Subject: BLONDE MORTICIAN
JUST TOO FUNNY NOT TO SHARE.........
BLONDE MORTICIAN
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Dave Koss Thanks Ramey!
Who? David Koss. Still not ringing a bell? That is to be expected because in the world of politics, Koss is a complete nobody. An unknown.
An explanation is in order.
David E. Koss is a 42-year-old bachelor. He has no family. There is a question if he is Republican or a Democrat. It is not clear if he is even registered to vote. And, if so, in which state is he registered? His political positions on the major issues of the day are not publicly known. But he does have at least one admirable trait as will be explained shortly.
Koss is a commander in the U.S. Navy. He graduated from the Naval Academy in 1991 and is currently eligible to retire from the Navy with 20 years of service. He is also a fighter pilot and, until last week, he was the flight leader and commanding officer of the Navy's Flight Demonstration Squadron, more popularly known as the "Blue Angels."
As the world's premier flight demonstration team the Blue Angels have been impressing audiences since 1946. To date, nearly one-half billion people have watched the Blue Angels perform. About eight million witnessed their aerobatics last year.
The mission of the Blue Angels is to showcase the skills of Navy and Marine Corps aviators as an aid in recruiting.
Koss viewed his selection just over a year ago to become the next commanding officer of the Blue Angels as a dream come true. "It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity," he explained earlier this spring.
He was no different from countless other young boys who watched the Blue Angels perform when they were youngsters. It became his lifelong ambition to join the Blue Angels. Of course, he had to pay his dues along the way.
First, he had to join the Navy, gain a commission as an officer, get selected for flight training, and transition into fixed-wing tactical aircraft. Fighters, specifically. Then he had to rise through the ranks and assume command of a fighter squadron. He had to demonstrate the acumen as a premier naval aviator just to merit consideration.
He did all of the above. Eventually, he became an F/A-18 Hornet pilot. Hornets are the Navy's primary carrier-based jet that performs the dual-role of being an attack and fighter aircraft.
Before he joined the Blue Angels last September, Koss was the commanding officer of Navy Strike-Fighter Squadron (VFA)-14, the "Tophatters," based at Naval Air Station Lemoore, California. VFA-14 is one of the Navy's oldest aviation squadrons that dates back to the earliest days of naval aviation. The unit is nearly a century-old. It most recently deployed with the USS Nimitz (CVN-68) and its carrier air wing in support of U.S. operations in Afghanistan.
Koss had over 3,000 flight hours and he conducted more than 740 aircraft carrier landings. His personal decorations include the Bronze Star, Defense Meritorious Service Medal, two Air Medals with combat V, four Air Medals, two Navy-Marine Corps Commendation Medals, the Joint Achievement Medal and various campaign and unit awards. He is a veteran of Operation Enduring Freedom.
This is what is so admirable about Koss. Last week, he resigned from the Blue Angels, the job he spent his entire adult life working toward. In a statement he said he was guilty of "not meeting the airborne standard that makes the Blue Angels the exceptional organization that it is."
During the May 22 demonstration at the Lynchburg, VA Regional Air Show, the Blue Angels performed a maneuver in which several aircraft flew below the "hard deck," the minimally-acceptable altitude. The flight demonstration team immediately ended the remainder of its performance and returned to home base at Naval Air Station Pensacola, FL to immediately commence a "safety stand-down." No one was injured and no equipment was damaged.
As the squadron's commanding officer, Koss did what he believed to be the proper and honorable thing. He offered his resignation. It was accepted.
It is the extremely rare occurrence when someone holds themselves to the highest of standards and then resigns when failing to meet them.
Washington, D.C. would look a lot different if our elected officials did likewise.
Vote Dave Koss for president. What do we have to lose?
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
An explanation is in order.
David E. Koss is a 42-year-old bachelor. He has no family. There is a question if he is Republican or a Democrat. It is not clear if he is even registered to vote. And, if so, in which state is he registered? His political positions on the major issues of the day are not publicly known. But he does have at least one admirable trait as will be explained shortly.
Koss is a commander in the U.S. Navy. He graduated from the Naval Academy in 1991 and is currently eligible to retire from the Navy with 20 years of service. He is also a fighter pilot and, until last week, he was the flight leader and commanding officer of the Navy's Flight Demonstration Squadron, more popularly known as the "Blue Angels."
As the world's premier flight demonstration team the Blue Angels have been impressing audiences since 1946. To date, nearly one-half billion people have watched the Blue Angels perform. About eight million witnessed their aerobatics last year.
The mission of the Blue Angels is to showcase the skills of Navy and Marine Corps aviators as an aid in recruiting.
Koss viewed his selection just over a year ago to become the next commanding officer of the Blue Angels as a dream come true. "It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity," he explained earlier this spring.
He was no different from countless other young boys who watched the Blue Angels perform when they were youngsters. It became his lifelong ambition to join the Blue Angels. Of course, he had to pay his dues along the way.
First, he had to join the Navy, gain a commission as an officer, get selected for flight training, and transition into fixed-wing tactical aircraft. Fighters, specifically. Then he had to rise through the ranks and assume command of a fighter squadron. He had to demonstrate the acumen as a premier naval aviator just to merit consideration.
He did all of the above. Eventually, he became an F/A-18 Hornet pilot. Hornets are the Navy's primary carrier-based jet that performs the dual-role of being an attack and fighter aircraft.
Before he joined the Blue Angels last September, Koss was the commanding officer of Navy Strike-Fighter Squadron (VFA)-14, the "Tophatters," based at Naval Air Station Lemoore, California. VFA-14 is one of the Navy's oldest aviation squadrons that dates back to the earliest days of naval aviation. The unit is nearly a century-old. It most recently deployed with the USS Nimitz (CVN-68) and its carrier air wing in support of U.S. operations in Afghanistan.
Koss had over 3,000 flight hours and he conducted more than 740 aircraft carrier landings. His personal decorations include the Bronze Star, Defense Meritorious Service Medal, two Air Medals with combat V, four Air Medals, two Navy-Marine Corps Commendation Medals, the Joint Achievement Medal and various campaign and unit awards. He is a veteran of Operation Enduring Freedom.
This is what is so admirable about Koss. Last week, he resigned from the Blue Angels, the job he spent his entire adult life working toward. In a statement he said he was guilty of "not meeting the airborne standard that makes the Blue Angels the exceptional organization that it is."
During the May 22 demonstration at the Lynchburg, VA Regional Air Show, the Blue Angels performed a maneuver in which several aircraft flew below the "hard deck," the minimally-acceptable altitude. The flight demonstration team immediately ended the remainder of its performance and returned to home base at Naval Air Station Pensacola, FL to immediately commence a "safety stand-down." No one was injured and no equipment was damaged.
As the squadron's commanding officer, Koss did what he believed to be the proper and honorable thing. He offered his resignation. It was accepted.
It is the extremely rare occurrence when someone holds themselves to the highest of standards and then resigns when failing to meet them.
Washington, D.C. would look a lot different if our elected officials did likewise.
Vote Dave Koss for president. What do we have to lose?
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
Monday, June 6, 2011
The Quiz
New High School Exit Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to pass.
(Passing requires only 4 correct answers also available in Spanish too)
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below ...
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name?
Albert
8) What color is a purple finch?
Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange (of course)
What do you mean, you failed?
Me, too.
(And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIED!)
Pass this on to some brilliant friends, so they may feel useless too .
(Passing requires only 4 correct answers also available in Spanish too)
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below ...
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name?
Albert
8) What color is a purple finch?
Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange (of course)
What do you mean, you failed?
Me, too.
(And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIED!)
Pass this on to some brilliant friends, so they may feel useless too .
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Pathetic situation... Thanks Luis Flores!
Pathetic Situation
This is terrible.
Wonder why this country needs a tea-party "revival"?
The abuse of political correctness?
Symptoms of Corrupting Sickness
It would be interesting to create a poll with these two photos and have people guess what's happening. Most would never assume anything close to the real story. It appears to be a joyous homecoming, a reuniting of mother and son. The truth is not so heart warming.
The lady in the picture is the mother of an American that was ambushed in Fallujah , Iraq . Her son was murdered. His body was dragged around in the streets of the city, then burned and hung from the upper trusses of a bridge. The murderers gathered to celebrate and have their photos taken with the trophy.
The young sailor in the picture is one of the Navy SEALs that later captured the leader of the band of terrorist butchers and brought him to justice.
If the story ended there, it would still be an acceptable feel-good, good-guys-win story. Unfortunately, that's not the case - this Navy SEAL is facing criminal charges.
Because, somewhere along the timeline of his capture, the terrorist murderer suffered a school-yard fat lip, his captors are now being charged with nothing short of war crimes and facing discharge and imprisonment.
So, instead of celebration of justice served and heroes honored, these photos record betrayal, compounded mourning and the effects of a corrupting sickness.
From : SEALs assault case goes to court NORFOLK, VA "It's been very stressful," said Navy SEAL Mathew McCabe, 24, moments after his arraignment in military court at Naval Station Norfolk Monday on charges that he allegedly mistreated an Iraqi detainee.
The mother of slain Blackwater guard Jerry Zovko drove from Ohio to give each of the accused SEALs a blessed rosary and lend them her support. "These young SEALs are in this situation because they caught the mastermind behind the death of my son, and not only my son and his co-workers but also the marines who went into Fallujah after their death," said Donna Zovko. "I am very proud of these young SEALs and thankful to them. They did not do anything wrong."
May I ramble a bit? Think out loud, so to speak? I'm trying to make some sense of this. What title can I give to the mentality of a people that send their best to defend the whole and then betray them? To what shall I attribute the attitude of a people that habitually prosecute their heroes while defending their enemies? What creates a culture that allows people to vilify and isolate their most noble and deify their most corrupt?
I perceive more symptoms of a sickness, a corruption of the nation's heart and soul. I am tempted to label it 'liberalism' or 'progressivism', but those too are just symptoms of the infection. But this is nothing new, I recognized these symptoms four decades ago in the shameful treatment of our warriors returning from Vietnam, in the acceptance of Marines bombed in Beirut, in the ho-hum yawn of media coverage of Mogadishu (Black Hawk Down), in the return to mental numbness after 9/11, prosecution of the Marines of Haditha, assault of recruiters across the country, anti-war protesters at the gates of Walter Reed Army Hospital...
This sickness, this infection has gone untreated for far too long. Americans are a tolerant bunch. We've patiently waited for the ingrates among us to grow up and develop a sense of pride and awe in the greatness of America . It's not happening.
I'm tired of waiting. I'm fresh out of tolerance. There comes a time when the treatment for an infection cannot be postponed any longer, lest the patient die. Through history how many nations have habitually betrayed their defenders and survived?
Donna and I left our home at 4:00am, Monday morning and drove to Norfolk . We were in the company of four other patriots from the Raleigh area:
Don Gray of Military Appreciation Day and NC Gathering of Eagles.
Patrick Holbrook, NC Gathering of Eagles.
Russell Pope, NCFreedom.us
Randy Dye, Randy's Right Blog and NCFreedom.us
We joined a hundred or more others at Gate 5 of the Norfolk Naval Base to demonstrate support for Navy SEAL Mathew McCabe. Here are my photos.
Above: I met the SEAL's father, Marty McCabe.
After the arraignment hearings, McCabe came out to meet his supporters.
Above: McCabe and Jim Deihl, Gathering of Eagles
Thanks to Pat, Don, Randy and Russ for riding with us. Thanks to Russ and Randy for photos.
And thank you, Mathew McCabe, for your service to our country!
KEEP THIS GOING, PEOPLE!
DON'T LET IT STOP ANYWHERE UNTIL IT's BEEN AROUND THE WORLD TO EVERY TRUE AMERICAN.
Character is doing the right thing when no one is looking...
This is terrible.
Wonder why this country needs a tea-party "revival"?
The abuse of political correctness?
Symptoms of Corrupting Sickness
The lady in the picture is the mother of an American that was ambushed in Fallujah , Iraq . Her son was murdered. His body was dragged around in the streets of the city, then burned and hung from the upper trusses of a bridge. The murderers gathered to celebrate and have their photos taken with the trophy.
The young sailor in the picture is one of the Navy SEALs that later captured the leader of the band of terrorist butchers and brought him to justice.
If the story ended there, it would still be an acceptable feel-good, good-guys-win story. Unfortunately, that's not the case - this Navy SEAL is facing criminal charges.
Because, somewhere along the timeline of his capture, the terrorist murderer suffered a school-yard fat lip, his captors are now being charged with nothing short of war crimes and facing discharge and imprisonment.
So, instead of celebration of justice served and heroes honored, these photos record betrayal, compounded mourning and the effects of a corrupting sickness.
From : SEALs assault case goes to court NORFOLK, VA "It's been very stressful," said Navy SEAL Mathew McCabe, 24, moments after his arraignment in military court at Naval Station Norfolk Monday on charges that he allegedly mistreated an Iraqi detainee.
The mother of slain Blackwater guard Jerry Zovko drove from Ohio to give each of the accused SEALs a blessed rosary and lend them her support. "These young SEALs are in this situation because they caught the mastermind behind the death of my son, and not only my son and his co-workers but also the marines who went into Fallujah after their death," said Donna Zovko. "I am very proud of these young SEALs and thankful to them. They did not do anything wrong."
May I ramble a bit? Think out loud, so to speak? I'm trying to make some sense of this. What title can I give to the mentality of a people that send their best to defend the whole and then betray them? To what shall I attribute the attitude of a people that habitually prosecute their heroes while defending their enemies? What creates a culture that allows people to vilify and isolate their most noble and deify their most corrupt?
I perceive more symptoms of a sickness, a corruption of the nation's heart and soul. I am tempted to label it 'liberalism' or 'progressivism', but those too are just symptoms of the infection. But this is nothing new, I recognized these symptoms four decades ago in the shameful treatment of our warriors returning from Vietnam, in the acceptance of Marines bombed in Beirut, in the ho-hum yawn of media coverage of Mogadishu (Black Hawk Down), in the return to mental numbness after 9/11, prosecution of the Marines of Haditha, assault of recruiters across the country, anti-war protesters at the gates of Walter Reed Army Hospital...
This sickness, this infection has gone untreated for far too long. Americans are a tolerant bunch. We've patiently waited for the ingrates among us to grow up and develop a sense of pride and awe in the greatness of America . It's not happening.
I'm tired of waiting. I'm fresh out of tolerance. There comes a time when the treatment for an infection cannot be postponed any longer, lest the patient die. Through history how many nations have habitually betrayed their defenders and survived?
Donna and I left our home at 4:00am, Monday morning and drove to Norfolk . We were in the company of four other patriots from the Raleigh area:
Don Gray of Military Appreciation Day and NC Gathering of Eagles.
Patrick Holbrook, NC Gathering of Eagles.
Russell Pope, NCFreedom.us
Randy Dye, Randy's Right Blog and NCFreedom.us
We joined a hundred or more others at Gate 5 of the Norfolk Naval Base to demonstrate support for Navy SEAL Mathew McCabe. Here are my photos.
After the arraignment hearings, McCabe came out to meet his supporters.
And thank you, Mathew McCabe, for your service to our country!
KEEP THIS GOING, PEOPLE!
DON'T LET IT STOP ANYWHERE UNTIL IT's BEEN AROUND THE WORLD TO EVERY TRUE AMERICAN.
Character is doing the right thing when no one is looking...
obama's dreams... Thanks Lyle Shover!
so bad but so good!
Attached Message
Obama is in his White House bed
One night, Obama is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Barack asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.
The next night, Obama is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Obama calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, like I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.
Barack isn't sleeping well the third night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now, to help the country?" Obama pleads.
Abe replies: "Go see a play".
Attached Message
Obama is in his White House bed
One night, Obama is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Barack asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.
The next night, Obama is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Obama calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, like I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.
Barack isn't sleeping well the third night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now, to help the country?" Obama pleads.
Abe replies: "Go see a play".
Haircut Thanks Tom & Carolyn!
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop
the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses
waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left
the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there
was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy
and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up,
there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
REMEMBER POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON
If you don't forward this you have no sense of humor. Nothing bad
will happen. Now send it to everyone you know.
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop
the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses
waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left
the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there
was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy
and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up,
there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
REMEMBER POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON
If you don't forward this you have no sense of humor. Nothing bad
will happen. Now send it to everyone you know.
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