Sales- Little Johnny ... thanks Doug!

And to think!  The feds want to remove Blogs with nice messages such as this?

Attago, Johnny!

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their
weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive
salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30" she said
proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and
I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good" said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.

"Very good, Jenny" said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath .....

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of
cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467" he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

Toothbrushes" said Little Johnny

"Toothbrushes" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough
tooth brushes to make that much money?

"I found the busiest corner in town" said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip &
Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog crap!"

Then I would say, "It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the
President Obama method of giving you something shitty, dressing it up so it
looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad
taste out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got five stars for his efforts, bless his heart...

Divorce Agreement ... Thanks Sonny!

> DIVORCE AGREEMENT--Allegedly written by a college student
>
>
>
> Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists
> and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's
> for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has
> made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for
> many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship
> has clearly run its course.
>
> Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what
> is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile
> and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
>
> Here is a model separation agreement:
> --Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking
> a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two
> sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively
> easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets
> since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
>
> --We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
> --You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.--Since you hate guns
> and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
> --We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar
> and biodiesel.
> --You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however,
> responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of
> them.
>
> --We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies,
> Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
> --You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps,
> homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
> --We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
> --We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood
>
> --You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
> invade and hammer places that threaten us.
> --You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way
> of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
>
> --We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
> --You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and
> Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying
> the bill.
>
> --We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can
> take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
> --You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
> --We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
> --We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
> --I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the
> World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
>
> --We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle
> up poverty your best shot.
>
> --Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our
> flag.
>
> Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded
> liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete.
> In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will
> need whose help in 15 years.
>
> Sincerely,
> John J. Wall
> Law Student and an American
>
> P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen,
> Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.
>
> P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.
>
> Forward This Every Time You Get It ! Let's Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It
> Will Start>

The Final Inspection ... thanks Pat f.!

THE FINAL INSPECTION PLEASE DO NOT HOLD ON TO THIS OR PRESS DELETE. SOMEONE HAS TO HOLD OUR COUNTRY IN THEIR HANDS. SEND THIS ON, AND ON. [cid:C074BFB4-6DAC-416E-8EE1-D182B48DBC78][cid:1D1F2405-46A6-4BE3-96BF-956B891BD2EC][cid:BEA1DA64-180D-45F1-B3B0-FD42D8A975AF] [cid:061725DD-6B7E-4595-AB21-8E01C9AD50C3][cid:0047B69A-64DA-4748-B1BF-F7977E2D3F5E] THE FINAL INSPECTION The soldier stood and faced God, Which must always come to pass. He hoped his shoes were shining, Just as brightly as his brass. 'Step forward now, soldier , How shall I deal with you? Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?' The soldier squared his shoulders and said, 'No, Lord, I guess I have not. Because those of us who carry guns, Can't always be a saint. I've had to work most Sundays, And at times my talk was tough. And sometimes I've been violent, Because the world is awfully rough. But, I never took a penny, That wasn't mine to keep... Though I worked a lot of overtime, When the bills just got too steep. And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear.. And sometimes, God, forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears. I know I don't deserve a place, Among the people here. They never wanted me around, Except to calm their fears If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand. I never expected or had too much, But if you don't, I'll understand. There was a silence all around the throne, Where the saints had often trod. As the soldier waited quietly, For the judgment of his God. 'Step forward now, you soldier, You've borne your burdens well. Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in Hell.' Author Unknown~ [cid:88C6CF47-0B9E-474C-9DAC-1FDA5A26C0F9] If you care to offer the smallest token of recognition and appreciation for our military, please pass this on and pray for our men and women who have served, and are currently serving our country. And pray for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for freedom....

Bowling alley in clearwater, FL ... thanks Judi C.!

:

It is a bit disrepectful, but rather funny. AND they are making money......

Gotta love it.

BOWLING ALLEY in CLEARWATER , FL IS DOING A RECORD BUSINESS BOWLING ALLEY in CLEARWATER , FLORIDA IS DOING A RECORD BUSINESS. Wanna knock his teeth out? A bowling alley in Clearwater , Florida , Bowl-O-Bama, is doing record business despite a bad economy. The alley also reports a record number of 300 games. Since opening in November 2010, 963 patrons have bowled a perfect game, including strikes in the warm-up frames. This alley also has the highest bowling league average in the country, with a 237. And that’s the senior league. 

Cancel your credit card before you die ... thanks T & C!

Subject: Fwd: Cancel your credit cards before you die..

an oldie but still good

TX TS 8-)

Subject: Fwd: FW: Cancel your credit cards before you die..

___________________________________

Subject: FW: Cancel your credit cards before you die..

___________________________________

Now some people are really stupid!!!!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today..

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange :

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank : 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member : 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.. '

Citibank : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank : 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member : 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member : 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor'

Supervisor gets on the phone :

Family Member : 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member : 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank : (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member : 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member : 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax :

Citibank : 'Our system just isn't setup for death.. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member : 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member : 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank : 'That might help....'

Family Member : ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank : 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member : 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'

(Priceless!! )

You wondered why Citi Bank is going broke and need the feds to bail them out!!