1 is identity in muliplying and dividing, how 2011- 1's

Thanks Patricia!

Subject: Fw: Check This Out

Check this out     This year we will experience 4 unusual dates..... 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11..... Now, go figure this out..... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born, add the age you will be this year and it will equal out to be 111........ Yeah, I scratched my head too.

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Ponderisms... Thanks John Bob!

Subject: Fw: : PONDERISMS



Ponderisms



1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?

Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE



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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!)



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3. OK ..... So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?



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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?



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5. There are three religious truths:

a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.



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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?



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7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?



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8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?



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9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?



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10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?



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11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?



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12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?



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13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?



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14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?



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15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... They're cramming for their final exam.



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16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?



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17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?

Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?



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18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?



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19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?



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22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?



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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?



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24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?

Recall Notice! Thanks Dave Miller!

Thanks Dave Miller!

RECALL NOTICE:







The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.



This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.





This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.



Some of the symptoms include:

1. Loss of direction

2. Foul vocal emissions

3. Amnesia of origin

4. Lack of peace and joy

5. Selfish or violent behavior

6. Depression or confusion in the mental component

7. Fearfulness

8. Idolatry

9. Rebellion







The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.







The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is:







P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.







Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.



No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:

1. Love

2. Joy

3. Peace

4. Patience

5. Kindness

6. Goodness

7. Faithfulness

8. Gentleness

9. Self control



Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.



WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on God in Jesus' name.



DANGER: The human being units not responding

to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter his Kingdom so as to prevent contamination of that facility.









Thank you for your attention!



GOD



P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!



Live Simply, Love Generously, Care Deeply, Speak Kindly, Leave the Rest to God. . . . . .

A Polite way to call someone a B-----d

Now, Ted Truitt, you can see why the warning note before entering my blog.  That darn Clay Vice snuck this one in on me.

SamKat... aka Sam Kegley (PHS50)



A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.






The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.



They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"



The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.



The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.



As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.







The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.



The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.







The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."



The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"



The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them.

Read the bar code... Thanks Sarah Rapp!

Thanks again, Sarah DuPuy Rapp!



-----Original Message-----

Subject: Fw: Read the label (bar code) this will surprise you shoppers







---

To: Date: Friday, January 21, 2011, 6:32 AM









Shopped and changed products to that made here. Worth the time.



Read the label (bar code) this will surprise you shoppers







This may be useful to know when grocery shopping, if it's a concern to you.







The whole world is afraid of China-made "black hearted goods".



Can you differentiate which one is made in Taiwan or China ?



If the first 3 digits of the barcode are 690, 691 or 692, the product is MADE IN CHINA..



471 is Made in Taiwan .



This is our right to know, but the government and related departments never educate the public, therefore we have to RESCUE ourselves.



Nowadays, Chinese businessmen know that consumers do not prefer products "MADE IN CHINA ", so they don't show from which country it is made..



However, you may now refer to the barcode, remember if the first 3 digits are:

00 - 09 USA & CANADA

690-692 … then it is MADE IN CHINA ..

30 - 37 … FRANCE

40 - 44 … GERMANY

47 ... Taiwan

49 … JAPAN

50 … UK



BUY USA by watching for "0" at the beginning of the number. We need every boost we can get!

In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects someone else and perhaps even their job.



My grandson likes Hershey's candy. It is marked made in Mexico . I do not buy it any more My favorite toothpaste Colgate is made in Mexico now. I have switched to Crest. You have to read the labels on everything.



This past weekend I was at Kroger. I needed 60W light bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle and right next to the GE brand I normally buy was an off brand labeled,”Everyday Value." I picked up both types of bulbs and compared the stats - they were the same except for the price. The GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand but the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in - get ready for this - the USA in a company in Cleveland , Ohio .



So throw out the myth that you cannot find products you use every day that are made right here.



So on to another aisle - Bounce Dryer Sheets....yep, you guessed it, Bounce cost more money and is made in Canada . The Everyday Value brand was less money and M ADE IN THE USA! I did laundry yesterday and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price!



So my challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the USA – the job you save may be your own or your neighbors!



If you accept the challenge, pass this on to others in your address book so we can all start buying American, one light bulb at a time! Stop buying from China ...........



(We should have awakened to this a decade ago......)



Let's get with the program.... help our fellow Americans keep their jobs and create more jobs here in the U.S.A. !!!

The tiny cabin... thanks Sarah DuPuy Rapp!

Thanks Sarah DuPuy Rapp, Portsmouth Trojan John Rapp's widow!

 

THE TINY CABIN



A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts recently transferred to mountains of Tenneesee and was on first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.



"Anybody home?" she asked.



"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.



"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.



"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.



"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.



"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.



"But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?" "Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"



Government workers are so very smart. Aren't you overjoyed that they'll soon be handling all our financial, educational and medical dilemmas?



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I also liked these, Luis flores!

I liked these






As Always During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these:







FOUR GREAT RELIGIOUS TRUTHS:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.





GOOD SAMARITAN A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the silence, "I think I'd throw up."







DID NOAH FISH? A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"







THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was very nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."







UNANSWERED PRAYER The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.







BEING THANKFUL A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"





ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS When my daughter, Kelly, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelly would say,"And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelly, why do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody else always finishes their prayers by saying 'All Men!"







SAY A PRAYER Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do” his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook."



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Old Testament and New Testament Difference

The USA has not become so different from Soddom and Gomorrah (sp?), except that the old testament residents had God, yet He had not sent his Son, Jesus Christ.  He lived among and died for each of this earth's inhabitants.  Jesus was miraculously ressurrected.  But each earthling must accept Him, as God's Son and New Testament plan.

I am encouraged by attending Xenos, a wonderful Bible teaching mega-church in Westerville, Ohio, where Dr. Jeff Gordon, and a few other excellent teachers, present the gospel each Sunday.  I wholeheartedly accept Christ and God's great plan.

I joke among family and friends that I am TIO (The Innocent One) and they fire their disbeliefs right back at me.  Only joking, of course.  I place myself  above Paul, in being "chief among sinners".  God knows that and still loves me.  Oh, how wonderful!

Sam aka SamKat