Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
Friday, September 21, 2018
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
Saturday, August 6, 2016
Women are loving this Trump Ad ... Thx Paul C!
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Rambling of a retired lady's mind ..,., Thx Judi C! (not retired)
RAMBLINGS OF A RETIRED MIND.............
Today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walks over to me and asks, "what brings you in today?"
I looked at her, and said, I'm interested in buying a refrigerator. She didn't quite know how to respond. Am I getting to be that age?
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today are those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it 'Pumping Rust'.
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency.
I think you should write, 'An ambulance.'
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
Birds of a feather flock together and then crap on your car.
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Passing the purple hat to you ... Thx Sonny H!
Passing the Purple Hat to You
Inbox
x | 
We have all
read this one before, but it was good to revisit her wise words...
enjoy
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma
Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer). I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded. I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.. When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later... Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's, more 'I'm sorry's.' But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute; look at it and really see it; live it and never give it back.. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF! Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us... If you don't mind, send this on to all the women you are grateful to have as friends. Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier. Please send this to five phenomenal women today in celebration of Beautiful Women's Month. If you do, something good will happen -- you will boost another woman's self esteem. | ||||||||||
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
A touching story of how men think ... Thanks John L!
*Subject:* *Fwd: : A touching story on how men think*
>
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> *[image: cid:X.MA1.1361979479@aol.com]
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> As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,
> "You know what?
>
> You have been with me all through the bad times.
>
> When I got fired, you were there to support me.
>
> When my business failed, you were there.
>
> When I got shot**s, you were by my side.
>
> When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
>
> When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
>
> You know what Martha?"
>
> "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began
> to fill with warmth.*
>
> *
> "I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."*
>
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> *[image: cid:X.MA1.1361979479@aol.com]
>
> As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,
> "You know what?
>
> You have been with me all through the bad times.
>
> When I got fired, you were there to support me.
>
> When my business failed, you were there.
>
> When I got shot**s, you were by my side.
>
> When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
>
> When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
>
> You know what Martha?"
>
> "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began
> to fill with warmth.*
>
> *
> "I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."*
Friday, February 1, 2013
Women ... Thanks Mary & Paul K.!
WOMAN'S PERFECT
BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table
with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of
the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover
of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover
of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the
back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they
get better!!!
WOMEN'S
REVENGE
'Cash,
check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As
she fumbled for her wallet,
I
noticed a remote control for a television set in her
purse.
'So,
do you always carry your TV remote?' I
asked.
'No,'
she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with
me,
and
I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
legally.'
KEEP READING ALL THE
WAY TO THE BOTTOM.
UNDERSTANDING
WOMEN
(A
MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I
know I'm not going to understand
women.
I'll
never understand how you can take boiling hot
wax,
pour
it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
root,
and
still be afraid of a
spider.
LOTS MORE TO
ENJOY...KEEP SCROLLING DOWN FOR A
WHILE.
MARRIAGE
SEMINAR
While
attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
communication,
Tom
and his wife Grace listened to the
instructor,
'It
is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
dislikes.'
He
addressed the man,
'Can
you name your wife's favorite
flower?'
Tom
leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered,
'It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?
LOTS MORE TO LAUGH
AT...
CIGARETTES
AND TAMPONS
A
man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the
aisles..
The
sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help
him.
He
answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his
wife..
She
directs him down the correct
aisle.
A
few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls
and
a ball of string on the
counter.
She
says, confused,
'Sir,
I thought you were looking for some tampons for your
wife?
He
answers, 'You see, it's like
this,
yesterday,
I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of
cigarettes,
and
she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers;
cause
it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much
cheaper.
So,
I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does
she.
(I
figure this guy is the one on the milk
carton!)
KEEP ON
READING .
WIFE
vs. HUSBAND
A
couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An
earlier discussion had led to an argument
and
neither
of them wanted to concede their
position.
As
they
passed
a barnyard of mules, goats, and
pigs,
the
husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of
yours?'
'Yep,'
the wife replied,
'in-laws.'
MORE AND MORE YET TO
ENJOY.
WORDS
A
husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a day...
30,000
to a man's 15,000.
The
wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have
to
repeat
everything to men....
The
husband then turned to his wife and asked,
'What?'
KEEP ON
GOING.
CREATION
A
man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can
be
so
stupid and so beautiful all at the same
time.
'The
wife responded, 'Allow me to
explain.
God
made me beautiful so you would be attracted to
me;
God
made me stupid so I would be attracted to you
!
SCROLL DOWN SOME
MORE...
WHO
DOES WHAT
A
man and his wife were having an argument about
who
should
brew the coffee each
morning.
The
wife said, 'You should do it because you get up
first,
and
then we don't have to wait as long to get our
coffee.
The
husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here
and
you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.'
Wife
replies, 'No, you should do it,
and
besides,
it is in the Bible that the man should do the
coffee.'
Husband
replies, 'I can't believe that, show
me..'
So
she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
Testament
and
showed him at the top of several
pages,
that
it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
YEP, THERE IS SOME
MORE...
The
Silent Treatment
A
man and his wife were having some problems at
home
and
were giving each other the silent
treatment.
Suddenly,
the man realized that the next
day,
he
would need his wife to wake
him
at
5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight.
Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE),
he
wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00AM.'
He
left it where he knew she would find
it.
The
next morning, the man woke
up,
only
to discover it was 9:00
AM and
he had missed his flight.
Furious,
he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
him,
when
he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed.
The
paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake
up.'
Men
are not equipped for these kinds of
contests.
KEEP ON SCROLLING
DOWN...
God
may have created man before
woman,
but
there is always a rough draft before the
masterpiece
SEND
THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A
LAUGH
AND
TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE
IT!
THIS
IS THE END!!!
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