How grandparents are perceived ... thx Marge R!

HOW GRANDPARENTS ARE PERCEIVED

 

1.  She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before.After she applied her lipstick and  started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

 

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

 

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her  head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

 

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

 

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

 

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

 

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door,  saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

 

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the  mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

 

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

 

10.. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said... "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

 

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

 

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck.."

A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

 

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

 

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

 

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

 

SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS, ALMOST GRANDPARENTS, OR HECK, SEND IT TO EVERYONE. IT WILL MAKE THEIR DAY!

 

Grandparents ... thx Lyle S!

GRANDPARENTS'    ANSWERING MACHINE

 

Good    morning . . . At   present   we are not    at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep.

beeeeeppp    ...

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from    1 to 5 in order of "birth arrival" so we know who it is.

If    you need us to stay with the children, press 2

If you want to borrow the    car, press 3

If you want us to wash your clothes and do ironing, press    4

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5

If you    want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6

If you want us to prepare a    meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7

If you want    to come to eat here, press 8

If you need money, press    9

 

If    you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the    theatre ,   start    talking ... we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"

 

**********************************************************************

 

WHAT        IS A GRANDPARENT?

(Taken from papers written by a class of        8-year-olds)

Grandparents    are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other    people's.

A    grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents    don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see    them …   They    are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the    shops and give us money.

When    they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and    caterpillars.

They    show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we    shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

 

They    don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually    grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They    wear glasses and funny underwear.

They    can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents    don't have to be smart.

They    have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs    chase cats?'

When    they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if    we   ask    for the same story over again.

 

Everybody should try to have a grandmother,    especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who    like to spend time   with    us.

GRANDPA    IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO    SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

 

It's    funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their    dog.

   

 

 

Send    this to other grandparents, almost grandparents, or ....... send it to    everyone. It will make their day.

Coach and Grandma ... thjx Jim Kegley

 

 

A Must read for Grandmothers.

 

  

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his

9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you

understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The

little boy nodded in the affirmative.

'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win

or lose together as a team?'

The little boy nodded 'yes'.

'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an

out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire,

or call him a pecker-head, dickhead or asshole. Do you

understand all that? '

The little boy nodded 'yes' again.

He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so

another boy gets a chance to play too, it's not good

sportsmanship to call your coach "a dumb ass or

shithead" is it?'

The little boy shook his head 'NO'.

 

'GOOD', said the coach . . . 'Now go over there and

explain all that to your grandmother!'

 

Tough cowboy grandson to Granny ... Thks Anon Y.!

A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELED HIS GRANDDAUGHTER THAT IF SHE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HER OATMEAL EVERY MORNING. THE GRANDDAUGHTER DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103 WHEN SHE DIED. SHE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, AND A 15-FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE.

Senator Kerry- We'll pass the CRPD by July 26

I'm sure many of you enjoy calling Senators as much as I do, however I think
the implications here are too important to ignore.

Sen. Kerry: We'll Pass the CRPD by July 26!

Senator John Kerry announced yesterday that he plans to pass the UN
Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities before July 26-just 13
days from today. He has scheduled a formal committee vote next Thursday-July
19. This is an unprecedented attempt to jam a binding international treaty
through the Senate without proper time for debate or consideration.

Yesterday's "hearing" was a carefully-orchestrated attempt to get this
treaty ratified without any serious consideration. There were nine total
witnesses. Only two people opposed to the treaty were allowed to
testify-Steven Groves from Heritage Foundation and me.

The Administration seeks to promote two ideas that are simply inaccurate: 1.
Disabled Americans who travel overseas will directly benefit by U.S.
ratification of this treaty; 2. Ratifying a treaty does not require us to
comply with international law.

They are arguing that a treaty is an empty promise with no actual substance.
The Supremacy Clause of the Constitution makes it clear that the
Administration is wrong. Treaties form a part of the Supreme Law of the Land
once ratified.

And no one even attempted a serious answer to our core parental rights
concern.

Article 7 of the UNCRPD gives government the ability to override every
decision of a parent of disabled children if the government thinks that its
views are in "the best interest of the child."

This is a radical attempt to take away parental rights. Make no mistake-if
they succeed at ratifying this treaty, the Convention on the Rights of the
Child is next. This is not a battle just for parents with disabled and
special needs children. This is a battle for every parent.

We absolutely must flood the US Senate with phone calls. Senator Durbin
mentioned that they were hearing from homeschoolers (and he was annoyed at
us for voicing our opinion of his side's planned assault on parental
rights). But, we need to do even more.

This is the most important issue that we will face this year. By July 26-up
or down-we will either take another step toward becoming the subjects of a
world government OR we will preserve our rights as American citizens.

I urge you all in the strongest possible terms-CALL BOTH OF YOUR U.S.
Senators today. If you have called them in their Washington, DC, office-call
them again in their in-state offices which you can find on the web. (Usually
at {Senator's last name}.Senate.gov. For instance, Smith.senate.gov.)

Get everyone you know to call their Senators as well. Network. Facebook.
Phone lists. Every place you can network-please do it. And pray like mad.

Taking away our parental rights won't build wheelchair ramps for disabled
Americans who travel to other countries. The promise being made that this
treaty will result in new accessibility options in foreign countries is an
illusion. The demise of our parental rights is a certainty.

Call. Call. Pray. And Call.

Sincerely,

Michael Farris
President


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P.O. Box 1090 Purcellville, VA 20134 * (540)-751-1200 *
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Grandparents in thre granchildrens' eyes ... Thanks Nita!

GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE

Good morning . . . At present we are not at home but, please Leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp ...

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2

If you want to borrow the car, press 3

If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7

If you want to come to eat here, press 8

If you need money, press 9

If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the theater start talking we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"

Keep reading:

The following were taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds:

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run.. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

MY GRANDMOTHER LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE

AIRPORT.

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

Send this to other grandparents, almost grandparents, or heck, send it to everyone. It will make their day.

(I hope this made you smile!!!!!)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~