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, August 31, 2009
Glen Beck's programs questioning our White House
Thanks John Massey. Have we lost all free speech in America? It seems our White House occupants intend so.
----- Original Message -----
From: John Massey
To: John & Yvette Massey
Sent: Monday, August 31, 2009 9:54 AM
Subject: Fw: Glenn Beck Has Brass Gonads by Doug Giles
John & Yvette Massey
1988 Marblecliff Crossing Court, Columbus, Ohio 43204-4966.
Telephone: 614-486-7102; E-mail:.
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: "MaxDarbyOaks@aol.com"
To: MaxDarbyOaks@aol.com
Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 4:19:55 PM
Subject: Glenn Beck Has Brass Gonads by Doug Giles
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Glenn Beck Has Brass Gonads
by Doug Giles
Don’t you know Obama and his ilk wish to God (or whoever the heck they wish to) that Glenn Beck would fall into adultery with an Argentinean newswoman, or cut his jugular vein while shaving, or show up drunk, high and naked to his FOX show and forever be publically vilified, marginalized and thus muzzled?
Beck has formally joined Rush as an Official Pain in Barack Obama’s Backside (OPIBOB). (Are you an OPIBOB yet?) Yep, not only has Obama’s administration called Rush out, but the White House has now phoned Beck during his TV show in an attempt to get him to dial the heck down.
Glenn said this past week that Barack’s minions were actually calling his show while he was on air because he was being a meany. When I heard this I was sitting there eating pretzels and drinking a martini thinking: Are you kidding me? Is Perez Hilton running the White House? The White House is actually calling Beck during his program in an attempt to get him to cease and desist his digs? Wow . . . sounds, pretty gay to me. No offense to gay people, of course.
So, what’s next, Whine House? Are you gonna post an angry note on Beck’s Facebook wall? Are you going to place Glenn’s picture on the White House website and draw naughty stuff on his forehead? Unbelievable. Not only do we have to contend with and check a radical Socialist-in-Chief at every point, but we also have to a field a cheeky, paranoid, oversensitive staff that makes Nixon look like Andy Griffith’s Aunt Bee.
So, what’s all the hubbub about? Why is Beck under their epidermis? Well, it’s principally because he asks questions. And if there is one thing that derails the Hope and Change Train, it’s questions. Oh, I almost forgot: Facts also get them purty PO’ed. Questions and facts . . . can’t have that. Yep, both of those little damnable ditties are detrimental to Obama’s oligarchical grasp.
For those who missed Beck’s week of must-see TV, he boldly parleyed into the President’s court questions several million of us want to ask but don’t have a top-ranked TV show on the most watched cable news channel to get the proper respect and response. Here’s a little sample of Beck’s mischievous queries. On Monday he inquired:
- We are in so much debt, why spend more borrowed money on cap-and-trade and healthcare programs before we stop the flow of red-ink?
- The stimulus package funneled billions of dollars to ACORN. How does giving billions of dollars to ACORN stimulate the economy?
- If it was so important for congress to pass the stimulus bill before they even had time to read it, why has only a fraction of the stimulus money been spent 6 months later?
- Why won’t members of Congress read the bills before they vote on them?
- Why are citizens mocked and laughed at when they ask their congressman to read the bills before they vote on them?
- How did Van Jones, a self-proclaimed communist, become a special advisor to the president?
- Did President Obama know of Van Jones’ radical political beliefs when he named him special advisor?
- The Apollo Alliance claimed credit for writing the stimulus bill—why was this group allowed to write any portion of this bill?
- If politicians aren’t writing the bills and aren’t reading the bills, do they have any idea what these 1,000-page plus bills actually impose on the American people?
- If the “public option” health care plan is so good, why won’t politicians agree to have that as their plan?
- If town hall meetings are intended for the politicians to learn what’s on our mind—why do they spend so much time talking instead of listening?
- Is using the economic crises to rush legislation through congress what Rahm Emanuel meant when he talked about “not letting a crisis go to waste”?
- What are the czars paid? What is the budget for their staffs/offices?
On Tuesday Beck wondered aloud:
- Who is “surrounding” the President in the White House?
- Do any of the President’s advisers have criminal records?
- Are the President’s advisers working to better the country or their own ideals?
- Who are the anti-capitalists in Washington?
- What roles do they have in crafting bills?
- What was “STORM”? What happened to the founders, and where are they now?
- What qualifications must one have to be a Presidential adviser?
- Should a communist have the ear of the President of the United States?
- What role did the Apollo Alliance play in crafting bills?
- Does the President know the co-founder of the Weather Underground is a board member of the Apollo Alliance?
On Wednesday Glenn wanted to know:
- Why does the FCC have a diversity “czar”?
- Who is Mark Lloyd, and how does he plan to “balance” the airwaves?
- Will he bring back the Fairness Doctrine, or worse?
- Cass Sunstein once said he wants to balance the Internet; is that next?
- Will broadcasters who leave the airwaves be allowed to go to satellite or Internet without government regulation?
- Is there any place (that has a mass audience) where the government won’t regulate free speech?
- Why does it seem every member of the Obama advisory team hates capitalism, unless those companies (like G.E.) are in bed with the administration?
If Lloyd has his way, stations that don't comply with the government’s definition of the “public interest” will have to pay a massive fine—which helps support public broadcasting:
- What will be the definition of “public interest”?
- Who defines “public interest”?
- Why should it be balanced? Because it's public airwaves? (Well, there are public roads that go by my house, and I don't count how many Republicans and Democrats are driving on them.)
On Thursday GB thought:
- Why do we need a civilian force?
- Who is posing a threat to us?
- Who will this “force” be made up of?
- Who is the real enemy?
- Does the president know of a coming event? If not, who builds an army against an unrecognized enemy?
- Why won't the media get off their butts and look into these radicals in the White House? And into this civilian army?
(*For the full list visit: http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articles/article/198/29631/) You see, Beck was just asking questions. Hey, White House . . . Can we not ask questions anymore? Is that verboten? Can we not ask our elected officials to explain themselves, elucidate a bit about their odd buddies and make clear their policies and proposals?
Can we not question you boys with boldness, hold to the truth, and speak without fear of reprisal? Huh?
In the words of my redneck hunting buddy, better known as the West Texas Warrior, “Why, hell we can!” Not only can we, ladies and gents, but we must.
Uh, correct me if I’m wrong, but this is our nation; this ain’t Cuba or Venezuela yet. We pay the government’s bills, and therefore they answer to us, they represent us—and if they don’t then we take their airplanes, limos, mistresses and five-star hotels away from them. Yeah, I believe that’s how it’s supposed to work.
Keep asking the hard questions, boys and girls. Don’t let them tread on you.
Great job, Mr. Beck.
----- Original Message -----
From: John Massey
To: John & Yvette Massey
Sent: Monday, August 31, 2009 9:54 AM
Subject: Fw: Glenn Beck Has Brass Gonads by Doug Giles
John & Yvette Massey
1988 Marblecliff Crossing Court, Columbus, Ohio 43204-4966.
Telephone: 614-486-7102; E-mail:
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: "MaxDarbyOaks@aol.com"
To: MaxDarbyOaks@aol.com
Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 4:19:55 PM
Subject: Glenn Beck Has Brass Gonads by Doug Giles
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Glenn Beck Has Brass Gonads
by Doug Giles
Don’t you know Obama and his ilk wish to God (or whoever the heck they wish to) that Glenn Beck would fall into adultery with an Argentinean newswoman, or cut his jugular vein while shaving, or show up drunk, high and naked to his FOX show and forever be publically vilified, marginalized and thus muzzled?
Beck has formally joined Rush as an Official Pain in Barack Obama’s Backside (OPIBOB). (Are you an OPIBOB yet?) Yep, not only has Obama’s administration called Rush out, but the White House has now phoned Beck during his TV show in an attempt to get him to dial the heck down.
Glenn said this past week that Barack’s minions were actually calling his show while he was on air because he was being a meany. When I heard this I was sitting there eating pretzels and drinking a martini thinking: Are you kidding me? Is Perez Hilton running the White House? The White House is actually calling Beck during his program in an attempt to get him to cease and desist his digs? Wow . . . sounds, pretty gay to me. No offense to gay people, of course.
So, what’s next, Whine House? Are you gonna post an angry note on Beck’s Facebook wall? Are you going to place Glenn’s picture on the White House website and draw naughty stuff on his forehead? Unbelievable. Not only do we have to contend with and check a radical Socialist-in-Chief at every point, but we also have to a field a cheeky, paranoid, oversensitive staff that makes Nixon look like Andy Griffith’s Aunt Bee.
So, what’s all the hubbub about? Why is Beck under their epidermis? Well, it’s principally because he asks questions. And if there is one thing that derails the Hope and Change Train, it’s questions. Oh, I almost forgot: Facts also get them purty PO’ed. Questions and facts . . . can’t have that. Yep, both of those little damnable ditties are detrimental to Obama’s oligarchical grasp.
For those who missed Beck’s week of must-see TV, he boldly parleyed into the President’s court questions several million of us want to ask but don’t have a top-ranked TV show on the most watched cable news channel to get the proper respect and response. Here’s a little sample of Beck’s mischievous queries. On Monday he inquired:
- We are in so much debt, why spend more borrowed money on cap-and-trade and healthcare programs before we stop the flow of red-ink?
- The stimulus package funneled billions of dollars to ACORN. How does giving billions of dollars to ACORN stimulate the economy?
- If it was so important for congress to pass the stimulus bill before they even had time to read it, why has only a fraction of the stimulus money been spent 6 months later?
- Why won’t members of Congress read the bills before they vote on them?
- Why are citizens mocked and laughed at when they ask their congressman to read the bills before they vote on them?
- How did Van Jones, a self-proclaimed communist, become a special advisor to the president?
- Did President Obama know of Van Jones’ radical political beliefs when he named him special advisor?
- The Apollo Alliance claimed credit for writing the stimulus bill—why was this group allowed to write any portion of this bill?
- If politicians aren’t writing the bills and aren’t reading the bills, do they have any idea what these 1,000-page plus bills actually impose on the American people?
- If the “public option” health care plan is so good, why won’t politicians agree to have that as their plan?
- If town hall meetings are intended for the politicians to learn what’s on our mind—why do they spend so much time talking instead of listening?
- Is using the economic crises to rush legislation through congress what Rahm Emanuel meant when he talked about “not letting a crisis go to waste”?
- What are the czars paid? What is the budget for their staffs/offices?
On Tuesday Beck wondered aloud:
- Who is “surrounding” the President in the White House?
- Do any of the President’s advisers have criminal records?
- Are the President’s advisers working to better the country or their own ideals?
- Who are the anti-capitalists in Washington?
- What roles do they have in crafting bills?
- What was “STORM”? What happened to the founders, and where are they now?
- What qualifications must one have to be a Presidential adviser?
- Should a communist have the ear of the President of the United States?
- What role did the Apollo Alliance play in crafting bills?
- Does the President know the co-founder of the Weather Underground is a board member of the Apollo Alliance?
On Wednesday Glenn wanted to know:
- Why does the FCC have a diversity “czar”?
- Who is Mark Lloyd, and how does he plan to “balance” the airwaves?
- Will he bring back the Fairness Doctrine, or worse?
- Cass Sunstein once said he wants to balance the Internet; is that next?
- Will broadcasters who leave the airwaves be allowed to go to satellite or Internet without government regulation?
- Is there any place (that has a mass audience) where the government won’t regulate free speech?
- Why does it seem every member of the Obama advisory team hates capitalism, unless those companies (like G.E.) are in bed with the administration?
If Lloyd has his way, stations that don't comply with the government’s definition of the “public interest” will have to pay a massive fine—which helps support public broadcasting:
- What will be the definition of “public interest”?
- Who defines “public interest”?
- Why should it be balanced? Because it's public airwaves? (Well, there are public roads that go by my house, and I don't count how many Republicans and Democrats are driving on them.)
On Thursday GB thought:
- Why do we need a civilian force?
- Who is posing a threat to us?
- Who will this “force” be made up of?
- Who is the real enemy?
- Does the president know of a coming event? If not, who builds an army against an unrecognized enemy?
- Why won't the media get off their butts and look into these radicals in the White House? And into this civilian army?
(*For the full list visit: http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articles/article/198/29631/) You see, Beck was just asking questions. Hey, White House . . . Can we not ask questions anymore? Is that verboten? Can we not ask our elected officials to explain themselves, elucidate a bit about their odd buddies and make clear their policies and proposals?
Can we not question you boys with boldness, hold to the truth, and speak without fear of reprisal? Huh?
In the words of my redneck hunting buddy, better known as the West Texas Warrior, “Why, hell we can!” Not only can we, ladies and gents, but we must.
Uh, correct me if I’m wrong, but this is our nation; this ain’t Cuba or Venezuela yet. We pay the government’s bills, and therefore they answer to us, they represent us—and if they don’t then we take their airplanes, limos, mistresses and five-star hotels away from them. Yeah, I believe that’s how it’s supposed to work.
Keep asking the hard questions, boys and girls. Don’t let them tread on you.
Great job, Mr. Beck.
For those who celebrated the 911- Dan Baird e-mail
You have probably read this before, but it's well worth reading again. The second part is new so please read the whole thing and then pass it on.
TRUST ME, THIS IS WONDERFUL!!! READ ON……………………
The Budweiser Story
(not a joke)
This is TRUE!
How Budweiser handled those who laughed at those
who died on the 11th of September,
2001...
Thought you might like to know what happened
in a little town north of Bakersfield , California
After you finish reading this,
please forward this story on to others
so that our nation and people around the world
will know about those who laughed
when they found out about the tragic events
in New York , Pennsylvania , and the Pentagon.
On September 11th,
A Budweiser employee was making a delivery
to a convenience store in a California town
named McFarland.
He knew of the tragedy that had occurred
in New York when he entered the business
to find the two Arabs, who owned the business, whooping and hollering to show their approval
and support of this treacherous attack.
The Budweiser employee went to his truck,
called his boss and told him
of the very upsetting event!
He didn't feel he could be in that store with those
horrible people. His boss asked him,
'Do you think you could go in there long enough
to pull every Budweiser product and item
our beverage company sells there?
We'll never deliver to them again.'
The employee walked in,
proceeded to pull every single product his
beverage company provided and left
with an incredible grin on his face.
He told them never to bother to call for
a delivery again.
Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice
for that community.
Just letting you know how Kern County
handled this situation. And Now
The Rest Of The Story:
It seems that the Bud driver and the Pepsi man
are neighbors. Bud called Pepsi and told him.
Pepsi called his boss who told him to
pull all Pepsi products as well!!!
That would include Frito Lay, etc.
Furthermore, word spread and
all vendors followed suit! At last report, on June 26, 2009,
Fareed Katib closed the store and filed bankruptcy!
Good old American
Passive-Aggressive A$$ Whoopin!
Pass this along, America needs to know
that we're all working together!
If you can read this.
Thank a teacher...
If you are reading it in English....
THANK A SOLDIER!!!
TRUST ME, THIS IS WONDERFUL!!! READ ON……………………
The Budweiser Story
(not a joke)
This is TRUE!
How Budweiser handled those who laughed at those
who died on the 11th of September,
2001...
Thought you might like to know what happened
in a little town north of Bakersfield , California
After you finish reading this,
please forward this story on to others
so that our nation and people around the world
will know about those who laughed
when they found out about the tragic events
in New York , Pennsylvania , and the Pentagon.
On September 11th,
A Budweiser employee was making a delivery
to a convenience store in a California town
named McFarland.
He knew of the tragedy that had occurred
in New York when he entered the business
to find the two Arabs, who owned the business, whooping and hollering to show their approval
and support of this treacherous attack.
The Budweiser employee went to his truck,
called his boss and told him
of the very upsetting event!
He didn't feel he could be in that store with those
horrible people. His boss asked him,
'Do you think you could go in there long enough
to pull every Budweiser product and item
our beverage company sells there?
We'll never deliver to them again.'
The employee walked in,
proceeded to pull every single product his
beverage company provided and left
with an incredible grin on his face.
He told them never to bother to call for
a delivery again.
Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice
for that community.
Just letting you know how Kern County
handled this situation. And Now
The Rest Of The Story:
It seems that the Bud driver and the Pepsi man
are neighbors. Bud called Pepsi and told him.
Pepsi called his boss who told him to
pull all Pepsi products as well!!!
That would include Frito Lay, etc.
Furthermore, word spread and
all vendors followed suit! At last report, on June 26, 2009,
Fareed Katib closed the store and filed bankruptcy!
Good old American
Passive-Aggressive A$$ Whoopin!
Pass this along, America needs to know
that we're all working together!
If you can read this.
Thank a teacher...
If you are reading it in English....
THANK A SOLDIER!!!
Friendly Skies- George Kegley and Fred Ramsey
Thanks brother George and Fred Ramsey! Good comments for us 'sometimes' flyers of the friendly skies.
----- Original Message -----
From: speck6085@aol.com
Sent: Monday, August 31, 2009 6:04 AM
Subject: Fwd: Friendly skies
-----Original Message-----
From: Fred Ramsey
Sent: Mon, Aug 31, 2009 12:52 am
Subject: Friendly skies
Airline Announcements?
United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
*************************************
On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. '
*************************************
'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'
*************************************
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
***************************************
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'
*******************************************
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'
*************************************
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'
*************************************
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo .. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
***********************************
'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'
***********************************
'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses........except for that gentleman over there.'
******************************************
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City . The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
****************************************
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
****************************************
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways..'
****************************************
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
****************************************
This is for those of you who like to fly the friendly skies of civilian airways..........CFR
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.... OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry i f I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'
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----- Original Message -----
From: speck6085@aol.com
Sent: Monday, August 31, 2009 6:04 AM
Subject: Fwd: Friendly skies
-----Original Message-----
From: Fred Ramsey
Sent: Mon, Aug 31, 2009 12:52 am
Subject: Friendly skies
Airline Announcements?
United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
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On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. '
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'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'
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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'
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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'
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Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'
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Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo .. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
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'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'
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'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses........except for that gentleman over there.'
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Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City . The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
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After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
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Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways..'
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Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
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This is for those of you who like to fly the friendly skies of civilian airways..........CFR
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.... OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry i f I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'
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