Mensa Invitational- Jackie Brown from Bill Meade

Subject: Mensa Invitational






Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Blaine's memories list

Some things your kids and grand kids have no idea about:


01. Being able to choose from only two or three television channels.
02. Finding out information from an encyclopedia.
03. Using a road atlas to get from place A to place B.
04. Shopping only during the day.
05. Carrying on a correspondence with real letters, especially the handwritten kind.
06. Typewriters and using carbon paper in them.
07. Spam--the meat in a can.
08. Putting film in your camera and taking it to a photo processing establishment. Also, advancing the film in the camera manually for the next shot.
09. Telephones with actual bells in them.
10. Remembering someone’s telephone number.
11. Kentucky Fried Chicken, as opposed to KFC,
12. Trig and Log tables.
13. Finding books by way of a card catalogue in a library.
14. Roller skates. And, the skate key.
15. A floor model television set.
16. Knowing what a Polaroid camera is.
17. LED digital watches.
18. Pulling vacuum tubes out of your television set and taking them down to the drug store and testing them on the Tube-Tester to see which one was bad.
19. Spending your entire weekly allowance at the candy counter at the drug store.
20. Playing a 45-rpm vinyl record on your record player.
21. Using a rotary-dial telephone.
22. Hard-packed dirt under the swings at the playground.
23. Gasoline at under $1 per gallon.
24. Watching the test pattern on television with total fascination.
25. Starting a car by pressing the starter button on the dashboard, or switched on the high beams by pressing a foot switch, or riding on a running board.
26. Watching a Kodachrome slide show in someone’s living room and smelling that hot projector smell.
27. The smell of a freshly-printed test from a mimeograph machine.
28. Wind-up alarm clocks.
29. Toy guns without the orange tips.
30. Buying Coca-Cola in bottles and cigarettes from vending machines.
31. Telephone numbers that had letters in them.
32. Getting cash from the bank before the ATM.
33. Blackboards and taking the erasers to the school basement to clap them together to get the dust out for your teacher.
34. Fountain pens that you filled with ink from a bottle. And, wooden school desks, firmly bolted to the floor, with inkwells in the desktop.
35. Backing off the throttle (gas) so the vacuum-driven wipers could swipe the rain off the windshield of your car.
36. Flash bulbs for your camera.
37. Metal lunch boxes.
38, Automobiles without air conditioning.
39. Milk in glass bottles delivered by the milkman to the silver box on your porch.
40. Hand-pushed lawn mowers.
41. A Western Union telegram delivered to your home by a boy on a bicycle.
42. Looking at disks in a View Master.
43. When every elementary school boy carried a knife to school in his pocket.
45. Cut-out paper dolls.
46. Pay public toilets.
47. Mercury thermometers.
48. Slide rules.
49. Kick the can in the street in the evening.
50. Brylcreem.


Blaine Bierley

Nita Elliott- worth a second read

John Smith started the day
> early having set his
>
> alarm
> clock
>
>
>
>
> (MADE
> IN JAPAN )
> for
> 6 am.
>
>
>
>
>
> While his
> coffeepot
>
>
>
>
>
> 0A(MADE
> IN CHINA )
>
>
>
>
> was
> perking, he shaved with his
>
>
>
> electric
>
> razor
>
>
>
> (MADE
> IN HONG KONG
> )
>
>
>
>
> He
> put on a
>
>
> dress
> shir t
>
>
> (MADE
> IN SRI
> LANKA
> ),
>
>
>
>
>
>
> designer
> jeans
>
>
> (MADE
> IN SINGAPORE
> )
>
>
>
> and
>
>
> tennis
> shoes
>
>
> (MADE
> IN
> KOREA)
>
>
>
>
> After cooking his
> breakfast in his new
>
>
>
> electric
> skillet
>
>
>
> (MADE
> IN INDIA )
> 0A
>
>
>
> he
> sat down with his
>
>
>
> calculator
>
>
>
> (MADE=2
> 0 IN MEXICO )
>
>
>
>
> to see how much he could
> spend today. After setting his
>
>
>
> watch
>
>
>
> (MADE
> IN TAIWAN )
>
>
>
>
> to the radio
>
>
>
> (MADE IN INDIA )
>
>
>
>
> he got in his
> car
>
>
>
>
> (MADE
> IN GERMANY )
>
>
> filled it with
>
> GAS
>
>
>
> (from
> Saudi Arabia )
>
>
>
> and continued his search
>
>
>
> for a good paying
> AMERICAN JOB.
>
>
> At the end of yet
> another discouraging
>
>
>
> and fruitless
>
> day
>
>
>
>
> checking his
>
>
>
> Computer
>
>
>
>
> (made ;in
> MALAYSIA ),
>
>
>
>
> John decided to relax
> for a while.
>
>
>
> He put on his
>
> sandals
>
>
>
>
>
> (MADE
> IN BRAZIL ),
>
>
>
>
> poured himself a glass
> of
>
>
> wine
>
>
>
>
> (MADE IN
> FRANCE )
>
>
>
> and turned on
> his
>
>
>
> TV
>
>
>
>
> (MADE
> IN INDONESIA
> ),
>
>
>
>
> and then wondered why he
> can't
>
>
> find a good paying
> job
>
>
>
> in
> AMERICA
>
>
> AND
> NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN
> GET HELP FROM A
> PRESIDENT
>
>
> MADE
> IN KENYA
>
>
>
>
> Y'all gotta Keep this one
> circulating, please!

Capitalism and Muslimism- USA

Americans have been taking it on the chin.. and then some. Hitler took over Germany relatively easily. Castro took over Cuba and turned into a communist country relatively easily. Now obama is taking over the USA and converting it to socialism to be followed by muslimism and it is going reativerly easily for him.

Oratory does it. Ronald Reagan was a great communicator and he succeeded for all the right reasons in America. Hitler was an orator, Castro was a long-winded orator and obama can speak and loves microphones and cameras. Charles Krauthammer rightly calls o a narcissist and claims him to be very methodical. I believe it.

Yet I still believe that right-thinking Americas can win our country back and develop better ways of governing than with all of the exhorbitant taxes we are seeing today. We MUST suck it up and get to work. Republicans, please don't just send money seeking letters. This senior citizen wants to join an honest fight to win back America for our kids and grandkids, but we have already been overtaxed.

Please God, send another great leader for our country!

O wants to control the internet

This is very interesting. God help us if this actually happens!! MR



____________________________________


_Should President Obama Control The Internet?_
(http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2295974/posts)
_Townhall.com ^_
(http://www.freerepublic.com/^http://townhall.com/columnists/AustinHill/2009/07/19/should_president_obama_control_the_internet) |
July 19, 2009 | Austin Hill
President Barack Obama wants to control the internet.
And if our President has his way, this website may soon be under legal
attack from the White House.
Since the internets emergence in the private sector (it actually began in
the public sector, through developments at the U.S. Department of Defense
back in the 1960s), officials in our U.S. Government have generally viewed
the internet as a good and necessary thing.
In 1996, when former Sun Microsystems Officer John Gage began a movement
to get high-tech companies involved in providing internet infrastructure for
the worlds schools, libraries, and clinics, President Bill Clinton and
Vice President Al Gore marked the first ever NetDay celebration by traveling
to Concord, California, and spending the day re-wiring a high school campus
with computer cables.
Similarly, both President Clinton and President George W. Bush pushed for
every school in America to be connected to the world wide web, and internet
connectivity generally flourished around the globe under the leadership of
both Presidents, and by both public and private funding means.
But today, things are different. After approximately seven months in
office, President Obama controls, in varying degrees, General Motors, Chrysler,
and a variety of financial services companies. He is seeking to control,
among other things, the health care industry, the energy industry, and the
amount of money that business executives are paid by their employers.
And now it appears that the President who ran the most successful,
web-savvy political campaign in world history, wants to curtail what other people
can do online.
Cass Sunstein, an American legal scholar and Harvard Law Professor, has
been appointed by President Obama to head up the White House Office Of
Information And Regulatory Affairs. His title is sufficiently broad and
ambiguous, but he wields plenty of power. And with advance copies circulating of his
new book On Rumors: How Falsehoods Spread, Why We Believe Them, What Can
Be Done, Americans who still care about their rights to freedom of speech
should be paying close attention.
You owe it to yourself to review what has been reported in both the New
York Post and the Wall Street Journal about Mr. Sunstein, and the ideas that
he advances in his book. And while we dont know precisely what Obama and
Sunstein will be doing, many of the thoughts that Mr. Sunstein expresses
about the internet seem consistent with President Obamas proclivity to control
things, generally.
Perhaps most disturbing is Mr. Sunsteins vision for the future of web
content, as he argues for a so-called notice and take down law. Under this
provision, those who operate websites - - The Washington Post, radio stations,
private bloggers, and perhaps even you, yourself -we would all be required
take down falsehoods upon notice from the U.S. government.
And not only would the original content of websites be scrutinized by the
government for falsehoods, website operators would also be held responsible
for the content of posts created by the websites visitors and readers. At
first blush it may seem that, for a web operator to be held accountable for
content generated by posters, is completely untenable. But that may very
well be Mr. Sunsteins goal - - to create an untenable situation for website
operators - given his assertion that a chilling effect on those who would
spread destructive falsehoods can be an excellent idea..
But who shall determine what, exactly, is true and false? Mr. Sunstein
laments the supposed lie that emerged during last years presidential race,
that Barack Obama pals around with terrorists. Despite that fact that a
friendship between Obama and known domestic terrorist William Ayers was something
that both men acknowledged, Sunstein alludes to the notion that this was
one of those destructive falsehoods of the sort that needs to be policed.
As I was recently talking about this matter on-air at Arizonas NewsTalk
92-3 KTAR radio, a caller to the show observed that theres no way this could
be legal, or constitutional.. Thoughtful Americans of all sorts will
immediately view this situation through the lenses of constitutionally guaranteed
rights.
But issues of legality dont seem to matter, at times, with the Obama
Administration. In March of this year, there was nothing illegal about
executives of the AIG Corporation being paid bonuses that they earned from their
employer, but they were harassed and publicly belittled, nonetheless.
President Obama himself demonized them, while dozens of Obama supporters
demonstrated in front of the private residences of the executives, alleging that it
was unfair for those executives to be making so much money.
In a similar way, it appears that the Obama Administration may be
ushering-in an era of harassment for website operators. Regardless of what U.S.
courts may or may not say about this in the future, a notice and take down
letter from the White House could have quite a chilling effect for today.

o's ten commandments

This from Newsmax.com

PATRIOT UPDATE EXCLUSIVE:
The Ten Commandments According to Obama

© 2009 The Patriot Update. Feel free to circulate this article, but please give credit and link to The Patriot Update!
Click here for the Online Version.

After observing Obama on the campaign trail and during his first six months in office, we have concluded that our President lives and governs according to his own set of "Ten Commandments." They're certainly NOT the Ten Commandments you learned in Sunday School. In fact, many are the direct opposite! To prove that our conclusions are correct, you will find a link to source documentation for each commandment on the Patriot Update web site.


--------------------------------------------------------

I. Thou shalt have no God in America, except for me. For we are no longer a Christian nation and, after all, I am the chosen One. (And like God, I do not have a birth certificate.) SOURCE

II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, unless it is my face carved on Mt. Rushmore. SOURCE

III. Thou shalt not utter my middle name in vain (or in public). Only I can say Barack Hussein Obama. SOURCE

IV. Remember tax day, April 15th, to keep it holy. SOURCE

V. Honour thy father and thy mother until they are too old and sick to care for. They will cost our public-funded health-care system too much money. SOURCE

VI. Thou shalt not kill, unless you have an unwanted, unborn baby. For it would be an abomination to punish your daughter with a baby. SOURCE

VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery if you are conservative or a Republican. Liberals and Democrats are hereby forgiven for all of their infidelity and immorality, but the careers of conservatives will be forever destroyed. SOURCE

VIII. Thou shalt not steal, until you've been elected to public office. Only then is it acceptable to take money from hard-working, successful citizens and give it to those who do not work, illegal immigrants, or those who do not have the motivation to better their own lives. SOURCE

IX. Thou shalt not discriminate against thy neighbor unless they are conservative, Caucasian, or Christian. SOURCE

X. Thou shalt not covet because it is simply unnecessary. I will place such a heavy tax burden on those that have achieved the American Dream that, by the end of my term as President, nobody will have any wealth or material goods left for you to covet. SOURCE

Kentucky Basketball Poem

This was posted on wwww.wildcatnation.net this morning. I had not seen this before, but I love it!

SamKat



Poem- Kentucky Basketball

#1 Today, 07:04 AM
RIP_Keightly
Freshman Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 105

Kentucky Poem

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remember seeing this before, thought I would share..


UK

What is Kentucky basketball?
It's not a coach.
It's not a player.
It's pride....tradition.


It's a 5 year old with a cat paw on his cheek saying, "Beat Louisville!"
It's not a game.
It's not a season.
It's pride....tradition.


It's expecting to be dancing every year where most pray to be.
It has no beginning.
It has no end.
It's pride....tradition.


It's waiting for midnight madness when the March buzzer rings.
Players that come are in awe of it.
Players that leave treasure it.
Players that oppose despise it.
It's pride....tradition.


It's getting the best from every opponent in hopes to top it.
Rupp built it.
Hall polished it.
Sutton shamed it.
Pitino restored it.
Calipari obsesses over it.
It's pride....tradition.


Keightly has served it.
Happy sang to it.
Cawood lived it.
It's pride....tradition.


Digger hates it.
Vitale and Packer are jealous of it.
McGuire realized it.
It's pride....tradition.


What is Kentucky Basketball?
It's "Blue and White" and "Go Big Blue"
It's "C!-A!-T!-S! Cats!, Cats!, Cats!"
It's pride....tradition.


It's more than a pastime
It's more than a hobby.
To some it's a religion.
It's pride....tradition.
It's K-E-N-T-U-C-K-Y on the jerseys.


Win or Lose, that's all that matters to me.



_____________________________________________________________________________




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