For the ladies! Thanks Lyle!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:



I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything,

but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.



It's National Girlfriend and Sister's Week...



I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use, and the friends I have.

To the cool women who have touched my life. Here's to you!









It is good to be a woman:



1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3. Taxis stop for us.

4. We don 't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don 't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

13. We will never regret piercing our ears.

14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

I really haven't changed much over the years...right??? Yeah, right, but earned every wrinkle.

My brain still works like it did twenty years ago....???????

German parade floats ... Thanks Leswinner!

Subject: German Parade Floats


We have the rest of the world laughing at us. They can see what the man is doing to this country---

German Parade Floats

During this year’s carnival parades in Germany (originally a Roman Catholic tradition), some of the contestants in the float competition decided to depart from the standard bashing of Bush, America, and German politicians, and built a float that has the German Islamic front groups seething: Carnival attracts 3 million in Germany - Muslims offended

You gotta love this!!



Do the Europeans have a better handle on what's going on here than we do?



GERMAN FLOAT

This float was in a parade in Berlin

You'v e got to LOVE those Germans

Is that Hillary? What is she hanging on to?

Answer: His stimulus package.

Jokes you can tell in church ... Thanks Judi cole!

JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH




Two boys were walking home from Sunday school



after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.



One said to the other, 'What do you think about



all this Satan stuff?'



The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how



Santa Claus turned out.



It's probably just your Dad.'



~~~~~~~~~~~~



Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl



whispered to her mother,



'Why is the bride dressed in white?''



The mother replied, 'Because white is the color



of happiness,



and today is the happiest day of her life.'



The child thought about this for a moment then said,



'So why is the groom wearing black?'



~~~~~~~~~~~~



A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running



as fast as she could,



trying not to be late for Bible class.



As she ran she prayed,



'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord,



please don't let me be late!'



While she was running and praying, she tripped



on a curb and fell,



getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress.



She got up, brushed herself off, and started running



again!



As she ran she once again began to pray,



'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please



don't shove me either!'



~~~~~~~~~~~~



Three boys are in the school yard bragging about



their fathers.



The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words



on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem,



they give him $50.'



The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad



scribbles a few words on piece of paper,



he calls it a song, they give him $100.'



The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad



scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,



he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to



collect all the money!'



~~~~~~~~~~~~



An elderly woman died last month.



Having never married, she requested no male



pallbearers.



In her handwritten instructions for her memorial



service, she wrote,



'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive,



I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'



~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police recruit was asked during the exam,



'What would you do if you had to arrest your own



mother?'



He answered, 'Call for backup.'



~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why



Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem..



A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'



~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.



After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy



father and thy mother,' she asked,



'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to



treat our brothers and sisters?'



Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,



'Thou shall not kill..'



~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Sunday School they were teaching how God



created everything, including human beings.



Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they



told him



how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.



Later in the week his mother noticed him lying



down as though he were ill,



and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little



Johnny responded,



'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have



a wife.'



~~~~~~~~~~~~



You don't stop laughing because you grow old..



You grow old because you stop laughing!



Take heed and pass these along to people who



need a laugh.



I thought you would enjoy this....times are tough



right now...for all of us...



so we need something to make the day a happy



place.



"They" haven't found a way to tax you for



laughing yet.



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