The newly wed wife said to her husband when he
returned from work: "I have great news for you.
Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house
instead of two."
The husband started glowing with happiness and
kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the
happiest man in the world."
But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel this
way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in
with us."
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Job of President outsourced to India- Terry Krause e-mail
Washington, DC -- June 28, 2009
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.
The
move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly
salary,
and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead
that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.
It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We
cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash
outlay," Reynolds noted. Mr. Obama was informed by email this morning of
his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai,
India will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr.
Singh
was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing
at
Niagara Falls, NY. Thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or
other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night.
"Working
nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call
center,"
stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be
President." A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may
not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should
not
be a problem as President Obama had never been familiar with the issues
either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to
respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he can address common concerns without having to understand the
underlying
issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson.
"President Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result
that
some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he
will not be
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed
limit.
Mr. Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of
Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming
job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Obama may have difficulties in
securing a
new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his
lifetime.
A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due to Obama's extensive
experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.
The
move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly
salary,
and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead
that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.
It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We
cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash
outlay," Reynolds noted. Mr. Obama was informed by email this morning of
his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai,
India will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr.
Singh
was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing
at
Niagara Falls, NY. Thus making him eligible for the position. He will
receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or
other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night.
"Working
nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call
center,"
stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be
President." A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may
not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should
not
be a problem as President Obama had never been familiar with the issues
either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to
respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he can address common concerns without having to understand the
underlying
issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson.
"President Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result
that
some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he
will not be
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed
limit.
Mr. Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of
Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming
job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Obama may have difficulties in
securing a
new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his
lifetime.
A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due to Obama's extensive
experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Thanks Nita- Lamoin would support your thinking
NO ONE
falls in love by choice,
it is by CHANCE.
No one
stays in love by chance,
it is by WORK.
And no one
falls out of love by chance,
it is by CHOICE
If you love this man
please forward to 10 people.
He did
something for you,
now do something for Him.
Spread his word,
and you'll be rewarded.
How?
Matthew 10:32...
'Whoever acknowledges Me before men,
I will acknowledge him
before My Father in heaven.
But whoever disowns Me before men,
I will disown him
before My Father in heaven.'
falls in love by choice,
it is by CHANCE.
No one
stays in love by chance,
it is by WORK.
And no one
falls out of love by chance,
it is by CHOICE
If you love this man
please forward to 10 people.
He did
something for you,
now do something for Him.
Spread his word,
and you'll be rewarded.
How?
Matthew 10:32...
'Whoever acknowledges Me before men,
I will acknowledge him
before My Father in heaven.
But whoever disowns Me before men,
I will disown him
before My Father in heaven.'
Thanks Doug!
Thanks Doug!
Many libs will be happy to see the older conservatives pass away. We yet have right to be confidant in our fighting people, but will our beople have that "abounding detetrmination". And, can we really say so help us God when we aren't allowed to include God in anything and the supposed free world leader says we are not a Christian nation.
I believe there are enough of us still living that it could be repeated today, but how much longer?
Sam
--- Original Message -----
From: Doug Brooke
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Sent: Saturday, July 25, 2009 4:26 PM
Subject: Roosevelt Announced Pearl Harbor Attack
> >
> >
> > SHALL WE HIRE A
> > MONUMENT ENGRAVER TO GO TOTHE WORLD WAR II MEMORIAL
> > AND ADD THE MISSING WORDS?
> >
> >
> >
> > A MESSAGE FROM AN APPALLED OBSERVER:
> >
> >
> >
> > Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial in
> > Washington , DC . I got an unexpected history lesson.
> > Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in
> > the crowd. Most were the age of my parents, Veterans of
> > 'The Greatest War,' with their families. It was a
> > beautiful day and people were smiling and happy to be
> > there.
> >
> >
> > Hundreds of us milled
> > around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of
> > Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there..
> >
> >
> >
> > On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered
> > to read
> > the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack
> > on Pearl Harbor:
> >
> >
> >
> > "Yesterday, December 7, 1941-- a date which will live
> > in infamy--the United States of America was suddenly and
> > deliberately attacked."
> >
> >
> >
> > One elderly woman read the words aloud:
> >
> >
> >
> > "With confidence in
> > our armed forces, with the abounding determination of our
> > people, we will gain the inevitable triumph."
> >
> >
> >
> > But as she read, she was suddenly turned angry. "Wait
> > a minute," she said, "they left out the end of the
> > quote. They left out the most important part. Roosevelt
> > ended the message with 'so help us
> > God.'"
> >
> >
> >
> > Her husband said, "You are probably right. We're
> > not supposed to say things like that now."
> >
> >
> >
> > "I know I'm right," she insisted.. "I
> > remember the speech.." The two looked dismayed, shook
> > their heads sadly and walked away.
> >
> >
> >
> > Listening to their
> > conversation, I thought to myself, 'Well, it has been
> > over 50 years. She's probably forgotten.'
> >
> >
> > But she had not forgotten. She was right.
> >
> >
> >
> > I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading
> > - "Flags of Our Fathers" by James Bradley .
> > It's all about the battle at Iwo Jima .
> >
> >
> >
> > I haven't gotten too
> > far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a
> > graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific.
> >
> >
> >
> > But right there it was on page 58. Roosevelt 's speech
> > to the nation ends in 'So help us God.'
> >
> >
> >
> > The people who edited
> > out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the
> > memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war! But
> > they couldn't fool the people who were there.
> >
> >
> >
> > Roosevelt's words
> > are engraved on their hearts.
> >
> >
> >
> > Now I ask: "WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE WORDS
> > OF HISTORY?????????"
> >
> >
> >
> > Send this around to your friend s. People need to know
> > before everyone forgets..
> >
> >
> >
> > People today are trying to change the history of America
> > by leaving God out of it but the truth is God has
> > been a part of this nation since the beginning! He
> > still wants to be and He always will be!!!
> >
> >
> >
> > Please pass this on and God Bless YOU!!!
Many libs will be happy to see the older conservatives pass away. We yet have right to be confidant in our fighting people, but will our beople have that "abounding detetrmination". And, can we really say so help us God when we aren't allowed to include God in anything and the supposed free world leader says we are not a Christian nation.
I believe there are enough of us still living that it could be repeated today, but how much longer?
Sam
--- Original Message -----
From: Doug Brooke
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Sent: Saturday, July 25, 2009 4:26 PM
Subject: Roosevelt Announced Pearl Harbor Attack
> >
> >
> > SHALL WE HIRE A
> > MONUMENT ENGRAVER TO GO TOTHE WORLD WAR II MEMORIAL
> > AND ADD THE MISSING WORDS?
> >
> >
> >
> > A MESSAGE FROM AN APPALLED OBSERVER:
> >
> >
> >
> > Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial in
> > Washington , DC . I got an unexpected history lesson.
> > Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in
> > the crowd. Most were the age of my parents, Veterans of
> > 'The Greatest War,' with their families. It was a
> > beautiful day and people were smiling and happy to be
> > there.
> >
> >
> > Hundreds of us milled
> > around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of
> > Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there..
> >
> >
> >
> > On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered
> > to read
> > the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack
> > on Pearl Harbor:
> >
> >
> >
> > "Yesterday, December 7, 1941-- a date which will live
> > in infamy--the United States of America was suddenly and
> > deliberately attacked."
> >
> >
> >
> > One elderly woman read the words aloud:
> >
> >
> >
> > "With confidence in
> > our armed forces, with the abounding determination of our
> > people, we will gain the inevitable triumph."
> >
> >
> >
> > But as she read, she was suddenly turned angry. "Wait
> > a minute," she said, "they left out the end of the
> > quote. They left out the most important part. Roosevelt
> > ended the message with 'so help us
> > God.'"
> >
> >
> >
> > Her husband said, "You are probably right. We're
> > not supposed to say things like that now."
> >
> >
> >
> > "I know I'm right," she insisted.. "I
> > remember the speech.." The two looked dismayed, shook
> > their heads sadly and walked away.
> >
> >
> >
> > Listening to their
> > conversation, I thought to myself, 'Well, it has been
> > over 50 years. She's probably forgotten.'
> >
> >
> > But she had not forgotten. She was right.
> >
> >
> >
> > I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading
> > - "Flags of Our Fathers" by James Bradley .
> > It's all about the battle at Iwo Jima .
> >
> >
> >
> > I haven't gotten too
> > far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a
> > graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific.
> >
> >
> >
> > But right there it was on page 58. Roosevelt 's speech
> > to the nation ends in 'So help us God.'
> >
> >
> >
> > The people who edited
> > out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the
> > memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war! But
> > they couldn't fool the people who were there.
> >
> >
> >
> > Roosevelt's words
> > are engraved on their hearts.
> >
> >
> >
> > Now I ask: "WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE WORDS
> > OF HISTORY?????????"
> >
> >
> >
> > Send this around to your friend s. People need to know
> > before everyone forgets..
> >
> >
> >
> > People today are trying to change the history of America
> > by leaving God out of it but the truth is God has
> > been a part of this nation since the beginning! He
> > still wants to be and He always will be!!!
> >
> >
> >
> > Please pass this on and God Bless YOU!!!
Thomas Jefferson- Ronnie Walters- Lifelong friend
Thanks Mr. walters, originally of Portsmouth OH, the Cultural Center of Our Universe:
It has been said the greatest volume of sheer brainpower in one place occurred when Jefferson dined alone ...
HOW DID JEFFERSON KNOW?
Especially read the last quote from 1802.
When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe,
we shall become as corrupt as Europe .
Thomas Jefferson
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those
who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson
It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes.
A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.
Thomas Jefferson
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the
government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
Thomas Jefferson
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.
Thomas Jefferson
No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
Thomas Jefferson
The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
Thomas Jefferson
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
Thomas Jefferson
To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:
'I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered..'
'If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.'
-Mark Twain
Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it - George Santayana
It has been said the greatest volume of sheer brainpower in one place occurred when Jefferson dined alone ...
HOW DID JEFFERSON KNOW?
Especially read the last quote from 1802.
When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe,
we shall become as corrupt as Europe .
Thomas Jefferson
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those
who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson
It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes.
A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.
Thomas Jefferson
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the
government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
Thomas Jefferson
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.
Thomas Jefferson
No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
Thomas Jefferson
The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
Thomas Jefferson
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
Thomas Jefferson
To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:
'I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered..'
'If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.'
-Mark Twain
Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it - George Santayana
Friday, July 24, 2009
e-mail Keith & Pat Booker FWD by: Jack Plymale
Subject: Remarks from CBS Sunday Morning
To:
Remarks from CBS Sunday Morning - Ben Stein
I Only hope we find GOD again before it is too late ! !
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
My confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against.. That's what they are, Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay..
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit.
If not, then just discard it... no one will know you did... But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 8.5.387 / Virus Database: 270.13.13/2237 - Release Date: 07/14/09 05:56:00
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Email correspondence to and from this address is subject to public records requests pursuant to the North Carolina Public Records Law, resulting in monitoring and potential disclosure of this message to third parties.
In compliance with federal law, Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools administers all education programs, employment activities and admissions without discrimination against any person on the basis of gender, race, color, religion, national origin, age or disability.
Jack P.
To:
Remarks from CBS Sunday Morning - Ben Stein
I Only hope we find GOD again before it is too late ! !
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
My confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against.. That's what they are, Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay..
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit.
If not, then just discard it... no one will know you did... But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps!
=
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dell Summer Savings: Cool Deals on Popular Laptops - Shop Now!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Insert movie times and more without leaving Hotmail®. See how.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Windows Live™ SkyDrive™: Get 25 GB of free online storage. Get it on your BlackBerry or iPhone. =
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 8.5.387 / Virus Database: 270.13.13/2237 - Release Date: 07/14/09 05:56:00
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Email correspondence to and from this address is subject to public records requests pursuant to the North Carolina Public Records Law, resulting in monitoring and potential disclosure of this message to third parties.
In compliance with federal law, Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools administers all education programs, employment activities and admissions without discrimination against any person on the basis of gender, race, color, religion, national origin, age or disability.
Jack P.
Mensa Invitational- Jackie Brown from Bill Meade
Subject: Mensa Invitational
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
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