New federal golf rules ... Thanks John Massey!

John & Yvette Massey


John,

I have two great Portsmouth friends.  Ronnie Walters just can't beat John Bob Looney in golf.  I am afraid he might weaken and vote for the little o if he hears of this so I won't tell him about it. ;)

Sam


New Federal Golf Rules :



These new golf rules will be in effect beginning October 1, 2011. Please share with fellow golfers.

President BHO has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective October 1, 2011. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.

Here are a few of the changes.



Golfers with handicaps:

- below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.

- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.

- above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.



The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:

- handicaps below 10, no entitlements.

- handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.

- handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.



These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring. In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again. The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.



This is intended to "re-distribute" the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only "net score" against every other player's "gross score." These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.



Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility. This is the "Right thing to do."

Campaign Poster ... Thanks John & Yvette!

John & Yvette Massey




2012 CAMPAIGN POSTER

'going viral'.

"Socialism is a philosophy of failure,

the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy,

its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.."

-- Winston Churchill



These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read: Unfortunately, most voters don't know this.



1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.



2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.



3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.



4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.



5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them; and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.



Can you think of any reason for not sharing this?

Neither could I.

A fly in the toilet ... thanks tom & Carolyn Lynch!

Subject: Fly in the toilet.....Funny

When my friend went to the men's room in the Schiphol Airport located in Amsterdam, he saw a fly and did his best to 'wash' it down the drain...but failed. He figured the fly had super glue foot pads!


Now he knows why it was there!


Who says you can't potty train a male?

LIFE THOUGHTS BY'Papa Duck'

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.

So I said 'Implants?'

She hit me.


How come we choose from just

two people to run forpresident and over fifty for Miss America ?

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.



I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!



When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN!

Why is it that our childrencan't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

A completely brilliant question!



Wouldn't you know it.....





Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.



Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Another completely brilliant question!

Bumper sticker of the year:





'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'

This is a very special statement!











And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.







Ya just might want to pass this along.





"In God We Trust"

KEEP AMERICA SAFE

Bus Ride ... Oh Margie! Toupee or not toupee ;)

BUS TRIP

A senior citizens' group charters an overnight gambling casino bus trip from MD to Branson, MO.


As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!'


The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.


A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested.


The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?


About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested, too.


The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.


'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' says the bus driver.



'I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I try to grab it, it runs away!'