Italian Mother
Rocco excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in
love and that he is going to get married.
He says, 'Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring
over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women
into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a
while.
He then says, 'Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm
going to marry?'.
She immediately replies, 'The one on the right.'
That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you
know????'
The Italian mother replied: 'I don't like her.'
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
FW- Holy Humor... Thanks Carol & clay!
These are really cute.
--HOLY HUMOUR
**A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my favorite)
=======
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
========
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
========
When you carry the Bible, Satan gets a headache ... When you open it, he collapses ... When he sees you reading it, he faints ... When he sees that you are living what you read, he flees ... And when you are about to forward this message ... He will try and discourage you. I just defeated him!!! Any other takers?
--HOLY HUMOUR
**A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my favorite)
=======
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
========
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
========
When you carry the Bible, Satan gets a headache ... When you open it, he collapses ... When he sees you reading it, he faints ... When he sees that you are living what you read, he flees ... And when you are about to forward this message ... He will try and discourage you. I just defeated him!!! Any other takers?
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
MY DAUGHTER, Lisa... Bob Looney
My single parent friend, Bob Looney, is a true American hero to me. The ex-Marine from Korean War days and retired postmaster of Portsmouth's Sciotoville, east of P'Town, withstood divorce to be the parental presence in his kid's lives as they matured. You can sense a lot of maturity in 12 year old Lisa's appreciation of her dad.
FW- Senior Texting Codes- Thanks Clay Vice!
Subject: Senior Texting Codes-
I needed texting shortcuts and thought you might too. Kids have
little codes like BFF, OMG, so why can't we?
Here are codes for seniors:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
LWO - Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFL...CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
WTP - Where's the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in
I needed texting shortcuts and thought you might too. Kids have
little codes like BFF, OMG, so why can't we?
Here are codes for seniors:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
LWO - Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFL...CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
WTP - Where's the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in
More Roy and Dale from Marge Rusnak!
Roy Rogers was raised in Scioto County (Portsmouth, Ohio) after his birth on a houseboat in Cincinnati, Ohio.. I have a copy of "Happy Trails"- Our Life Story. The couple did so much good in this world! God blesses the work of tremendous people as He graces them with salvation.
The following is from my friend, Marge Rusnak, in Washington, D.C. There- We almost forgot anything good could emanate from D.C. Thank you Marge!
Sam
Just a few interesting facts about Dale & Roy......
She was born in Uvalde TX.
They were married in Davis OK on New Year's Eve in 1947.
Her 4th marriage, his 3rd.
I have a copy of her 1st book ANGEL UNAWARE.....about their downs syndrome daughter.
I believe they adopted 2 children from Hope Cottage in Dallas.
HAPPY TRAILS!
GOD BLESS AMERICA
Begin forwarded message:
The following is from my friend, Marge Rusnak, in Washington, D.C. There- We almost forgot anything good could emanate from D.C. Thank you Marge!
Sam
Just a few interesting facts about Dale & Roy......
She was born in Uvalde TX.
They were married in Davis OK on New Year's Eve in 1947.
Her 4th marriage, his 3rd.
I have a copy of her 1st book ANGEL UNAWARE.....about their downs syndrome daughter.
I believe they adopted 2 children from Hope Cottage in Dallas.
HAPPY TRAILS!
GOD BLESS AMERICA
Begin forwarded message:
Monday, May 23, 2011
"So help us God"... Thanks Tom & Carolyn!
SHALL WE HIRE A MONUMENT ENGRAVER TO GO TO ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY AND ADD THE MISSING WORDS?
THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM AN APPALLED OBSERVER:
Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial in Washington, DC. I got an unexpected history lesson. Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in the crowd. Most were the age of my parents, Veterans of 'the greatest war, with their families. It was a beautiful day, and people were smiling and happy to be there. Hundreds of us milled around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there.
On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered to read the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack on Pearl Harbor:
'Yesterday, December 7, 1941--a date which will live in infamy--the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked.’
One elderly woman read the words aloud:
'With confidence in our armed forces, with the abounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph.'
But as she read, she was suddenly turned angry. 'Wait a minute,' she said, 'they left out the end of the quote. They left out the most important part. Roosevelt ended the message with 'so help us God.'
Her husband said, 'You are probably right. We're not supposed to say things like that now.'
'I know I'm right,' she insisted. 'I remember the speech.' The two looked dismayed, shook their heads sadly and walked away.
Listening to their conversation, I thought to myself, 'Well, it has been over 50 years; she's probably forgotten.'
But she had not forgotten. She was right..
I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading --- 'Flags of Our Fathers' by James Bradley. It's all about the battle at Iwo Jima.
I haven't gotten too far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific.
But right there it was on page 58. Roosevelt 's speech to the nation ends in 'so help us God.'
The people who edited out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war! But they couldn't fool the people who were there. Roosevelt 's words are engraved on their hearts.
Now I ask: 'WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE WORDS OF HISTORY?????????'
Send this around to your friends. People need to know before everyone forgets.
People today are trying to change the history of America by leaving God out of it, but the truth is, God has been a part of this nation, since the beginning. He still wants to be...and He always will be!
If you agree, pass this on and God Bless YOU! And Maybe our congressmen will get it rightly done!
If not, May God Forgive You!
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM AN APPALLED OBSERVER:
Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial in Washington, DC. I got an unexpected history lesson. Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in the crowd. Most were the age of my parents, Veterans of 'the greatest war, with their families. It was a beautiful day, and people were smiling and happy to be there. Hundreds of us milled around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there.
On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered to read the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack on Pearl Harbor:
'Yesterday, December 7, 1941--a date which will live in infamy--the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked.’
One elderly woman read the words aloud:
'With confidence in our armed forces, with the abounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph.'
But as she read, she was suddenly turned angry. 'Wait a minute,' she said, 'they left out the end of the quote. They left out the most important part. Roosevelt ended the message with 'so help us God.'
Her husband said, 'You are probably right. We're not supposed to say things like that now.'
'I know I'm right,' she insisted. 'I remember the speech.' The two looked dismayed, shook their heads sadly and walked away.
Listening to their conversation, I thought to myself, 'Well, it has been over 50 years; she's probably forgotten.'
But she had not forgotten. She was right..
I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading --- 'Flags of Our Fathers' by James Bradley. It's all about the battle at Iwo Jima.
I haven't gotten too far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific.
But right there it was on page 58. Roosevelt 's speech to the nation ends in 'so help us God.'
The people who edited out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war! But they couldn't fool the people who were there. Roosevelt 's words are engraved on their hearts.
Now I ask: 'WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE WORDS OF HISTORY?????????'
Send this around to your friends. People need to know before everyone forgets.
People today are trying to change the history of America by leaving God out of it, but the truth is, God has been a part of this nation, since the beginning. He still wants to be...and He always will be!
If you agree, pass this on and God Bless YOU! And Maybe our congressmen will get it rightly done!
If not, May God Forgive You!
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
Promises to keep... Thanks Luis Flores!
A Great Quote.
“The fact that we are here today to debate raisingAmerica’s debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the US Government can not pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government’s reckless fiscal policies.
…Increasing America’s debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that ‘the buck stops here'. Instead,Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and Grandchildren.America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better.”
SENATOR BARACK H. OBAMA, MARCH 2006
“The fact that we are here today to debate raisingAmerica’s debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the US Government can not pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government’s reckless fiscal policies.
…Increasing America’s debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that ‘the buck stops here'. Instead,Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and Grandchildren.America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better.”
SENATOR BARACK H. OBAMA, MARCH 2006
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