Thanks Jo Ann Hensley!
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why, Why, Why
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
A FAVORITE........
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your
e-mail address in the first place?
~~~Now send this on to your friends and make them think and smile too!~~~
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Rules for clotheslines... Pat Richards Whitehead
Thanks Pat Whitehead! Rules for clotheslines
RULES FOR CLOTHESLINES: (if you don't know what clotheslines are, better skip this)
1. You had to wash the clothes line before hanging any clothes - walk the entire lengths of each line with a damp cloth around the lines.
2. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order, and always hang "whites" with "whites," and hang them first.
3. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders - always by the tail!. What would the neighbours think?
4.. Wash day on a Monday! . .. . Never hang clothes on the weekend, or Sunday, for Heaven's sake!
5. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could hide your "unmentionables" in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y'know!)
6. It didn't matter if it was sub zero weather ... clothes would "freeze-dry."
7. Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes! Pins left on the lines were "tacky!"
8. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.
9. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed.
10. IRONED?! Well, that's a whole other subject!
A POEM
A clothesline was a news forecast
To neighbours passing by,
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.
It also was a friendly link
For neighbours always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.
For then you'd see the "fancy sheets"
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the "company table cloths"
With intricate designs.
The line announced a baby's birth
From folks who lived inside -
As brand new infant clothes were hung,
So carefully with pride!
The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed,
You'd know how much they'd grown!
It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.
It also said, "Gone on vacation now"
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, "We're back!" when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare!
New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy and gray,
As neighbours carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way .. . .
But clotheslines now are of the past,
For dryers make work much less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess!
I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbours knew each other best
By what hung on the line.
RULES FOR CLOTHESLINES: (if you don't know what clotheslines are, better skip this)
1. You had to wash the clothes line before hanging any clothes - walk the entire lengths of each line with a damp cloth around the lines.
2. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order, and always hang "whites" with "whites," and hang them first.
3. You never hung a shirt by the shoulders - always by the tail!. What would the neighbours think?
4.. Wash day on a Monday! . .. . Never hang clothes on the weekend, or Sunday, for Heaven's sake!
5. Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could hide your "unmentionables" in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y'know!)
6. It didn't matter if it was sub zero weather ... clothes would "freeze-dry."
7. Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes! Pins left on the lines were "tacky!"
8. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.
9. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed.
10. IRONED?! Well, that's a whole other subject!
A POEM
A clothesline was a news forecast
To neighbours passing by,
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.
It also was a friendly link
For neighbours always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.
For then you'd see the "fancy sheets"
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the "company table cloths"
With intricate designs.
The line announced a baby's birth
From folks who lived inside -
As brand new infant clothes were hung,
So carefully with pride!
The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed,
You'd know how much they'd grown!
It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.
It also said, "Gone on vacation now"
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, "We're back!" when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare!
New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy and gray,
As neighbours carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way .. . .
But clotheslines now are of the past,
For dryers make work much less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess!
I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbours knew each other best
By what hung on the line.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
What if he had said... ?
What if he had said... ?
1. We will repeal the health care law and start over. Some very smart person will give a short view of the current bill.
2. Illegal immigration will be enforced as per Arizona and Missouri. Legal immigration may continue.
3. We will stop deficit spending.
4. Earmarks over the last two years will be studied and cut retroactively and drastically.
5. Tort reform will be passed hastily.
6. We will not cut military spending.
7. I am resigning immediately as I am not a natural born American citizen as required by our constitution. I want to avoid impeachment.
8. I am moving back to Kenya.
He is a wonderful speaker but, otherwise, a lying empty suit of clothes!
Tea Party members must keep after the things the American people want. o wants it believed that he is moving to the center after he did so much damage in his first two years as PUSA. UNBELIEVABLE!
1. We will repeal the health care law and start over. Some very smart person will give a short view of the current bill.
2. Illegal immigration will be enforced as per Arizona and Missouri. Legal immigration may continue.
3. We will stop deficit spending.
4. Earmarks over the last two years will be studied and cut retroactively and drastically.
5. Tort reform will be passed hastily.
6. We will not cut military spending.
7. I am resigning immediately as I am not a natural born American citizen as required by our constitution. I want to avoid impeachment.
8. I am moving back to Kenya.
He is a wonderful speaker but, otherwise, a lying empty suit of clothes!
Tea Party members must keep after the things the American people want. o wants it believed that he is moving to the center after he did so much damage in his first two years as PUSA. UNBELIEVABLE!
Tell your wife... FW from Sarah Rapp
Subject: Tell your wife
An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.
He replied, "Wife Name - Three Horse."
"That's an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?"
"It's an old Indian name. Means Nag, Nag, Nag."
An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.
He replied, "Wife Name - Three Horse."
"That's an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?"
"It's an old Indian name. Means Nag, Nag, Nag."
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Military quote- Thasnks Judi Cole!
Funny one!!
Military Quote Of The Day
"When I joined the military it was illegal to
be homosexual, then it became optional and now it's legal. I'm getting
the hell out before Obama makes it mandatory."
Military Quote Of The Day
"When I joined the military it was illegal to
be homosexual, then it became optional and now it's legal. I'm getting
the hell out before Obama makes it mandatory."
Dawood Kahn's blog... Illegal Immigration
Khan's BlogSilk Roads and Siamese Smiles The Journey so far…ArchivesRSS Feed
Big Business, Illegal Immigrant, Illegal Immigration, Illiegal Alien, Immigration, Mexicans, Refugees, Small Business, South Americans, Taxation, Welfare
ROOT CAUSES: Illegal Immigration
In Commerce, culture, Immigration, Politics, Stupidity, thinking out loud, Useful Information on January 26, 2011 at 12:01 am
Illegal immigrants are everywhere these days. Kentucky, New Jersey, Maine, Michigan, Idaho, North Dakota. Americans are fed up. They ask why they must pay the tax bill for illegal immigrant welfare.
It’s the cost of cheap labor. If Americans are going to allow South and Central Americans and Mexicans to migrate North so that American Business can get labor so cheap that China looks magnanimous by comparison, then this is the price America must pay.
It’s the same as it ever was. Business passing off expenses to the consumer.
Big (and small) Business gets CHEAP LABOR. The government takes up the slack. The tax payer pays for the Federal Government to take up that slack.
What’s new about this?
America did it with the Japanese, Chinese, Irish, Germans, Italians and others. Now America is doing it with Mexicans and the other Southern fellows. I didn’t mention the Africans because that was different. Slavery was not written off and passed to the customer. There is no comparison between what happened to the Slaves and what occurred with other immigrant groups or the current batch. Slavery was simply evil incarnate. Romans treated their slaves better than the American Southern Gentleman treated his.
Cheap labor. It’s wonderful. You want inexpensive products. Well, this is how you get it in America. Illegal Immigration. The only reason that Americans are complaining about illegal immigration is because it’s in their faces. DAILY! If it weren’t such an obvious phenomenon, the issue would not hold the collectively and infamously short attention span of the American political consciousness.
Cheap labor makes products that come from all over the world. China, Cambodia, Burma, etc,. Not too many Americans give this a second thought as they purchase their Under Armour Shoes and Shirts. Not many Americans spare a thought about these places because they aren’t walking by American front porches or soaking up American tax dollars.
This is the cost of Capitalism and Low Prices. Starvation wages, sweat houses, people living in squalor. All so Americans can buy cheaper iPods, Oranges, Bananas and Nikes. In the end, the devil takes his due.
GO CAPITALISM!
I’m all for it.
The last pic begs the question. Why do people have children when they know that they can’t take care of them?
LikeBe the first to like this post.▶ One Response
The legal aliens assimilated, Dave, but the illegals want US to assimilate to their ways. All on the backis of the American taxpayers as you say, my friend.
Go Cats!
Go Americans! Go Tea Party!
Reply
SamKat
26 January 2011 at 12am Leave a Reply
Big Business, Illegal Immigrant, Illegal Immigration, Illiegal Alien, Immigration, Mexicans, Refugees, Small Business, South Americans, Taxation, Welfare
ROOT CAUSES: Illegal Immigration
In Commerce, culture, Immigration, Politics, Stupidity, thinking out loud, Useful Information on January 26, 2011 at 12:01 am
Illegal immigrants are everywhere these days. Kentucky, New Jersey, Maine, Michigan, Idaho, North Dakota. Americans are fed up. They ask why they must pay the tax bill for illegal immigrant welfare.
It’s the cost of cheap labor. If Americans are going to allow South and Central Americans and Mexicans to migrate North so that American Business can get labor so cheap that China looks magnanimous by comparison, then this is the price America must pay.
It’s the same as it ever was. Business passing off expenses to the consumer.
Big (and small) Business gets CHEAP LABOR. The government takes up the slack. The tax payer pays for the Federal Government to take up that slack.
What’s new about this?
America did it with the Japanese, Chinese, Irish, Germans, Italians and others. Now America is doing it with Mexicans and the other Southern fellows. I didn’t mention the Africans because that was different. Slavery was not written off and passed to the customer. There is no comparison between what happened to the Slaves and what occurred with other immigrant groups or the current batch. Slavery was simply evil incarnate. Romans treated their slaves better than the American Southern Gentleman treated his.
Cheap labor. It’s wonderful. You want inexpensive products. Well, this is how you get it in America. Illegal Immigration. The only reason that Americans are complaining about illegal immigration is because it’s in their faces. DAILY! If it weren’t such an obvious phenomenon, the issue would not hold the collectively and infamously short attention span of the American political consciousness.
Cheap labor makes products that come from all over the world. China, Cambodia, Burma, etc,. Not too many Americans give this a second thought as they purchase their Under Armour Shoes and Shirts. Not many Americans spare a thought about these places because they aren’t walking by American front porches or soaking up American tax dollars.
This is the cost of Capitalism and Low Prices. Starvation wages, sweat houses, people living in squalor. All so Americans can buy cheaper iPods, Oranges, Bananas and Nikes. In the end, the devil takes his due.
GO CAPITALISM!
I’m all for it.
The last pic begs the question. Why do people have children when they know that they can’t take care of them?
LikeBe the first to like this post.▶ One Response
The legal aliens assimilated, Dave, but the illegals want US to assimilate to their ways. All on the backis of the American taxpayers as you say, my friend.
Go Cats!
Go Americans! Go Tea Party!
Reply
SamKat
26 January 2011 at 12am Leave a Reply
Wisdom and exercise from an OLD friend... Thanks Patricia!
Thanks Pat Richards Whitehead! She's darn near my age.
: Excercise for people 50 and over
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at
each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your
sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute,
and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for
just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato
bags and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in
each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute (I'm at
this level.).
Then, after you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.
: Excercise for people 50 and over
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at
each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your
sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute,
and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for
just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato
bags and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in
each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute (I'm at
this level.).
Then, after you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.
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