Going to church in Chicago ... thx Barry M and Paul C!

Funny, and cute, however there might be some truth in it, not just in Chicago. Going to Church in Chicago When I heard Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were guest preachers at a nearby church, I decided to go there and check them out in person. As soon as I sat down, Reverend Sharpton came over to me.I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the church? He laid his hands on my shoulder and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord Almighty, and the will of God, you will walk today." I told him I was not paralyzed. Then Jesse Jackson came by and said: "By the Grace of God, and his Son  Jesus, the Lord Almighty, you will walk today. Again, I said that there is nothing wrong with me. After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold they were right.... My car was gone!

Have another drink, Podnuh ,,, Thx Judi C!

Subject: HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, PODNER

DDA cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

 He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time..."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an
Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas
somewhere.

When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

 One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. (I know, a tear is coming to my eye too)

All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though...."02

Perception and perspective ... Thx Pat W!

It’s all a matter of perception –

The Rich Family in Church

By Eddie Ogan

I'll never forget Easter 1946. I was 14, my little sister Ocy was 12, and my older sister Darlene 16. We lived at home with our mother, and the four of us knew what it was to do without many things. My dad had died five years before, leaving Mom with seven school kids to raise and no money.

By 1946 my older sisters were married and my brothers had left home. A month before Easter the pastor of our church announced that a special Easter offering would be taken to help a poor family. He asked everyone to save and give sacrificially.

When we got home, we talked about what we could do. We decided to buy 50 pounds of potatoes and live on them for a month. This would allow us to save $20 of our grocery money for the offering. When we thought that if we kept our electric lights turned out as much as possible and didn't listen to the radio, we'd save money on that month's electric bill. Darlene got as many house and yard cleaning jobs as possible, and both of us babysat for everyone we could. For 15 cents we could buy enough cotton loops to make three pot holders to sell for $1.

We made $20 on pot holders. That month was one of the best of our lives.

Every day we counted the money to see how much we had saved. At night we'd sit in the dark and talk about how the poor family was going to enjoy having the money the church would give them. We had about 80 people in church, so figured that whatever amount of money we had to give, the offering would surely be 20 times that much. After all, every Sundaythe pastor had reminded everyone to save for the sacrificial offering.

The day before Easter, Ocy and I walked to the grocery store and got the manager to give us three crisp $20 bills and one $10 bill for all our change.

We ran all the way home to show Mom and Darlene. We had never had so much money before.

That night we were so excited we could hardly sleep. We didn't care that we wouldn't have new clothes for Easter; we had $70 for the sacrificial offering.

We could hardly wait to get to church! On Sunday morning, rain was pouring. We didn't own an umbrella, and the church was over a mile from our home, but it didn't seem to matter how wet we got. Darlene had cardboard in her shoes to fill the holes. The cardboard came apart, and her feet got wet.

But we sat in church proudly. I heard some teenagers talking about the Smith girls having on their old dresses. I looked at them in their new clothes, and I felt rich.

When the sacrificial offering was taken, we were sitting on the second row from the front. Mom put in the $10 bill, and each of us kids put in a $20.

As we walked home after church, we sang all the way. At lunch Mom had a surprise for us. She had bought a dozen eggs, and we had boiled Easter eggs with our fried potatoes! Late that afternoon the minister drove up in his car. Mom went to the door, talked with him for a moment, and then came back with an envelope in her hand. We asked what it was, but she didn't say a word. She opened the envelope and out fell a bunch of money. There were three crisp $20 bills, one $10, and seventeen $1 bills.

Mom put the money back in the envelope. We didn't talk, just sat and stared at the floor. We had gone from feeling like millionaires to feeling like poor white trash. We kids had such a happy life that we felt sorry for anyone who didn't have our Mom and Dad for parents and a house full of brothers and sisters and other kids visiting constantly. We thought it was fun to share silverware and see whether we got the spoon or the fork that night.

We had two knifes that we passed around to whoever needed them. I knew we didn't have a lot of things that other people had, but I'd never thought we were poor.

That Easter day I found out we were. The minister had brought us the money for the poor family, so we must be poor. I didn't like being poor. I looked at my dress and worn-out shoes and felt so ashamed — I didn't even want to go back to church. Everyone there probably already knew we were poor!

I thought about school. I was in the ninth grade and at the top of my class of over 100 students. I wondered if the kids at school knew that we were poor. I decided that I could quit school since I had finished the eighth grade. That was all the law required at that time. We sat in silence for a long time. Then it got dark, and we went to bed. All that week, we girls went to school and came home, and no one talked much. Finally on Saturday, Mom asked us what we wanted to do with the money. What did poor people do with money? We didn't know. We'd never known we were poor. We didn't want to go to church on Sunday, but Mom said we had to. Although it was a sunny day, we didn't talk on the way.

Mom started to sing, but no one joined in and she only sang one verse. At church we had a missionary speaker. He talked about how churches in Africa made buildings out of sun dried bricks, but they needed money to buy roofs. He said $100 would put a roof on a church. The minister said, "Can't we all sacrifice to help these poor people?" We looked at each other and smiled for the first time in a week.

Mom reached into her purse and pulled out the envelope. She passed it to Darlene. Darlene gave it to me, and I handed it to Ocy. Ocy put it in the offering.

When the offering was counted, the minister announced that it was a little over $100. The missionary was excited. He hadn't expected such a large offering from our small church. He said, "You must have some rich people in this church." Suddenly it struck us! We had given $87 of that "little over $100."

We were the rich family in the church! Hadn't the missionary said so? From that day on I've never been poor again. I've always remembered how rich I am because I have Jesus!

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.

Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.

Had no army, yet kings feared Him.

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

Church on Sunday ... Thx Paul C!

I had everything planned and had told my wife I would not be going to church with her on Sunday. My wife reminded me that Sunday was the Sabbath Day and hunting a trophy buck should not be part of the Sabbath.  1. I scouted the area all summer. 2. I searched out the best location for my tree-stand. 3. I set it all up a month ahead of time. 4. I trailed the herd. 5. I picked out a trophy buck. 6. Two days before opening day I rechecked every aspect of the hunt. 7. Everything was in place. 8. Sunday morning, I woke up at 2 am .  9. I put on my camo, loaded my pack, set out for my stand. 10. This was destined to be an epic hunt. 11. As I approached my deer stand. I called my wife and told her I had decided not to hunt on the Sabbath and would meet her at church. The Sunday sermon was entitled "The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways ".

Why go to Church? ... Thx Pidge F!

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper & complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. 

'I've gone for 30 years now,' he wrote, & in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons, but for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them.

So, I think I'm wasting my time & the preachers & priests are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.' 

This started a real controversy in the 'Letters to the Editor' column.

Much to the delight of the editor, it went on for weeks until  someone wrote this clincher:
'I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked  some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu  for a single one of those meals. 

But I do know this: 

They all nourished me  & gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given  me these meals, I would be physically dead today.
Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!'

When you are DOWN to nothing, God is UP to something!

Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible & receives  the impossible!

Thank God for our physical & our spiritual nourishment!

IF YOU CANNOT SEE GOD IN ALL, YOU CANNOT SEE GOD AT ALL !

B. I. B. L. E. simply means: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth!

When you are about to forward this to others, the devil will discourage you. 

So go on ! Forward this to people who are DEAR to you & TRUST GOD.                                          

Church squirrels ... Thx again Dr. H!

CHURCH SQUIRRELS            I don't care who you are, this is funny! There were five houses of religion in a small town: The Presbyterian Church, The Baptist Church , The Methodist Church , The Catholic Church and The Jewish Synagogue.  Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.  One day, the Presbyterian Church  called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.  After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back. But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.  Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter. Not much was heard about the  Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision.  They haven't seen a squirrel on the property since. ************************************* Keep going.... For all who appreciate the outdoors ... the rarely photographed South Florida Squirrel.  Life is too short for drama and petty things, laugh a lot, love truly and forgive quickly.

4 Worms in church ... Thanks Marge R!

"4 Worms In Church"
Four worms and a lesson to be learned!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.



At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol . . .Dead



The second worm in cigarette smoke . . .Dead .




Third worm in chocolate syrup. . . Dead.




Fourth worm in good clean soil
. . .Alive

So the Minister asked the congregation,

"What did you learn from this demonstration?"





Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . .
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate,

you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service!

Today is International Disturbed People's Day.

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend...

Just as I've done.

"Hang in there sunshine,you're special!"

Virginia Stimulus Sermon- Right on, Pidge F.!

RECENT VIRGINIA CHURCH SERVICE - STIMULUS SERMON

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to me

This is a great lesson that all of us need to be aware of at this point in time in our history!!!!!

You might not be religious but I think that the old testament is a great history lesson in its own right............
HOW VERY TRUE!!!

Genesis47:13-27

ALL I CAN SAY ABOUT THIS IS WOW!!!

RECENT VIRGINIA CHURCH SERVICE - STIMULUS SERMON

I would love to give the Pastor of this predominantly black church in Virginia three cheers. This guy is obviously a leader. Perhaps we should each decide who our real leader is... It is amazing to see that very little has changed in 4,000 years.

Good morning, brothers and sisters; it's always a delight to see the pews crowded on Sunday morning, and so eager to get into God's Word. Turn with me in your Bibles, if you will, to the 47th chapter of Genesis. We'll begin our reading at verse 13, and go through verse 27.

Brother Ray, would you stand and read that great passage for us? ... (Reading) ... Thank you for that fine reading, Brother Ray. So we see that economic hard times fell upon Egypt, and the people turned to the government of Pharaoh to deal with this for them. And Pharaoh nationalized the grain harvest, and placed the grain in great storehouses that he had built. So the people brought their money to Pharaoh, like a great tax increase, and gave it all to him willingly in return for grain. And this went on until their money ran out, and they were hungry again.

So when they went to Pharaoh after that, they brought their livestock - their cattle, their horses, their sheep, and their donkey - to barter for grain, and verse 17 says that only took them through the end of that year. But the famine wasn't over, was it? So the next year, the people came before Pharaoh and admitted they had nothing left, except their land and their own lives. "There is nothing left in the sight of my lord but our bodies and our land. Why should we die before your eyes, both we and our land? Buy us and our land for food, and we with our land will be servants to Pharaoh." So they surrendered their homes, their land, and their real estate to Pharaoh's government, and then sold themselves into slavery to him, in return for grain.

What can we learn from this, brothers and sisters?

That turning to the government instead of to God to be our provider in hard times only leads to slavery? Yes... That the only reason government wants to be our provider is to also become our master?

Yes, but look how that passage ends, brothers and sisters! Thus Israel settled in the land of Egypt, in the land of Goshen. And they gained possessions in it, and were fruitful and multiplied greatly." God provided for His people, just as He always has! They didn't end up giving all their possessions to government, no, it says they gained possessions! But, I also tell you a great truth today, and an ominous one.

We see the same thing happening today - the government today wants to "share the wealth" once again, to take it from us and redistribute it back to us. It wants to take control of healthcare, just as it has taken control of education, and ration it back to us, and when government rations it, then government decides who gets it, and how much, and what kind. And if we go along with it, and do it willingly, then we will wind up no differently than the people of Egypt did four thousand years ago - as slaves to the government, and as slaves to our leaders.

What Mr. Obama's government is doing now is no different from what Pharaoh's government did then, and it will end the same. And a lot of people like to call Mr. Obama a "Messiah," don't they? Is he a Messiah? A savior? Didn't the Egyptians say, after Pharaoh made them his slaves, "You have saved our lives; may it please my lord, we will be servants to Pharaoh"? Well, I tell you this - I know the Messiah; the Messiah is a friend of mine; and Mr. OBAMA IS NO MESSIAH! No, brothers and sisters, if Mr. Obama is a character from the Bible, then he is Pharaoh. Bow with me in prayer, if you will...

Lord, You alone are worthy to be served, and we rely on You, and You alone. We confess that the government is not our deliverer, and never rightly will be. We read in the eighth chapter of 1 Samuel, when Samuel warned the people of what a ruler would do, where it says "And in that day you will cry out because of your king, whom you have chosen for yourselves, but the LORD will not answer you in that day..."

And Lord, we acknowledge that day has come. We cry out to you because of the ruler that we have chosen for ourselves as a nation. Lord, we pray for this nation. We pray for revival, and we pray for deliverance from those who would be our masters. Give us hearts to seek You and hands to serve You, and protect Your people from the atrocities of Pharaoh's government. In God We Trust...

You may consider sharing this with others. If you don't agree ... just delete.

Have a nice day!