Subject: Fw: RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more............
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..
3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it........these were the good old days
when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless."
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The garage door and the "birdies"... Thanks Mr. Looney!
Subject: Fwd: A Dads Story
Subject: A Dads Story
This gives a whole new perspective on what life is all about
Such a beautiful story. I have read it before, but thought it was worth sharing again.
On July 22nd I was in route to Washington , DC for a business trip. It was all so very ordinary, until we landed in Denver for a plane change.
As I collected my belongings from the overhead bin, an announcement was made for Mr.. Lloyd Glenn to see
the United Customer Service Representative immediately.
I thought nothing of it until I reached the door to leave the plane and I heard a gentleman asking every male if he were Mr. Glenn. At this point I knew something was wrong and my heart sunk.
When I got off the plane a solemn-faced young man came toward me and said, 'Mr.Glenn, there is an emergency at your home. I do not know what the emergency is, or who is involved, but I will take you to the phone so you can call the hospital.' My heart was now pounding, but the will to be calm took over. Woodenly, I followed this stranger to the distant telephone where I called the number he gave me for the Mission Hospital My call was put through to the trauma center where I learned that my three-year-old son had been trapped underneath the automatic garage door for several minutes, and that when my wife had found him he was dead. CPR had been performed by a neighbor, who is
a doctor, and the paramedics had continued the treatment as Brian was
transported to the hospital.
By the time of my call, Brian was revived
and they believed he would live, but they did not know how much damage had been done to his brain, nor to his heart. They explained that the door had completely closed on his little sternum right over his heart. He had been severely crushed. After speaking with the medical staff, my wife sounded worried but not
hysterical, and I took comfort in her calmness.
The return flight seemed to last forever, but finally I arrived at the hospital six hours after the garage door had come down. When I walked into the intensive care unit, nothing could have prepared me to see my little son laying so still on a great big bed with tubes and monitors everywhere. He was on a respirator. I glanced at my wife who stood and tried to give me a reassuring smile. It all seemed like a terrible dream. I was filled-in with the details and given a guarded prognosis. Brian was going to live, and the preliminary tests indicated that his heart was OK, two miracles in and of themselves. But only time would tell if his brain received any damage.
Throughout the seemingly endless hours, my wife was calm. She felt that Brian would eventually be all right. I hung on to her words and faith like a lifeline. All that night and the next day Brian remained
unconscious. It seemed like forever since I had left for my business trip the
day before.
Finally at two o'clock that afternoon, our son regained consciousness and sat up uttering the most beautiful words I have ever heard spoken. He said, 'Daddy hold me' and he reached for me with his little arms.
[TEAR BREAK...smile]
By the next day he was pronounced as
having no neurological or physical deficits, and the story of his miraculous
survival spread throughout the hospital. You cannot imagine, we took Brian home, we felt a unique reverence for the life and love of our Heavenly Father that comes to those who brush death so closely.
In the days that followed there was a special spirit about our home. Our two older children were much closer to their little brother. My wife and I were much closer to each other, and all of us were very close as a whole family Life took on a less stressful pace. Perspective seemed to be more focused, and balance much easier to gain and maintain. We felt deeply blessed. Our gratitude was truly profound.
The story is not over (smile)!
Almost a month later to the day of the
accident, Brian awoke from his afternoon nap and said, 'Sit down Mommy.... I
have something to tell you.' At this time in his life, Brian usually spoke in small phrases, so to say a large sentence surprised my wife. She sat down with
him on his bed, and he began his sacred and remarkable story.
'Do you remember when I got stuck under the garage door? Well, it was so heavy and it hurt really bad. I called to you, but you couldn't hear me.. I started to cry, but then it hurt too bad. And then the 'birdies' came.'
'The birdies?' my wife asked puzzled.
'Yes,' he replied. 'The birdies made a whoo shing sound and flew into the garage. They took care of me.'
'They did?'
'Yes,' he said. 'One of the birdies came and got you. She came to tell you 'I got stuck under the door.' A sweet reverent feeling filled the room. The spirit was so strong and yet lighter than air. My wife realized that a three-year-old had no concept of death and spirits, so he was referring to the beings who came to him from beyond as 'birdies' because they were up in the air like birds that fly.. 'What did the birdies look like?' she asked.
Brian answered, 'They were so beautiful. They were dressed in white, all white. Some of them had green and white. But some of them had on just white.'
'Did they say anything?'
'Yes,' he answered. 'They told me the baby would be all right.'
'The baby?' my wife asked confused.
Brian answered. 'The baby laying on the garage floor.' He went on, 'You came out and opened the garage door and ran to the baby. You told the baby to stay and not leave.'
My wife nearly collapsed upon hearing this, for she had indeed gone and knelt beside Brian's body and seeing his crushed chest whispered, 'Don't leave
us Brian, please stay if you can.' As she listened to Brian telling her the words she had spoken, she realized that the spirit had left His body and was looking down from above on this little lifeless form.. 'Then what happened?' she asked.
'We went on a trip,' he said, 'far, far away.' He grew agitated trying to say the things he didn't seem to have the words for. My wife tried to calm and comfort him, and let him know it would be okay. He struggled with wanting to tell something that obviously was very important to him, but finding the words was difficult.
'We flew so fast up in the air. They're so
pretty Mommy,' he added.
'And there are lots and lots of birdies.' My wife was stunned. Into her mind the
sweet comforting spirit enveloped her more soundly, but with an urgency she had never before known. Brian went on to tell her that the 'birdies' had told him
that he had to come back and tell everyone about the 'birdies.' He said they brought him back to the house and that a big fire truck, and an ambulance were there. A man was bringing the baby out on a white bed and he tried to tell the man that the baby would be okay. The story went on for an hour.
He taught us that 'birdies' were always with us, but we don't see them because we look with our eyes and we don't hear them because we listen with our ears. But they are always there, you can only see them in here (he put his hand over his
heart). They whisper the things to help us to do what is right because they love
us so much. Brian continued, stating, 'I have a plan, Mommy. You have a plan..
Daddy has a plan. Everyone has a plan. We must all live our plan and keep our
promises. The birdies help us to do that cause they love us so much.'
In the weeks that followed, he often came to us and told all, or part of it, again
and again. Always the story remained the same. The details were never changed or
out of order A few times he added further bits of information and clarified the
message he had already delivered. It never ceased to amaze us how he could tell such detail and speak beyond his ability when he talked about his birdies.
Everywhere he went, he told strangers about the 'birdies.' Surprisingly, no one ever looked at him strangely when he did this. Rather, they always got a softened look on their face and smiled. Needless to say, we have not been the same ever since that day, and I pray we never will be.
You have just been sent an Angel to watch over you. Some people come into our lives and quickly go...Some people become friends and stay a while...leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts ..... and we are never quite the same be cause we have made a good friend!!
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present! Live and savor every moment...this is not a dress rehearsal! THIS IS A SPECIAL GUARDIAN ANGEL...
YOU MUST PASS THIS ON TO 5 PEOPLE WITHIN THE HOUR OF RECEIVING HER...IF YOU HAVE PASSED HER ON, SHE'LL WATCH OVER YOU FOREVER...IF NOT, HER TEARS WILL FLOW...
Now don't delete this message, because it comes from a very special Angel.
I passed this on, not because it says to, but because I hope everyone I send it to, will be as blessed by reading it, as I was. I believe God sends angels to
watch over all of His children.
Subject: A Dads Story
This gives a whole new perspective on what life is all about
Such a beautiful story. I have read it before, but thought it was worth sharing again.
On July 22nd I was in route to Washington , DC for a business trip. It was all so very ordinary, until we landed in Denver for a plane change.
As I collected my belongings from the overhead bin, an announcement was made for Mr.. Lloyd Glenn to see
the United Customer Service Representative immediately.
I thought nothing of it until I reached the door to leave the plane and I heard a gentleman asking every male if he were Mr. Glenn. At this point I knew something was wrong and my heart sunk.
When I got off the plane a solemn-faced young man came toward me and said, 'Mr.Glenn, there is an emergency at your home. I do not know what the emergency is, or who is involved, but I will take you to the phone so you can call the hospital.' My heart was now pounding, but the will to be calm took over. Woodenly, I followed this stranger to the distant telephone where I called the number he gave me for the Mission Hospital My call was put through to the trauma center where I learned that my three-year-old son had been trapped underneath the automatic garage door for several minutes, and that when my wife had found him he was dead. CPR had been performed by a neighbor, who is
a doctor, and the paramedics had continued the treatment as Brian was
transported to the hospital.
By the time of my call, Brian was revived
and they believed he would live, but they did not know how much damage had been done to his brain, nor to his heart. They explained that the door had completely closed on his little sternum right over his heart. He had been severely crushed. After speaking with the medical staff, my wife sounded worried but not
hysterical, and I took comfort in her calmness.
The return flight seemed to last forever, but finally I arrived at the hospital six hours after the garage door had come down. When I walked into the intensive care unit, nothing could have prepared me to see my little son laying so still on a great big bed with tubes and monitors everywhere. He was on a respirator. I glanced at my wife who stood and tried to give me a reassuring smile. It all seemed like a terrible dream. I was filled-in with the details and given a guarded prognosis. Brian was going to live, and the preliminary tests indicated that his heart was OK, two miracles in and of themselves. But only time would tell if his brain received any damage.
Throughout the seemingly endless hours, my wife was calm. She felt that Brian would eventually be all right. I hung on to her words and faith like a lifeline. All that night and the next day Brian remained
unconscious. It seemed like forever since I had left for my business trip the
day before.
Finally at two o'clock that afternoon, our son regained consciousness and sat up uttering the most beautiful words I have ever heard spoken. He said, 'Daddy hold me' and he reached for me with his little arms.
[TEAR BREAK...smile]
By the next day he was pronounced as
having no neurological or physical deficits, and the story of his miraculous
survival spread throughout the hospital. You cannot imagine, we took Brian home, we felt a unique reverence for the life and love of our Heavenly Father that comes to those who brush death so closely.
In the days that followed there was a special spirit about our home. Our two older children were much closer to their little brother. My wife and I were much closer to each other, and all of us were very close as a whole family Life took on a less stressful pace. Perspective seemed to be more focused, and balance much easier to gain and maintain. We felt deeply blessed. Our gratitude was truly profound.
The story is not over (smile)!
Almost a month later to the day of the
accident, Brian awoke from his afternoon nap and said, 'Sit down Mommy.... I
have something to tell you.' At this time in his life, Brian usually spoke in small phrases, so to say a large sentence surprised my wife. She sat down with
him on his bed, and he began his sacred and remarkable story.
'Do you remember when I got stuck under the garage door? Well, it was so heavy and it hurt really bad. I called to you, but you couldn't hear me.. I started to cry, but then it hurt too bad. And then the 'birdies' came.'
'The birdies?' my wife asked puzzled.
'Yes,' he replied. 'The birdies made a whoo shing sound and flew into the garage. They took care of me.'
'They did?'
'Yes,' he said. 'One of the birdies came and got you. She came to tell you 'I got stuck under the door.' A sweet reverent feeling filled the room. The spirit was so strong and yet lighter than air. My wife realized that a three-year-old had no concept of death and spirits, so he was referring to the beings who came to him from beyond as 'birdies' because they were up in the air like birds that fly.. 'What did the birdies look like?' she asked.
Brian answered, 'They were so beautiful. They were dressed in white, all white. Some of them had green and white. But some of them had on just white.'
'Did they say anything?'
'Yes,' he answered. 'They told me the baby would be all right.'
'The baby?' my wife asked confused.
Brian answered. 'The baby laying on the garage floor.' He went on, 'You came out and opened the garage door and ran to the baby. You told the baby to stay and not leave.'
My wife nearly collapsed upon hearing this, for she had indeed gone and knelt beside Brian's body and seeing his crushed chest whispered, 'Don't leave
us Brian, please stay if you can.' As she listened to Brian telling her the words she had spoken, she realized that the spirit had left His body and was looking down from above on this little lifeless form.. 'Then what happened?' she asked.
'We went on a trip,' he said, 'far, far away.' He grew agitated trying to say the things he didn't seem to have the words for. My wife tried to calm and comfort him, and let him know it would be okay. He struggled with wanting to tell something that obviously was very important to him, but finding the words was difficult.
'We flew so fast up in the air. They're so
pretty Mommy,' he added.
'And there are lots and lots of birdies.' My wife was stunned. Into her mind the
sweet comforting spirit enveloped her more soundly, but with an urgency she had never before known. Brian went on to tell her that the 'birdies' had told him
that he had to come back and tell everyone about the 'birdies.' He said they brought him back to the house and that a big fire truck, and an ambulance were there. A man was bringing the baby out on a white bed and he tried to tell the man that the baby would be okay. The story went on for an hour.
He taught us that 'birdies' were always with us, but we don't see them because we look with our eyes and we don't hear them because we listen with our ears. But they are always there, you can only see them in here (he put his hand over his
heart). They whisper the things to help us to do what is right because they love
us so much. Brian continued, stating, 'I have a plan, Mommy. You have a plan..
Daddy has a plan. Everyone has a plan. We must all live our plan and keep our
promises. The birdies help us to do that cause they love us so much.'
In the weeks that followed, he often came to us and told all, or part of it, again
and again. Always the story remained the same. The details were never changed or
out of order A few times he added further bits of information and clarified the
message he had already delivered. It never ceased to amaze us how he could tell such detail and speak beyond his ability when he talked about his birdies.
Everywhere he went, he told strangers about the 'birdies.' Surprisingly, no one ever looked at him strangely when he did this. Rather, they always got a softened look on their face and smiled. Needless to say, we have not been the same ever since that day, and I pray we never will be.
You have just been sent an Angel to watch over you. Some people come into our lives and quickly go...Some people become friends and stay a while...leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts ..... and we are never quite the same be cause we have made a good friend!!
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present! Live and savor every moment...this is not a dress rehearsal! THIS IS A SPECIAL GUARDIAN ANGEL...
YOU MUST PASS THIS ON TO 5 PEOPLE WITHIN THE HOUR OF RECEIVING HER...IF YOU HAVE PASSED HER ON, SHE'LL WATCH OVER YOU FOREVER...IF NOT, HER TEARS WILL FLOW...
Now don't delete this message, because it comes from a very special Angel.
I passed this on, not because it says to, but because I hope everyone I send it to, will be as blessed by reading it, as I was. I believe God sends angels to
watch over all of His children.
Memorial Day... Thanks Judi Cole!
A soon to be forgotten holiday, let us do something about it.
MEMORIAL DAY
Keep it moving, please, even if you've seen it before.
It is the VETERAN,
not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.
It is the VETERAN,
not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the VETERAN,
not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the VETERAN,
not the community organizer,
who has given us freedom to assemble.
It is the VETERAN,
not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the VETERAN,
not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.
It is the VETERAN
who salutes the Flag,
It is the VETERAN
who serves under the Flag,
ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.
I'd be EXTREMELY proud if this email reached as many as possible. We can be very
proud of our young men and women in the service no matter where they serve.
God Bless them all!!!
Makes you proud to be an AMERICAN!!!!!
It's the life in your years, not the years in your life.
MEMORIAL DAY
Keep it moving, please, even if you've seen it before.
It is the VETERAN,
not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.
It is the VETERAN,
not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the VETERAN,
not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the VETERAN,
not the community organizer,
who has given us freedom to assemble.
It is the VETERAN,
not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the VETERAN,
not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.
It is the VETERAN
who salutes the Flag,
It is the VETERAN
who serves under the Flag,
ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.
I'd be EXTREMELY proud if this email reached as many as possible. We can be very
proud of our young men and women in the service no matter where they serve.
God Bless them all!!!
Makes you proud to be an AMERICAN!!!!!
It's the life in your years, not the years in your life.
Warning Car thieving scam... Thanks T & C!
I don't know how true this is, but it sure makes sense that it could be done, and easy to fool people!. see below.
Subject: Warning from Police--not a joke
THIS PERTAINS TO EVERYONE--MEN INCLUDED.
Warning..!!!! Warning....!!!!
Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public
parking area. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the
rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home,
it was a receipt for gas. Luckily my friend told me not to
stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the
car . Then we received this email yesterday:
------------------------------------------------------------
'WARNING FROM POLICE
THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE--
NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)
Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating.. . You walk
across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You
start the engine and shift into Reverse..
When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your
parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle
of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your
doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or
whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach
the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out
of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically
mow you down as they speed off in your car.
And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car.
So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your
money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are
now compromised!
BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.
If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just
drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you
read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and
family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of
personal information and identification documents, and you
certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.
Please keep this going
and tell all your friends
Subject: Warning from Police--not a joke
THIS PERTAINS TO EVERYONE--MEN INCLUDED.
Warning..!!!! Warning....!!!!
Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public
parking area. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the
rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home,
it was a receipt for gas. Luckily my friend told me not to
stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the
car . Then we received this email yesterday:
------------------------------------------------------------
'WARNING FROM POLICE
THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE--
NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)
Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating.. . You walk
across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You
start the engine and shift into Reverse..
When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your
parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle
of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your
doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or
whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach
the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out
of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically
mow you down as they speed off in your car.
And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car.
So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your
money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are
now compromised!
BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.
If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just
drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you
read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and
family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of
personal information and identification documents, and you
certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.
Please keep this going
and tell all your friends
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Senior Social- Reunion at hospital with neice Roseanne
My half-btother, Ted Dunham, and his wife Helen (Keyser) Dunham had daughters, Roseanne and Robin in Portsmouth, Ohio.
It has been many years since Jeanie and I saw Roseanne (Dunham) Evans. Sadly, Rich Evans, also of Portsmouth Ohio originally, is in OSU University Hospital and Rose is spending time there, attending as best she can to her very sick, heavily sedated, and lightly respirated husband.
My sister, Sharon, has kept in closest touch with Rose and mostly through the internet.
My youngest sister, Sandy, visited Rose Thursday and returned with Jeanie (Jeanette) and me yesterday. Sharon was there with her Wednesday.
Ah, the happy times of youth in our Kegley-Dunham family. Conversation with Roseanne brought so much back about our wonderful Thanksgiving dinners with Dad and Mom and all of the many family members who have passed on.
We hope that the visit was as good for Roseanne as it was for each of us.
And I pray that God's miraculous presence will be with Richard Evans in his illness.
Sam
It has been many years since Jeanie and I saw Roseanne (Dunham) Evans. Sadly, Rich Evans, also of Portsmouth Ohio originally, is in OSU University Hospital and Rose is spending time there, attending as best she can to her very sick, heavily sedated, and lightly respirated husband.
My sister, Sharon, has kept in closest touch with Rose and mostly through the internet.
My youngest sister, Sandy, visited Rose Thursday and returned with Jeanie (Jeanette) and me yesterday. Sharon was there with her Wednesday.
Ah, the happy times of youth in our Kegley-Dunham family. Conversation with Roseanne brought so much back about our wonderful Thanksgiving dinners with Dad and Mom and all of the many family members who have passed on.
We hope that the visit was as good for Roseanne as it was for each of us.
And I pray that God's miraculous presence will be with Richard Evans in his illness.
Sam
Actual Craig's List ad Thanks Ramey Sonny Hoskins!
True?? I hope so...
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason..my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?! I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]. After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day! Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
I probably don't have to ask you to forward this one.
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason..my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?! I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]. After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day! Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex
I probably don't have to ask you to forward this one.
The secret... Thanks Pat Richards (PHS 50) Whitehead!
The Secret
One day, one friend asked another,
' How is it that you are always so happy?
You have so much energy,
And you never seem to get down.. '
With her eyes smiling, she said,
' I know the Secret! '
' What secret is that? '
To which she replied,
I'll tell you all about it,
But you have to promise to
Share the Secret with others. '
' The Secret is this:
I have learned there is little I can do
In my life that will make me truly happy
I must depend on God to make
Me happy and to meet my needs.
When a need arises in my life,
I have to trust God to supply
According to HIS riches.
I have learned most of the time
I don ' t need half of what I think I do.
He has never let me down.
Since I learned that ' Secret ' , I am happy. '
The questioner's first thought was,
' That ' s too simple! '
But upon reflecting over her own life
She recalled how she thought a bigger house
Would make her happy, but it didn't!
She thought a better paying job
Would make her happy, but it hadn't.
When did she realize her greatest happiness?
Sitting on the floor with her grandchildren,
Playing games, eating pizza or reading a story,
A simple gift from God.
Now you know it too!
We can't depend on people to make us happy.
Only GOD in His infinite wisdom can do that.
Trust HIM!
And now I pass the Secret on to you!
So once you get it, what will you do?
YOU have to tell someone the Secret, too!
That GOD in His wisdom will take care of YOU!
But it ' s not really a secret...
We just have to believe it and do it..
Really trust God!
I just did and hope you will too.
God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close. Even if you do not need God to open some doors for you, pass it on anyway.
"To have God on our side doesn't mean sailing on a boat with no storms, it means having a boat that no storm can sink!"
One day, one friend asked another,
' How is it that you are always so happy?
You have so much energy,
And you never seem to get down.. '
With her eyes smiling, she said,
' I know the Secret! '
' What secret is that? '
To which she replied,
I'll tell you all about it,
But you have to promise to
Share the Secret with others. '
' The Secret is this:
I have learned there is little I can do
In my life that will make me truly happy
I must depend on God to make
Me happy and to meet my needs.
When a need arises in my life,
I have to trust God to supply
According to HIS riches.
I have learned most of the time
I don ' t need half of what I think I do.
He has never let me down.
Since I learned that ' Secret ' , I am happy. '
The questioner's first thought was,
' That ' s too simple! '
But upon reflecting over her own life
She recalled how she thought a bigger house
Would make her happy, but it didn't!
She thought a better paying job
Would make her happy, but it hadn't.
When did she realize her greatest happiness?
Sitting on the floor with her grandchildren,
Playing games, eating pizza or reading a story,
A simple gift from God.
Now you know it too!
We can't depend on people to make us happy.
Only GOD in His infinite wisdom can do that.
Trust HIM!
And now I pass the Secret on to you!
So once you get it, what will you do?
YOU have to tell someone the Secret, too!
That GOD in His wisdom will take care of YOU!
But it ' s not really a secret...
We just have to believe it and do it..
Really trust God!
I just did and hope you will too.
God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close. Even if you do not need God to open some doors for you, pass it on anyway.
"To have God on our side doesn't mean sailing on a boat with no storms, it means having a boat that no storm can sink!"
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