Great Wit in Signs ... Thx Judi C and Wallingford Signs in Seattle!

Back in 2005, the local Chevron gas station in Seattle’s Wallingford neighborhood converted their auto repair shop into a convenience store.  Their outdoor sign—once used for service promotions and store specials—became redundant with the inside of the store already plastered with signage.   So the owners decided to have fun with the outdoor sign instead, and the @WallingfordSign was born.  This weekly sign message has become so popular, it has become a more effective marketing tool for the gas station than anything prior.

 

 

 

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The Wit of Phyllis Diller ... Thx Judi C!

Sam Kegley

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The Wit of Phyllis Diller 1 message

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Judi Cole	Mon, Jul 31, 2017 at 6:27 PM
Bcc: skegley.kegley@gmail.com
She sure had a unique sense of humor!!  The Wit of Phyllis Diller Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is the like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Phyllis Diller The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Phyllis Diller Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. Phyllis Diller I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. Phyllis Diller Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. Phyllis Diller We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. Phyllis Diller You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. Phyllis Diller I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. Phyllis Diller What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally put gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? Phyllis Diller His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. Phyllis Diller Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. Phyllis Diller My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. Phyllis Diller There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. Phyllis Diller I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. Phyllis Diller My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor . Phyllis Diller My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. Phyllis Diller  Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. Phyllis Diller I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.' Phyllis Diller The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. Phyllis Diller You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. Phyllis Diller Virus-free. www.avast.com

Andy Rooney's sayings ... Thx Clay V!

This is a great oldie; perhaps you’d like to enjoy it again.  Have a great weekend!

FROM ONE FRIEND TO ANOTHER                           >      Please take a moment and read all the way to the bottom:  If you will take the time to read these. I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis: > Written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words.   Enjoy...... > > I've  learned .... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. > > I've learned .... That when you're in love, it shows. > > I've learned .... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day > > I've learned .... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. > > I've learned .... That being kind is more important than being right. > > I've learned .... That you should never say no to a gift from a child. > > I've learned .... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way > > I've learned .... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy  with. > > I've learned .... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand > > I've learned .... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. > > I've learned .... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. > > I've learned .... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. > > I've learned .... That money doesn't buy class. > > I've learned .... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. > > I've learned ... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. > > I've learned .... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. > > I've learned .... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. > > I've learned .... That love, not time, heals all wounds. > > I've learned .... That the easiest way for  me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. > > I've learned .... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. > > I've  learned .... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. > > I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. > > I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. > > I've learned .... That when you harbour bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere > > I've learned .... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away. > > I've learned .... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. > > I've learned .... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. > > I've learned .... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his  little fist, that you're hooked for life.     I've learned .... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.       I've learned ....  That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done. > > To all of you.... Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence. > > It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you  consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends. HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!!!!!! YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED! Now send this to every friend you have!! And to your family.        >

Will Rogers wit ... Thx Judi C!

Never Squat With Your Spurs On! Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the greatest political country/cowboy sages this country has ever known. Some of his sayings: 1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. 12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ABOUT GROWING OLDER... First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.  Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.  Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.  Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.  Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.  Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.  Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.  Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.  Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.  Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.    Today it's called golf.  And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

Wisdom of Will Rogers... Thanks Pat Richards Whitehead!

I claim that Adolph Rupp, Kentucky's inimitable basketball coach, was close behind the fabulously witty Will Rogers in wit.   Will could handle a rope and politicians and Adolph could handle basketball teams exceptionally well!  I always enjoy Will and I will always be appreciative of Coach Rupp!  True talent endures!

SamKat




Subject: Will Rogers Words of Wisdom











Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following:



1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.



2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.



3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.



4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.



5. Always drink upstream from the herd.



6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.



7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.



8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.



9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.



10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.



11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.



12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:

When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.



ABOUT GROWING OLDER...



First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.



Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.



Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.



Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.



Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.



Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.



Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.



Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.



Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.



Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.



And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.