Blond... Thanks T & C!

Subject: BLONDS

To:











>

>

> **Blondes Are The Best!!! **

>

> A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard

> barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.

>

> The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

>

> The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!

>

> ++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++

>

> Two Blondes With Hammers..... ...

>

> Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding,

> would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

>

> Judy, figuring this was worth looking into asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I

> pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.' Judy got

> completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'

>

> ++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++

>

> Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

> They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

>

> ++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++

>

> A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this

> happen?' the Emergency Room doctor asked her.

>

> 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

>

> 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'

>

> 'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these

> implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

>

> 'So then?' asked the doctor.

> 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting

> myself in the mouth.'

>

> 'So then?'

>

> 'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear

> before I pulled the trigger.’

>

> ++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++++++

>

> A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so

> the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some

> fun...... He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

>

> So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So

> she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?'

>

> The first Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the

> dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hellooooo! You need to roll up the windows first.'

>

> ++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++

>

> A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked

> it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

> The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... . It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'

> 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I' m going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the

> next day.

>

> Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?

>

> 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied..

>

> Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

>

> The blonde replied..... .'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

>

> ++++++++++++ +

>

> AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

>

> A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

>

> The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'

>

> The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'

>

> 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'

>

> The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the

> blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. .......

>

> 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

>

> 'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'

Be careful what you wish for... Thanks Vices!

I suspect this is from Carol, surely not Clay! 



Sent: Monday, February 21, 2011 6:54 AM

Subject: Fw: Fwd: Be Careful What You Wish For....









A man was sick and tired

Of going to work every day

While his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went

Through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord:

I go to work every day and put

In 8 hours while my wife

Merely stays at home.

I want her to know what

I go through.

So, please allow her body to

Switch with mine for a day.

'



God, in his infinite wisdom,

Granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough,

The man awoke as a woman...

He arose, cooked breakfast

For his mate,

Awakened the kids,



Set out their school clothes,

Fed them breakfast,

Packed their lunches,

Drove them to school,

Came home and picked

Up the dry cleaning,

Took it to the cleaners

And stopped at the bank

To make a deposit,



Went grocery shopping,

Then drove home to put

Away the groceries,



Paid the bills and balanced

The check book.

He cleaned the cat's litter box

And bathed the dog..

Then, it was already 1 P.M.

And he hurried to make the beds,

Do the laundry, vacuum,

Dust, And sweep and mop

The kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up

The kids and got into an argument

With them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and

Got the kids organized to do

Their homework.

Then, set up the ironing board

And watched TV while he

Did the ironing

At 4:30 he began peeling

Potatoes and washing

Vegetables for salad,

Breaded the pork chops

And snapped

Fresh beans for supper.



After supper,

He cleaned the kitchen,

Ran the dishwasher,

Folded laundry,

Bathed the kids, And put

Them to bed.

At 9 P.M. He was exhausted

And, though his daily chores

Weren't finished, he went to

Bed where he was expected to

Make love, which he managed

To get through without complaint.



The next morning, he awoke

And immediately knelt by the

Bed and said: -

Lord, I don't know what

I was thinking.

I was so wrong to envy my

Wife's' being able to stay

Home all day.

Please, Oh! Please,

Let us trade back.. Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:



'My son, I feel you have

Learned your lesson and

I will be happy to change

Things back to the way

They were.

You'll just have to wait

Nine months, though.

You got pregnant last night.'





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