Best Divorce Message Ever per Mary Kegley

Subj: FW: Best Divorce Letter Ever




this is great!










"Trust in the Lord with all your

heart and lean not on your own

understanding; in all your ways

acknowledge Him, and He will guide

your path.




Best Divorce Letter Ever

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell
You that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7
Years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been
Hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
Quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn't even
Notice I had a new haircut, had
Cooked your favorite meal & even
Wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went
Straight to sleep after watching all of
Your soaps
You don't tell me you love me anymore;
You don't want sex or anything
That connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or
You don't love me anymore; whatever!
The case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are
Moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!


Dear
Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a
Good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
Constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but
The 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't
Say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
Must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because
I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you
Because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed
It was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50
From me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work
It out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit
My job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home
You were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope
You have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
The letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So
Take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister
Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

Thanks Jack,

I'm glad Doc didn't have a serious event. I worry about you youngsters when I don't hear from you, Jack.

Yes Jim is one of my younger brothers (he's 70 I think). I haven't read the articles. He and one of Del Rice's teammates on 1939 Trojan teams, started the Scioto Voice in Wheelersburg (a weekly newspaper). Jim sold it about ten years ago, but continues writing his "High Notes" articles for the paper. My now deceased good friend, Bob Lyles, called Jim the best nostalgia writer for Portsmouth.

Enjoy P'Town! You may not find it just as the 1955 Illustrious Imaginator, Frank Hunter, has dubbed it in recent years.

Sam
----- Original Message -----
From: Jack H Plymale
To: Sam Kegley
Sent: Wednesday, July 01, 2009 6:48 PM
Subject: Family talents and tendencies


Received some snail mail from Jim Fout and his wife( your old neighbor Helen Scott).
Enclosures( Newspaper clipping from The Portsmouth Times)
-- 1. New football field with artificial turf (picture only)
Jack P. 2.Article entitled , The Adams Bakery, by Jim Kegley

3.Article entitled, Names That Make Your Mouth Water, also by Jim Kegley
I enjoyed the subject matter and the style and assumed the named Kegley to be of your clan. If I am correct in the assumption, please convey my gratitude and admiration to your kin. I am still at Doc Yeagles house in Williamson , Ga. The morning we started for Portsmouth, his defibrillator fired and we made a quick trip to the emergency room only to find that the incident was a malfunction and he had not had a heart episode. We are going to try it again this coming Monday.( trip to Portsmouth, I mean) I hope with better results.
If this fellow is your brother, as I suspect, he has revealed that you were once the neighbor of both Doc and Jim on Charles St. A lot of difference in age but you apparently all lived there at the same time. Doc on the wrong end of the street. Jim on the better end. They still joke about that. Doc's family moved to Vinton. Mound Street dead ended right into his house and Jim moved almost to the end of( I'm having a senior moment and don't remember the name of that fancy street.) Jack P.

Paul & Mary Kegley

This e-mail came from my brother Paul's address. I don't believe Paul authored it, but he does have a wife named Mary.

Sam:

Three Men on a Hike


Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging,
violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give
me the strength to cross the river.'

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across
in about two hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me
strength and the tools to cross the river.'

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was
able to row across in about an hour, after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength, the tools, and the intelligence
to cross the river.'

Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked
one hundred yards upstream, and walked across the bridge.

GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO
CAN HANDLE IT!

'If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!'

Clay Vice e-mail

> Subject: Physical Checkup
>
> After
> the
> eighty-three year old lady finished her
> annual physical
>
> examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine shape
> for your
>
> age, Mrs. Mallory, but tell me, do you still have
> intercourse?"
> "Just a
> minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she
> said. She stepped out
> into the crowded reception room and
> yelled out loud: "Bob, do we
> still have intercourse?"
> And there was a hush you could hear a
> pin drop.
> Bob answered
> impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma,
> I told you a hundred
> times...What we have is Blue Cross!"

Self preservation- Patricia Richards Whitehead

Thanks Patricia! I will post this on my blog. You, friend, are a major contributor with your interesting messages.

Sam
----- Original Message -----
From: Patricia Whitehead
To: Sam Kegley
Sent: Friday, June 26, 2009 10:20 PM
Subject: Fw: Wasp Spray - Very good Idea




Subject: Fw: Wasp Spray - Very good Idea











This is a great idea, especially if you live alone!



Great Idea!! Now there will be a run on wasp spray.




This will cut down on gun sales--when they break in , all you have to do is reach for your bug spray


Subject: Wasp Spray vs Pepper Spray

Good idea...If you've ever used wasp spray for wasp, you'll know that it shoots at least up to twenty feet.
Guys, tell your women.

I have a friend who is a receptionist in a church in a high risk area who was concerned about someone coming into the office on Monday to rob them when they were counting the offering. She asked the local police department about using pepper spray and they recommended to her that she get a can of wasp spray instead. The wasp spray, they told
her, can shoot up to twenty feet away and is a lot more accurate, while with the pepper spray they have to get too close to you and could overpower you.

The wasp spray temporarily blinds an attacker until they get to the hospital for an antidote. She keeps a can on her desk in the office and it doesn't attract attention from people like a can of pepper spray would. She also keeps one nearby at home for home protection.

Thought this was interesting and might be of use.



!

Excellent piece, Alma!

Do not know who wrote this,

I have noted that many elected officials, both Democrats and
Republicans, called upon America to unite behind Obama.


Well, I want to make it clear to all who will listen that I AM
NOT uniting behind Obama!

I will respect the Office which he holds, and I will acknowledge
his abilities as an orator and wordsmith and pray for him, BUT that is
it.

I have begun today to see what I can do to make sure that He is
a one-term President!

Why am I doing this?

It is because I do not share Obama's vision or Value system
for America ;

I do not share his Abortion beliefs;

I do not share his radical Marxist's concept of re-distributing
wealth ;

I do not share his stated views on raising taxes on those who
make $150,000+ (the ceiling has been changed three times since August);


I do not share his view that America is Arrogant;

I do not share his view that America is not a Christian
Nation;

I do not share his view that the military should be reduced by
25%;

I do not share his view of amnesty and giving more to illegals
than American Citizens who need help;

I do not share his views on homosexuality and his definition of
marriage;

I do not share his views that Radical Islam is our friend and
Israel is our enemy who should give up any land;

I do not share his spiritual beliefs (at least the ones he has
made public);

I do not share his beliefs on how to re-work the healthcare
system in America ;

I do not share his Strategic views of the Middle East, and
certainly do not share his plan to sit down with terrorist regimes such
as Iran .

Bottom line, my America is vastly different from Obama's, and
I have a higher obligation to my Country and my God to do what is Right!


For eight (8) years, the Liberals in our Society, led by
numerous entertainers who would have no platform and no real credibility
but for their celebrity status, have attacked President Bush, his
family, and his spiritual beliefs!

They have not moved toward the center in their beliefs and their
philosophies, and they never came together nor compromised their
personal beliefs for the betterment of our Country! They have
portrayed my America as a land where everything is tolerated except
being intolerant!

They have been a vocal and irreverent minority for years; they
have mocked and attacked the very core values so important to the
founding and growth of our Country!

They have made every effort to remove the name of God or Jesus
Christ from our Society! They have challenged capital punishment, the
right to bear firearms, and the most basic principles of our criminal
code; they have attacked one of the most fundamental of all Freedoms,
the right of free speech!

Unite behind Obama? Never!

I am sure many of you who read this think that I am going
overboard, but I refuse to retreat one more inch in favor of those whom
I believe are the embodiment of Evil!

PRESIDENT BUSH made many mistakes during his Presidency, and I
am not sure how history will judge him.

However, I believe that he weighed his decisions in light of
the long established Judeo-Christian principles of our Founding
Fathers!!!

Majority rules in America , and I will honor the concept;
however, I will fight with all of my power to be a voice in opposition
to Obama and "his goals for America ."

I am going to be a thorn in the side of those who, if left
unchecked, will destroy our Country!! Any more compromise is more
defeat!

I pray that the results of this election will wake up many who
have sat on the sidelines and allowed the Socialist-Marxist anti-God
crowd to slowly change so much of what has been good in America !

"Error of Opinion may be tolerated where Reason is left free to
combat it." ( Thomas Jefferson)

God bless you and God bless our Country!!!

(Please, please, please, Pass this on if you agree)
Thanks for your time, be safe.

"In God We Trust"

'If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will
be a nation gone under.'
- Ronald Reagan

Very nice thoughts in this e-mail

This is from a wonderful friend of mine. She knows so much about beauty and life. Thanks Mimi!


Subject: God's wife! A very nice forward from a friend !


Dear Friends,

This from a friend in Hyderabad. bob



Hi Folks,

No one i know has seen God, yet many in my family have experianced His being there.
EHSAS as would be aptly described in Hindi.
God is experianced in routine life...one has to be fortunate enough to experience it.......all stories that follow are worth the EHSAS that they give.
Remember.... all/most of us have heard them before - but how many of us have actually paused to ponder ?????

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once
talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was:




A four-year-old child, whose next door

neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his
wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old
gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his mother asked him what he had
said to the neighbor, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just
helped him cry.'
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were
discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture
had a different hair color than the other members. One of her
students suggested that he was adopted.
A little girl said, 'I know all about
adoption, I was adopted..'
'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked
another child.
'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew
in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
On my way home one day, I stopped to
watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a
park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-
base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was
'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered
with a smile.
'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you
don't look very discouraged. '
'Discouraged? ', the boy asked with a
puzzled look on his face....
'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't
been up to bat yet.'
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot
in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.
Jamie was trying out for a part in the
school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being
in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.
On the day the parts were awarded, I went
with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her,
eyes shining with pride and excitement. 'Guess what, Mom,' he
shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to
me....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
An eye witness account from New York
City , on a cold day in December,
some years ago: A little boy,
about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the
roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering
with cold.
A lady approached the young boy and said,
'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'
'I was asking God to give me a pair of
shoes,'was the boy's reply.
The lady took him by the hand, went into
the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks
for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water
and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.
She took the little fellow to the back
part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed
his little feet, and dried them with the towel.
By this time, the clerk had returned with
the socks.. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him
a pair of shoes..
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks
and gave them to him.. She patted him on the head and said, 'No
doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'
As she turned to go, the astonished kid
caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears
in his eyes, asked her.
'Are you God's wife?'








"Cherish yesterday, Dream tomorrow. Live today."