Dear President Obama,
I am writing today with a somewhat unusual request. First and
foremost, I will be asking that you return America to its August
20th, 1959 borders so that Hawaii is no longer a state and you are no
longer a citizen.
Sincerely,
Benjamin Netanyahu
Prime Minister of Israel
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Maxine sans cartoons... Thanks Carol & Clay Vice!
MAXINE AGAIN (Without her cartoons)
BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED, FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!
TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1.My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every damn minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.(how true)
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!Life is too short and friendsare too few!
BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED, FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!
TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1.My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every damn minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.(how true)
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!Life is too short and friendsare too few!
Proper fruit digesting- Dr. Oz Thanks Carol & Clay Vice!
Often these things are BS and I can't vouch for this one but perhaps it's worth considering? DC
DR. OZ on eating fruit !
Wow. This is truly enlightening. I thought it was going to be funny. But there are some very interesting healthy facts included here.
Read on.
EATING FRUIT
This is informative!
We all think eating fruit means just buying fruit, cutting it up and popping it into our mouths. It's not that easy. It's important to know how and when to eat fruit.
What's the correct way to eat fruit?
IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUIT AFTER A MEAL! FRUIT SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
Eating fruit like that plays a major role in detoxifying your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.
FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD.
Let's say you eat two slices of bread, then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it's prevented from doing so.
In the meantime, the whole meal rots and ferments, and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach, and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.
Eat your fruit on an empty stomach, or before your meal! You've heard people complain: Every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc. This will not happen if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. Fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas. Hence, you bloat!
There's no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruit becomes alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruit, you have the Secret of Beauty, Longevity, Health, Energy, Happiness and normal weight.
When you need to drink fruit juice drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT the concentrated juice from the cans. Don't drink juice that has been heated. Don't eat cooked fruit; you don't get the nutrients at all. You get only the taste. Cooking destroys all of the vitamins.
Eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit-fast to cleanse your body. Eat fruit and drink fruit juice for just 3 days, and you will be surprised when your friends say how radiant you look!
KIWI: Tiny but mighty, and a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E and fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange!
AN APPLE a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants and flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C, thereby helping to lower the risk of colon cancer, heart attack and stroke.
STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit.. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits and protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.
EATING 2 - 4 ORANGES a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent and dissolve kidney stones, and reduce the risk of colon cancer.
WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. Also a key source of lycopene, the cancer-fighting oxidant. Also found in watermelon: Vitamin C and Potassium.
GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, good for your eyes.
Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer!
Can you believe this? For those who like to drink cold water, this applies to you. It's nice to have a cold drink after a meal, however, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you've just consumed, which slows digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks.
HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE
Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they're asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Be careful, and be aware. The more we know, the better our chance to survive..
A cardiologist said if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.
It can even be your life!
DR. OZ on eating fruit !
Wow. This is truly enlightening. I thought it was going to be funny. But there are some very interesting healthy facts included here.
Read on.
EATING FRUIT
This is informative!
We all think eating fruit means just buying fruit, cutting it up and popping it into our mouths. It's not that easy. It's important to know how and when to eat fruit.
What's the correct way to eat fruit?
IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUIT AFTER A MEAL! FRUIT SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
Eating fruit like that plays a major role in detoxifying your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.
FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD.
Let's say you eat two slices of bread, then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it's prevented from doing so.
In the meantime, the whole meal rots and ferments, and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach, and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.
Eat your fruit on an empty stomach, or before your meal! You've heard people complain: Every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc. This will not happen if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. Fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas. Hence, you bloat!
There's no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruit becomes alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruit, you have the Secret of Beauty, Longevity, Health, Energy, Happiness and normal weight.
When you need to drink fruit juice drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT the concentrated juice from the cans. Don't drink juice that has been heated. Don't eat cooked fruit; you don't get the nutrients at all. You get only the taste. Cooking destroys all of the vitamins.
Eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit-fast to cleanse your body. Eat fruit and drink fruit juice for just 3 days, and you will be surprised when your friends say how radiant you look!
KIWI: Tiny but mighty, and a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E and fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange!
AN APPLE a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants and flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C, thereby helping to lower the risk of colon cancer, heart attack and stroke.
STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit.. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits and protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.
EATING 2 - 4 ORANGES a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent and dissolve kidney stones, and reduce the risk of colon cancer.
WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. Also a key source of lycopene, the cancer-fighting oxidant. Also found in watermelon: Vitamin C and Potassium.
GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, good for your eyes.
Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer!
Can you believe this? For those who like to drink cold water, this applies to you. It's nice to have a cold drink after a meal, however, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you've just consumed, which slows digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks.
HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE
Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they're asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Be careful, and be aware. The more we know, the better our chance to survive..
A cardiologist said if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.
It can even be your life!
For America, not illegals! Thanks Clay Vice!
America- Spit on her, burn her flag, set up mosques at Ground Zero. She worries about offending you. Quite a few of us don't feel like that anymore.
We say enough is enough! Have some humility when you get here or get out!
SamKat
Robert E. Lee watched as his friends died in the Civil War, my grandfather watched as his friends died in WW II, and my father watched as my friends died in Vietnam .
None of them died for the Mexican Flag.
Everyone died for the U.S. flag.
In Texas , a student raised a Mexican flag on a school flag pole; another student took it down. Guess who was expelled...the kid who took it down.
Kids in high school in California were sent home on Cinco de Mayo because they wore T-shirts with the American flag printed on them.
Enough is enough.
The below e-mail message needs to be viewed by every American; and every American needs to stand up for America .
We've bent over to appease the America-haters long enough.
I'm taking a stand.
I'm standing up because the hundreds of thousands who died fighting in wars for this country, and for the U.S. flag can't stand up.
And shame on anyone who tries to make this a racist message.
Let me make this perfectly clear!
THIS IS MY COUNTRY!
And, because I make This statement
DOES NOT
Mean I'm against immigration!!!
YOU ARE WELCOME HERE, IN MY COUNTRY!
Welcome! To come through legally:
1. Get a sponsor!
2. Get a place to lay your head!
3.Get a job!
4.Live ByOURRules!
5.Pay YOURTaxes!
And
6.Learn theLANGUAGElike immigrants have in the past!!!
AND
7.Please don't demand that we hand over our lifetime savings of Social Security Funds to you.
If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone,
Then YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
When will AMERICANS STOP giving awayTHEIR RIGHTS???
We've gone so far the other way...
bent over backwards not to offend anyone.
But it seems no one cares about the
AMERICAN CITIZEN
that's being offended!
WAKE UP America !!!
If You agree.... Pass this on.
If You don't agree.. Delete It!!!
We say enough is enough! Have some humility when you get here or get out!
SamKat
Robert E. Lee watched as his friends died in the Civil War, my grandfather watched as his friends died in WW II, and my father watched as my friends died in Vietnam .
None of them died for the Mexican Flag.
Everyone died for the U.S. flag.
In Texas , a student raised a Mexican flag on a school flag pole; another student took it down. Guess who was expelled...the kid who took it down.
Kids in high school in California were sent home on Cinco de Mayo because they wore T-shirts with the American flag printed on them.
Enough is enough.
The below e-mail message needs to be viewed by every American; and every American needs to stand up for America .
We've bent over to appease the America-haters long enough.
I'm taking a stand.
I'm standing up because the hundreds of thousands who died fighting in wars for this country, and for the U.S. flag can't stand up.
And shame on anyone who tries to make this a racist message.
Let me make this perfectly clear!
THIS IS MY COUNTRY!
And, because I make This statement
DOES NOT
Mean I'm against immigration!!!
YOU ARE WELCOME HERE, IN MY COUNTRY!
Welcome! To come through legally:
1. Get a sponsor!
2. Get a place to lay your head!
3.Get a job!
4.Live ByOURRules!
5.Pay YOURTaxes!
And
6.Learn theLANGUAGElike immigrants have in the past!!!
AND
7.Please don't demand that we hand over our lifetime savings of Social Security Funds to you.
If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone,
Then YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
When will AMERICANS STOP giving awayTHEIR RIGHTS???
We've gone so far the other way...
bent over backwards not to offend anyone.
But it seems no one cares about the
AMERICAN CITIZEN
that's being offended!
WAKE UP America !!!
If You agree.... Pass this on.
If You don't agree.. Delete It!!!
Talking Pennsylvaninan... Thanks Marge Rusnak!
Kegleys originally migrated from Germany to PA and then George Kegley homesteaded in Wythville, VA. From there they came on into KY, WVa, Ohio, etc. I understand most of this "Langwitch' Marge, but then PA Dutch is another language all to itself.
Sam
TALKING "PENNSYLVANIAN"
The Strange Langwitch
baby coach- Noun. Chiefly Eastern Pennsylvania and Chesapeake Bay
A baby carriage
Lunch meat- noun- Called cold cuts elsewhere.
For those who think we Pennsylvanians 'talk funny' or use 'big words~ here's why ....
Once a Pennsylvanian, ALWAYS a Pennsylvanian!
About Pennsylvanians: You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly" and New Jersey has always been 'Jersey'...We don't go to the beach -- we go "down the shore."
You refer to Pennsylvania as 'PA' (pronounced Pee-Ay).
How many other states do that??
'You guys' (or even 'youze guys', in some places) is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men and women.
You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet?' (Did you eat yet?)
You know that the Iggles play football and so do the Stillers.
You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre , Schuylkill , the Poconos,Tamaqua, Kutztown, Tunkahannock, Bala Cynwyd, Kishacoquillas, Duquesne and Monongahela, also Conshohocken.
And we know Lancaster is pronounced Lank-ister,not Lan-kaster.
You know what Mummers are, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade.
At least five people on your block have electric 'candles' in all or most of their windows all year long.
You know what a 'State Store' is, and your out-of-state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
Words like 'hoagie,' 'crick,' 'chipped ham,' 'dippy eggs', 'sticky buns,' 'shoo-fly pie,' 'lemon sponge pie', 'pierogies' and 'pocketbook' actually mean something to you. (By the way, that last one's PA slang for a purse!) I'll add the food "scapple."
You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know it comes in several colors.
You know the difference between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and you know that you also can't get a really good one anywhere outside of the Philly area. (Except maybe in Atlantic City on the Boardwalk).
You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Mars, Bethlehem, Hershey, Indiana,Sinking Spring, Jersey Shore, State College, Washington Crossing, Jim Thorpe, Eighty-Four, King of Prussia, Wind Gap, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns ... and the first three were consecutive stops on the old Reading RR! (PS - That's pronounced
Redd-ing.)
You can identify drivers from New York , New Jersey , Maryland or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits.
A traffic jam in Lancaster County is 10 cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway. (And remember .... that's Lank-ister!)
You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
Driving is always better in winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
As a kid, you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were.
You know beer doesn't grow in a garden, but you know where to find a beer garden.
You actually understand all this and send it out to other Pennsylvaniansor former Pennsylvanians. It's scary, isn't it!
YEAH! THAT'S GOOD OL' PA AND WE LOVE IT!
And send it to people that never lived in P-A and confuse them, because nice matters.
Youn's all play nice now once. I hafta make me some dippy eggs.
Sam
TALKING "PENNSYLVANIAN"
The Strange Langwitch
baby coach- Noun. Chiefly Eastern Pennsylvania and Chesapeake Bay
A baby carriage
Lunch meat- noun- Called cold cuts elsewhere.
For those who think we Pennsylvanians 'talk funny' or use 'big words~ here's why ....
Once a Pennsylvanian, ALWAYS a Pennsylvanian!
About Pennsylvanians: You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly" and New Jersey has always been 'Jersey'...We don't go to the beach -- we go "down the shore."
You refer to Pennsylvania as 'PA' (pronounced Pee-Ay).
How many other states do that??
'You guys' (or even 'youze guys', in some places) is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men and women.
You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet?' (Did you eat yet?)
You know that the Iggles play football and so do the Stillers.
You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre , Schuylkill , the Poconos,Tamaqua, Kutztown, Tunkahannock, Bala Cynwyd, Kishacoquillas, Duquesne and Monongahela, also Conshohocken.
And we know Lancaster is pronounced Lank-ister,not Lan-kaster.
You know what Mummers are, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade.
At least five people on your block have electric 'candles' in all or most of their windows all year long.
You know what a 'State Store' is, and your out-of-state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
Words like 'hoagie,' 'crick,' 'chipped ham,' 'dippy eggs', 'sticky buns,' 'shoo-fly pie,' 'lemon sponge pie', 'pierogies' and 'pocketbook' actually mean something to you. (By the way, that last one's PA slang for a purse!) I'll add the food "scapple."
You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know it comes in several colors.
You know the difference between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and you know that you also can't get a really good one anywhere outside of the Philly area. (Except maybe in Atlantic City on the Boardwalk).
You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Mars, Bethlehem, Hershey, Indiana,Sinking Spring, Jersey Shore, State College, Washington Crossing, Jim Thorpe, Eighty-Four, King of Prussia, Wind Gap, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns ... and the first three were consecutive stops on the old Reading RR! (PS - That's pronounced
Redd-ing.)
You can identify drivers from New York , New Jersey , Maryland or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits.
A traffic jam in Lancaster County is 10 cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway. (And remember .... that's Lank-ister!)
You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
Driving is always better in winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
As a kid, you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were.
You know beer doesn't grow in a garden, but you know where to find a beer garden.
You actually understand all this and send it out to other Pennsylvaniansor former Pennsylvanians. It's scary, isn't it!
YEAH! THAT'S GOOD OL' PA AND WE LOVE IT!
And send it to people that never lived in P-A and confuse them, because nice matters.
Youn's all play nice now once. I hafta make me some dippy eggs.
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