Pope in Alaska Joke - Thx Judi C!

Pope in Alaska Joke-

The Pope in Alaska

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of
Alaska.  He was cruising along the campground in the 'Popemobile' when he
heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.  He found a helpless
Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a Register all Guns hat and a save the
trees shirt.  The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all
about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came racing up.
One quickly fired a .475 slug right into the bear’s chest.  The two other men
pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp.  Then using baseball
bats, the three loggers finished off the bear.  Two of the men dragged the
dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly
placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. “I give
you my blessing for your brave actions!” he proudly proclaimed.  “I have
heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic
environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not
true.”

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, “Who the hell was that
guy ?"   “Dude, that was the Pope," another replied.  “He's in direct contact
with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

“Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he don't
know anything about bear hunting!  By the way, is our bait still alive or do
we need to go back to California and get another one.?

Don't want to live under it ... thx Alma H

"Responding to the people's will, House Republicans first voted to fund all of government -- except Obamacare. Obama refused to negotiate and Senate Democrats refused to pass it.

Then the Republicans voted to fully fund the government, but merely delay the implementation of Obamacare for one year. Obama refused to negotiate and Senate Democrats refused to pass it.

Finally, the Republicans voted to fully fund the government, but added a requirement that everyone live under Obamacare. No more special waivers for Congress and their staff, and no waivers for big business without the same waivers for individuals."

In summary, "the only reason the government is shut down right now is that Democrats refuse to fund the government if they are required to live under Obamacare."

http://townhall.com/columnists/anncoulter/2013/10/09/democrats-to-america-we-own-the-government-n1720481/page/full

 skegley.blogspot.com

Tools and how to use them ... Thx Alma H!

Tools and how to use them:

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh, crap'.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

Channel Locks: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal !!

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

COMMON SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

PVC PIPE CUTTER: A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A BEE TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a Bee' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.