Subject: Fwd: Cowboy Rules......
The really good stuff is below... See the Cowboy solution to saving gasoline...
Cowboy rules for: Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, and Idaho:
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked. Refer back to No. 1.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're not impressed. We have $350,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept, don't like it go back to where 'ya came from.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop or that pink café run by sissy boys.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, and the Lakers, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump bass crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your pink boxers! Refer back to #1!
17. And one more thing. We have guns, lots of 'em. And we use 'em if we want to or have to. If that makes you nervous, NY CITY won't let anybody have 'em there. I heard it's pretty there in the Fall.
And there is more.............
The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline.
1. The government wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....
2. Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders... When they catch an illegal alien crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot and a "banger." We don't want you either here. Go back to where you come from.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked. Refer back to No. 1.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're not impressed. We have $350,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept, don't like it go back to where 'ya came from.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop or that pink café run by sissy boys.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, and the Lakers, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump bass crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your pink boxers! Refer back to #1!
17. And one more thing. We have guns, lots of 'em. And we use 'em if we want to or have to. If that makes you nervous, NY CITY won't let anybody have 'em there. I heard it's pretty there in the Fall.
And there is more.............
The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline.
1. The government wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....
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2. Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders... When they catch an illegal alien crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....
- Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military....
- Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it.....
- After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.....
- He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident..... This option will probably deter illegal aliens and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.
- If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.
Problem solved......
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!
