The Wit of Phyllis Diller ... Thx Judi C!

Sam Kegley

---

The Wit of Phyllis Diller 1 message

---

Judi Cole	Mon, Jul 31, 2017 at 6:27 PM
Bcc: skegley.kegley@gmail.com
She sure had a unique sense of humor!!  The Wit of Phyllis Diller Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is the like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Phyllis Diller The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Phyllis Diller Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. Phyllis Diller I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. Phyllis Diller Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. Phyllis Diller We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. Phyllis Diller You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. Phyllis Diller I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. Phyllis Diller What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally put gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? Phyllis Diller His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. Phyllis Diller Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. Phyllis Diller My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. Phyllis Diller There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. Phyllis Diller I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. Phyllis Diller My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor . Phyllis Diller My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. Phyllis Diller  Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. Phyllis Diller I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.' Phyllis Diller The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. Phyllis Diller You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. Phyllis Diller Virus-free. www.avast.com