AnAtheist Walks Through the Forest ... Thx Lyle S!

Subject:  Funny !

 

 

 

An Atheist Was Walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers!  'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look ...   And saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could along the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him ... He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer ... And then ...... He tripped and fell. Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him ...... Reaching towards him with its left paw ......  And raising the right paw to strike ... At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my Godㅡ!'  Time stopped ...  The bear froze ... ... The forest was silent ...... A bright light shone upon the man, ... And a voice came out of the sky ... "... YOU DENY my existence for all those years,  ... You teach others I don't exist, And even credit creation to cosmic accident ...... Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament!?" "... Am I to count you as a believer?!” The atheist looked directly into the light ... "... It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now ...  But ... perhaps, you could make the BEAR a Christian!?" ... A pause ... "... Very well ", said the voice ... . . . . . . ... The light went out.  The sounds of the forest resumed ... The bear dropped his right arm ...  Brought both paws together ...  Bowed his head & spoke ... "... Lord, ... bless this food, which I am about to receive and to have. Amen - ! "

 

 

Old Geezer ... Thx Ramey H!

                          Dr. Geezer's Clinic...

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.

    

He    put a sign up outside that said: "Dr.Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to 
Dr.Geezer's clinic. 

Dr. Young: "Dr.Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??" 

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." 

Dr. Young: Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"  

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back.That will be $500." 

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Dr. Young:  "Oh, no you don't,  -- that is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back .  That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.  

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak    ---  I can hardly see anything !!!!

Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, " Here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)

  

Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!

  

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back!  That will be $500."

Moral of story  --  Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"

Clay V's Parable about a smart donkey ... Thx Clay!

 

SMART ASS One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. he would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five simple rules to be happy: Free your heart from hatred - - Forgive. Free your mind from worries - - Most never happen. Live simply and appreciate what you have. Give more. Expect less. NOW............ Enough of that crap . ..The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.. MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong,  and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you. You have two choices...smile and close this page, or pass this along to someone else to spread the fun.

4 times Married 4 husbands ... Thx Clay V uh ,,, maybe

4 Times Married
   4  Husbands
The  local news station was interviewing  an 80-year-old  lady because she
had just  gotten married  for the fourth time.
The  interviewer asked her  questions about her life,  about what it  felt
like to be marrying again at  80, and then  about her new husband's
occupation.

"He's a  funeral director," she  answered. "Interesting,"  the newsman
thought.

He then  asked her if she wouldn't mind  telling him a  little about her
first three husbands  and what they  did for a living. She paused for a  few
moments,  needing time to reflect on all  those years.  After a short time,
a smile came to her face and  she answered proudly, explaining  that she had
first married
a banker when she was in her 20's,
then a circus ringmaster when in  her 40's, and
  a preacher when in her 60's, and  now
- in her  80's - a funeral  director.
The  interviewer looked at her, quite  astonished, and asked  why she had
married four men  with such  diverse  careers.





(Wait  for it)





She  smiled and explained,  "I married ONE  for
the money,  TWO for the show, THREE to get  ready,
and FOUR  to go!!!!"



(Oh, just  hush-up and send this one on to somebody
who needs a laugh.)