Cowboy Ken and the Genie ... Sarah's bro. T.J. finds a truly funny ...

Sam Kegley

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A Cowboy Named Ken 1 message

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TJ DU	Thu, Apr 2, 2020 at 8:03 AM
TJ T. J. DU  “It's not what you don't know - it's what you do know that ain't so.” A modern-day cowboy named Ken has spent many days crossing the South Dakota prairies without water. His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.  He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.  He opens it and out pops a genie named Patty. But she is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull grey outfit. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie, 'You know how I work.. You have three wishes.'  'I'm not falling for this,' said the Cowboy, 'I'm not going to trust an IRS genie.'  'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'  The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.   ‘ OK! I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.'    ***POOF***    The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.  'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish..'  'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'  ** *POOF***  The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.  'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'  After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'    ***POOF***  He was turned into a tampon.  Moral of the story: If the U.S. Government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.

Bud, the cowboy Great recycle Sgt. Robert !

Fw: Bud the Cowboy
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>                         A cowboy named Bud was  overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in  Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him  out of a cloud of dust.
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> The driver, a young  man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and  YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I  tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your  herd, will you give me a calf?"
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> Bud looks at the man,  who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully  grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why  not?"
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> The yuppie parks his  car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to  his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page  on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an  exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another  NASA satellite that scans the area in an  ultra-high-resolution photo.
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> The young man then  opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it  to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...
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> Within seconds, he  receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been  processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL®  database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with  email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives  a response.
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> Finally, he prints out  a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized  HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You  have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
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> "That's right. Well, I  guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
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> He watches the young  man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as  the young man stuffs it into the  trunk of his car.
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> Then Bud says to the  young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your  business is, will you give me back my calf?"
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> The young man thinks  about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
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> "You're a Congressman  for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
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> "Wow! That's correct,"  says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
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> "No guessing  required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even  though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer  I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used  millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how  much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing  about how working people make a living - or about cows, for  that matter. This is a herd of sheep.
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> Now give me back my  dog.
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>     AND THAT  FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT
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Cowboy ... Thanks Judi!

Every decision must be rational, Judi.  Right?  Good one!

Sam

On Tue, Feb 12, 2013 at 2:13 PM, Judi C wrote:
> COWBOY
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> A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Oklahoma , walks into a bar and
> orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip
> out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and
> orders three more.
> The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat
> after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
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> The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona ,
> the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Oklahoma , we
> promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank
> together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for
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> The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
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> The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He
> orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
> One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice
> and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the
> bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to
> offer my condolences on your loss."
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>  The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes
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>  "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I
> joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
>  "Hasn't affected my brothers though."

Tough cowboy grandson to Granny ... Thks Anon Y.!

A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELED HIS GRANDDAUGHTER THAT IF SHE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HER OATMEAL EVERY MORNING. THE GRANDDAUGHTER DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103 WHEN SHE DIED. SHE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, AND A 15-FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE.

A real cowboy has no fear ... Thanks Mr. Shover!

A real cowboy has no fear ... thanks Lyle!

The Cowboy ... thanks Clay Vice!

The cowboy- A recycle for us seniAn old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody standing around was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 1 2 gauge barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but...but I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for all of us here:

* Don't be arrogant.

* Don't waste ammunition.

* Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

* Always make sure you know who is in control.

* And finally, don't screw around with old folks; they didn't

get old by being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you? Thanks Clay!