A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back..
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
'No,' the woman replied. I'm with the Internal Revenue Service.'
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Just sayin' after a little thinkin'... SamKat
Item 17 of the "How big is Wal-Mart?" post says 92 % of all products Wal-Mart sells comes from China. Another recent post indicated that China is building a city of fifty square miles south of Boise, Idaho- as a manufacturing center. Our post-industrial economy has shifted goods making chores to China. How soon before China will become the world's market for many Chinese goods made in this country? Our non-representatives of this once great and blessed America and our citizens' own selfish pragmatism have sold us down the river unless the Tea Party can show true effectiveness.
Older... Thanks again, Marge Rusnak!
Warning- these are funny here, but better if you receive them by email because pictures are part of the items.
SamKat
Subj: Older...LOL
The Importance of walking
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $4,000 per month.
My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we have no idea where the hell he is.
I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing...
I joined a health club last year,
spent about 250 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there!
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a pub with a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them!
It will save you the walk!
SamKat
Subj: Older...LOL
The Importance of walking
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $4,000 per month.
My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we have no idea where the hell he is.
I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing...
I joined a health club last year,
spent about 250 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there!
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a pub with a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them!
It will save you the walk!
Parrot bought at auction... Thanks Marge Rusnak!
A nice old lady went to an auction sale. There she was
attracted to a parrot in a gilded cage. The parrot was large,
very healthy looking and exquisitely colored. The old lady was
so attracted by the parrot's appearance that she couldn't help
but bid on it.
She bid, determined to have the parrot, but another bidder
competed and drove the price very high. The old lady eventually
bought the parrot. She was at the cashier's desk and told the
cashier that she was so excited about the beautiful appearance
of the parrot that she had neglected to ask if it could talk.
The parrot spoke up,
"Who do you think was bidding against you?"
attracted to a parrot in a gilded cage. The parrot was large,
very healthy looking and exquisitely colored. The old lady was
so attracted by the parrot's appearance that she couldn't help
but bid on it.
She bid, determined to have the parrot, but another bidder
competed and drove the price very high. The old lady eventually
bought the parrot. She was at the cashier's desk and told the
cashier that she was so excited about the beautiful appearance
of the parrot that she had neglected to ask if it could talk.
The parrot spoke up,
"Who do you think was bidding against you?"
You are so blessed... Thanks Judi Cole!
If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who won't survive the week.
If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.
If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world.
If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back, a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.
If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.
If you can hold someone's hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.
If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.
You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know.
If you are feeling blessed, repay the blessings bestowed unto you and do something for others.
A blessing cannot be kept. If it stops with you, then the blessing will disappear. The blessing will only keep working if it is continuously passed around. If you are a recipient of a blessing, keep the blessing working by being the source of blessing to other people.
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who won't survive the week.
If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.
If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world.
If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back, a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.
If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.
If you can hold someone's hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.
If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.
You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know.
If you are feeling blessed, repay the blessings bestowed unto you and do something for others.
A blessing cannot be kept. If it stops with you, then the blessing will disappear. The blessing will only keep working if it is continuously passed around. If you are a recipient of a blessing, keep the blessing working by being the source of blessing to other people.
How big is Walmart? Thanks Pat Richards Whitehead!
How Big is Wal-Mart?
The info below is unbelievable!
This should boggle your mind!! And Probably scare you as well!
1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3.. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer, and most can't speak English.
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the world.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers ; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.
11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5
billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.
13. The value of product for Wal-Mart passing through the port of San Diego each year is a larger sum than 93% of ALL countries Gross National Product (GNP) .....and that is only ONE port ...one way – that’s how Wal-Mart gets it's stuff.
14. Of the 1.6 million employees, only 1.2% make a living above the poverty level.
15. Wal-Mart's head office is located and centralized in Bentonville. Due to this fact, there are more millionaires per square mile there
than any place on Earth.
16. The official U.S. Government position is that Wal-Mart's prices are no lower than anyone else's when compared to a typical families weekly purchases. That's the view of the statisticians at the Bureau Of Labor Statistics (BLS) responsible for calculating the Consumer
Price Index (CPI).
17. 92% of everything Wal-Mart sells, comes from China . Another 4% comes from Chinese owned companies in the U.S. or in 3rd world
Countries.
18. Wal-Mart and MOST large companies, take out life insurance on it's employees, without their knowing. If an employee dies, ALL the
insurance moneys go to the companies. I.e. An employee making $18,000 per year, dies, and the company might make as much as $1 million. Most often these moneys, coming from what is commonly referred to as "Dead Peasant Life Insurance Policies", is paid out to executives as bonuses. (A common practice, unknown by the average consumer).
19. Wal-Mart now averages a "profit" (not sales) of $36 billion per year.
20. Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street. If not, consider shopping someplace else.
The info below is unbelievable!
This should boggle your mind!! And Probably scare you as well!
1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3.. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer, and most can't speak English.
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the world.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers ; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.
11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5
billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.
13. The value of product for Wal-Mart passing through the port of San Diego each year is a larger sum than 93% of ALL countries Gross National Product (GNP) .....and that is only ONE port ...one way – that’s how Wal-Mart gets it's stuff.
14. Of the 1.6 million employees, only 1.2% make a living above the poverty level.
15. Wal-Mart's head office is located and centralized in Bentonville. Due to this fact, there are more millionaires per square mile there
than any place on Earth.
16. The official U.S. Government position is that Wal-Mart's prices are no lower than anyone else's when compared to a typical families weekly purchases. That's the view of the statisticians at the Bureau Of Labor Statistics (BLS) responsible for calculating the Consumer
Price Index (CPI).
17. 92% of everything Wal-Mart sells, comes from China . Another 4% comes from Chinese owned companies in the U.S. or in 3rd world
Countries.
18. Wal-Mart and MOST large companies, take out life insurance on it's employees, without their knowing. If an employee dies, ALL the
insurance moneys go to the companies. I.e. An employee making $18,000 per year, dies, and the company might make as much as $1 million. Most often these moneys, coming from what is commonly referred to as "Dead Peasant Life Insurance Policies", is paid out to executives as bonuses. (A common practice, unknown by the average consumer).
19. Wal-Mart now averages a "profit" (not sales) of $36 billion per year.
20. Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street. If not, consider shopping someplace else.
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