Yes, this really sounds like John Cleese... (Charter member of Monty
Python's Flying Circus) You will marvel at how he manages to insult all of
us simpletons.
The English are feeling the
pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their
security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be
raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been
"A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The
last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when
threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat
level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other
levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British
army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday
that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two
higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has
increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate
Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and
"Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the
other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about
is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..
The Spanish are all excited to see
their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass
bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish
navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!
I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is
cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final
escalation level.
Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and
tall person
And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians
are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430
BC.