The Scrap Yard... Thanks Dr. Hovermale!

The Scrap Yard



Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard of old airplanes in the middle of a desert.
Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."




So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.



Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.



Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.



Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"So They created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer, then hired two people.



Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.



Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one Year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cutback."

So they laid off the night watchman.

NOW slowly, let it sink in.
Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter. Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of
the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY..... during the Carter Administration?
Anybody? Anything? No?
Didn't think so!
Bottom line. We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency....the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember!
Ready??
It was very simple..and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.
The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977,
TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.
Hey, pretty efficient, huh???
AND NOW IT'S 2010 -- 33 YEARS LATER -- AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS "NECESSARY" DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE! (THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?")
33 years ago 30% of our oil consumption was foreign imports. Today 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports.
Ah, yes -- good old Federal bureaucracy.
NOW, WE HAVE TURNED OVER THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT?
Hello?

The Lord's Prayer.. Thanks Nita Elliott!

Thanks Nita!



Subject: Fw: Our Lord's Prayer, Merry Christmas


OUR LORD'S PRAYER
The moment you receive it, say:

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom
come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, give us this day
our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who
trespass against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us
from evil..




For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory


now and forever















Amen.

GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU, It shall be well with you this coming
year..

No matter how much your enemies including cancers try this year,
they will not succeed.

You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all
your goals this year...

For the remainder of 2010, all your agonies will be diverted and
victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance.
Today, God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows and pain
because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken
away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down.

I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me... My child!
What can I do for you? And I said,

'Father, please protect and bless the person reading this
message... '


It has never been broken. Within 48 hours send as many as you can -
God does know if you don't have 20 people to send it
to. It's the effort and intent that counts to family and friends.

This is powerful .. Couldn't hurt. Can only help..

Please do not break it....

The cxColumbus Diuspatch gave front page Metro ^&* Statye coverage to an Alan Johnson article blasting John Kasich

Headline on the Metro & State section of the Columbus Dispatch today blasted Governor John Kasich for rejecting the 400 million dollar federal government boondoggle for Ohio. The Wisconsin governor turned back 800 nmillion. I don't understand why that money can't just NOT be spent. Instead the Federal boondogglers and earmarkers give the money to other states. That is worth complaing about.

Johnson whined that many projects along the 3C corridor would not be copmpleted now. Columbus Car Co.'s CEO, complained that "Its unbelievable that these states would send back..." what he referred to as 'free money'. I pay taxes and part of that money is mine and yours. Free indeed!

Governor Kasich did the right thing. The proposed train would be slow, few people would ride, and we would still pay $17 million a year.

Whine on Libs! Please Get with the job of spending our tax money better Governor!

Sam

Taxes... Thanks John & Yvette Massey!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
It's time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline surcharge tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Death Tax
Dog License Tax
Driving Permit Tax
Environmental Tax (Fee)
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment (UI)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Gasoline Tax (too much per litre)
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Hunting License Tax
HydroTax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax
Personal Income Tax
Property Tax
Poverty Tax
Prescription Drug Tax
Provincial Income and Sales tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax
Telephone Federal Tax
Telephone Federal, Provincial and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
--- and in 2010 the HST

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?


Not one of these taxes existed 60 years ago, & our nation was one of the most
prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middle
class, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.


What in "Hell" happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'


I hope this goes aroundAMERICA at least 100 times.
YOU can help it get there.
GO AHEAD - - - be an AMERICAN

Wal-Mart vs. the Morons! He won't let me credit him

Wal-Mart vs. The Morons
1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart Every hour of every day.

2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target +Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people, is the world's largest private employer, and most speak English.

6 Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the world.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only fifteen years.

8. During this same period, 31 big supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.

9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had five years ago.

11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at Wal-Mart stores. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)

12. 90% of all Americans live within fifteen miles of a Wal-Mart.

You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to fix the economy.

This should be read and understood by all Americans Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE!!

To President Obama and ALL 535 voting members of the Legislature,

It is now official you are all corrupt morons:

A.. The U.S. Postal Service was established in 1775. You have had 234 years to get it right and it is broke.

b.. Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 74 years to get it right and it is broke.

c.. Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 71 years to get it right and it is broke.

d.. War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 45 years to get it right; $1 trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the poor" and they only want more.

e.. Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 44 years to get it right and they are broke.

f.. Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 39 years to get it right and it is broke.

g.. The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000 employees with a budget of $24 billion a year and we import more oil than ever before. You had 32 years to get it right and it is an abysmal failure.

You have FAILED in every "government service" you have shoved down our throats while overspending our tax dollars.


AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOU CAN BE TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTH CARE SYSTEM ??



MAYBE WE OUGHT TO KICK YOUR EGG-HEAD BUDDY BUMS OUT OF OFFICE AND HIRE WAL MART TO RUN THE GOVERNMENT ???



WAL MART SEEMS TO KNOW HOW TO RUN A BUSINESS.......WHY DON'T YOU GUYS JUST ADMIT IT'S WAY BEYOND YOUR PAY GRADE, AND QUIT?



Folks, keep this circulating. It is very well stated. Maybe it will end up in the e-mails of some of our "duly elected' (they never read anything) and their staff will clue them in on how Americans feel.

My Son... Thanks Bob Looney

This is good for any eve of any new day, but especially for our next year on New Years Eve, 2011! Thanks Bob Looney!



Subject: My Son!


This is great. Take a moment to read it; it will make your day!

The ending will surprise you.

Take my Son.....

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, fromPicasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art..


When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.



About a month later, just before Christmas,




There was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands..




He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly... He often talked about you, and your love for art.' The young man held out this package. 'I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.'


The father


Opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture.. 'Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift.'



The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.


The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.




On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. 'We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?'


There was silence...


Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, 'We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one.'




But the auctioneer persisted. 'Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?'


Another voice angrily. 'We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts. Get on with the Real bids!'



But still the auctioneer continued. 'The son! The son! Who'll take the son?'


Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. 'I'll give $10 for the painting...' Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.




'We have $10, who will bid $20?'




'Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters.'




The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son.





They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.





The auctioneer pounded the gavel.. 'Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!'




A man sitting on the second row shouted, 'Now let's get on with the collection!'


The auctioneer laid down his gavel. 'I'm sorry, the auction is over.'




'What about the paintings?'




'I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will... I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.




The man who took the son gets everything!'





God gave His son over 2,000 years ago to die on the Cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: 'The Son, the Son, who'll take the Son?'





Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything!




FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, WHO SO EVER BELIEVETH, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE...THAT'S LOVE




Please send this to ten people and back to the one who sent it to you.


God Bless.


If I don't get this back, I will know you really didn't read it. I got this from someone and thought the last part was really a good thought..


Too bad that the person who sent it to me did not know 10 people who would admit to knowing the Lord .

=

Cardiologist's funeral

Thanks for another, Tom & Carolyn!


Subject: FW: Cardiologist's Funeral




A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate
funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life.... A huge
heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service
as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket was rolled
inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful
heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.

When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just
thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.'


The proctologist fainted.