You have wisdom and good taste in forwards, Marge!
The Bible
Did you know that when you carry "the Bible," Satan has a headache, when you open it, he collapses, when he sees you reading it, he loses his strength, AND when you stand on the Word of God, Satan can't hurt you! And did you also know... when you are about to forward this email to others, the devil will discourage you, but let's do it anyway.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
When I say I'm broke, I'm broke! Thanks Terri Kusner!
Subject: WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE
This senior knows how to handle those "sales people"....
WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE!
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,
to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time,
I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'
'Go away!' said the old lady. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money!'
and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
'Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure
from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'
The old lady stepped back and said, 'Well let me get you a fork,
'cause they cut off my electricity this morning.'
This senior knows how to handle those "sales people"....
WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE!
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,
to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time,
I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'
'Go away!' said the old lady. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money!'
and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
'Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure
from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'
The old lady stepped back and said, 'Well let me get you a fork,
'cause they cut off my electricity this morning.'
Fun test for seniors Thanks Marge and Nana!
Marge and Nana, It was fun. I missed one and a half, but the old steel trap mind of mine (on the bottom of ther ocean for a few years) remembered instantly when I checked the answers.
Sam
Subject: A Test for Old Kids
DON'T LOOK BELOW FOR THE ANSWERS UNTIL YOU HAVE TRIED IT OUT!
A TEST FOR OLD KIDS
I was picky who I sent this too. It had to be those who might actually remember. So have some fun my sharp-witted friends. This is a test for us 'old kids'! The answers are printed below, but don't cheat.
01.After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.
02.When the Beatles first came to the U.S. .In early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.
03'Get your kicks, __________________.'
04.'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to ___________________.'
05.'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.'
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____________.'
07.Nestle's makes the very best . .. . . _______________.'
08.Satchmo was America 's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09.What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.
10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________. '
11.Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ &_______________.
13.In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This was a tribute to ___________________.
14.We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the __ ______________.
ANSWERS :
01..The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02.The Ed Sullivan Show
03..On Route 66
04..To protect the innocent.
05.The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06.The limbo
07.Chocolate
08..Louis Armstrong
09.The Timex watch
10.Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
11.Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
12.Beetle or Bug
13.Buddy Holly
14.Sputnik
15.Hoola-hoop
Send this to your 'old' friends, (better known as Seniors.) It will drive them crazy ! And keep them busy and let them forget their aches and pains for a few minutes
Sam
Subject: A Test for Old Kids
DON'T LOOK BELOW FOR THE ANSWERS UNTIL YOU HAVE TRIED IT OUT!
A TEST FOR OLD KIDS
I was picky who I sent this too. It had to be those who might actually remember. So have some fun my sharp-witted friends. This is a test for us 'old kids'! The answers are printed below, but don't cheat.
01.After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.
02.When the Beatles first came to the U.S. .In early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.
03'Get your kicks, __________________.'
04.'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to ___________________.'
05.'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.'
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____________.'
07.Nestle's makes the very best . .. . . _______________.'
08.Satchmo was America 's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09.What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.
10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________. '
11.Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ &_______________.
13.In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This was a tribute to ___________________.
14.We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the __ ______________.
ANSWERS :
01..The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02.The Ed Sullivan Show
03..On Route 66
04..To protect the innocent.
05.The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06.The limbo
07.Chocolate
08..Louis Armstrong
09.The Timex watch
10.Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
11.Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
12.Beetle or Bug
13.Buddy Holly
14.Sputnik
15.Hoola-hoop
Send this to your 'old' friends, (better known as Seniors.) It will drive them crazy ! And keep them busy and let them forget their aches and pains for a few minutes
Please forgive the language of "One Mad Farmer"
Thanks Clay Vice!
One mad farmer.....
I thought you might find some truth and humor in this one.
THIS MONTANA FARMER HAS HIT THE PROVERBIAL NAIL RIGHT ON THE HEAD!
This says it all, no matter your politics.
Alan Simpson, Senator from Wyoming, calls senior citizens the Greediest Generation as he
Compared "Social Security" to a Milk Cow with 310 million teats.
August, 2010.
Here's a response in a letter from a unknown farmer in Montana....
I think he is a little ticked off! He also tells it like it is !
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey Alan, let's get a few things straight..
1. As a career politician, you have been on the public tit for FIFTY YEARS.
2.. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 Years old. I am now 63).
3 My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for Decades until you political punkes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero ambition losers in return for votes, thus Bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme That would have made Bernie Madoff proud.
4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and your ilk pulled the Proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing Retirement and moved the goal posts for full retirement from age 65 to Age 67. NOW, you and your shill commission are proposing to move the Goalposts YET AGAIN.
5. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare
From Day One, and now you morons propose to change the rules of the Game.. Why? Because you idiots mismanaged other parts of the economy To such an extent that you need to steal money from Medicare to pay The bills.
6. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our Entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you incompetent bastards spent our money so profligately that You just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come To the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR debt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To add insult to injury, you label us "greedy" for calling "bullshit" on your incompetence.
Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for YOU.
1. How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during Your pathetic 50-year political career?
2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and
How much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the
American taxpayers?
3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?
4. What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare benefits are you
Proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or, as usual,
Have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?
It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators called Congress who are the "greedy" ones. It is you and your fellow nutcases Who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from Millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers. And for what? Votes. That's right, Sir. You and yours have bankrupted America for the sole purpose of Advancing your pathetic political careers. You know it, we know it, and You know that we know it.
And you can take that to the bank, you miserable ASS.
If you like the way things are in America, delete this. If you agree with
What a fellow citizen says, PASS IT ON!!!!
"It's never too late to have a happy childhood!"
One mad farmer.....
I thought you might find some truth and humor in this one.
THIS MONTANA FARMER HAS HIT THE PROVERBIAL NAIL RIGHT ON THE HEAD!
This says it all, no matter your politics.
Alan Simpson, Senator from Wyoming, calls senior citizens the Greediest Generation as he
Compared "Social Security" to a Milk Cow with 310 million teats.
August, 2010.
Here's a response in a letter from a unknown farmer in Montana....
I think he is a little ticked off! He also tells it like it is !
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey Alan, let's get a few things straight..
1. As a career politician, you have been on the public tit for FIFTY YEARS.
2.. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 Years old. I am now 63).
3 My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for Decades until you political punkes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero ambition losers in return for votes, thus Bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme That would have made Bernie Madoff proud.
4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and your ilk pulled the Proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing Retirement and moved the goal posts for full retirement from age 65 to Age 67. NOW, you and your shill commission are proposing to move the Goalposts YET AGAIN.
5. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare
From Day One, and now you morons propose to change the rules of the Game.. Why? Because you idiots mismanaged other parts of the economy To such an extent that you need to steal money from Medicare to pay The bills.
6. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our Entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you incompetent bastards spent our money so profligately that You just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come To the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR debt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To add insult to injury, you label us "greedy" for calling "bullshit" on your incompetence.
Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for YOU.
1. How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during Your pathetic 50-year political career?
2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and
How much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the
American taxpayers?
3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?
4. What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare benefits are you
Proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or, as usual,
Have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?
It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators called Congress who are the "greedy" ones. It is you and your fellow nutcases Who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from Millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers. And for what? Votes. That's right, Sir. You and yours have bankrupted America for the sole purpose of Advancing your pathetic political careers. You know it, we know it, and You know that we know it.
And you can take that to the bank, you miserable ASS.
If you like the way things are in America, delete this. If you agree with
What a fellow citizen says, PASS IT ON!!!!
"It's never too late to have a happy childhood!"
Kentucky priorities... Thanks Evelyn Stroube!
Subject: Kentucky Priorities
The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman, as President of the United States.
A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father in Kentucky and says, 'So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'
'I don't think so. It's a long drive, your mother isn't as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.'
'Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'
'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?'
Oh Dad, she replies, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York.
'Honey,' Dad complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.'
The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York and I’ll ensure your meals are salt free. Dad, I really want you to come.'
So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, arrives to see his daughter sworn in as President of the United States.
In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States.’
The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.'
Dad says proudly, 'Her brother played basketball at UK.'
The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman, as President of the United States.
A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father in Kentucky and says, 'So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'
'I don't think so. It's a long drive, your mother isn't as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.'
'Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'
'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?'
Oh Dad, she replies, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York.
'Honey,' Dad complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.'
The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York and I’ll ensure your meals are salt free. Dad, I really want you to come.'
So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, arrives to see his daughter sworn in as President of the United States.
In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States.’
The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.'
Dad says proudly, 'Her brother played basketball at UK.'
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