Priest's Retirement Speech:You don't need to be Catholic and go to Confession to appreciate this story. Make sure you “Live by the last line!!!”A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local figure and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited: "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss's wife; had sex with his boss's 17-year old daughter on numerous occasions; taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave a STD (sexual transmitted disease) to his sister-in-law. I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people".Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk: "I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived", said the politician. "in fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession'.Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late.....
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
Priest's Retirement Speech ... Thx Lyle S and friend, Youngya K!
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
These are truly good, Judi! Thx!
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Truths for Old(er) People - Thanks, Will!
These are good!
1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing irks me more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
(Ladies .. Quit Laughing! )
It just gets better as you get older, doesn't it?
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod (with ear piece) - and how was your day?
(This is what happens when old people start using technology!)
Stop laughing and go ahead and forward this - (you know you want to)
I Would Like To Add One.
At What Point-In-Life Do We Become "OLD PEOPLE " ??
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Civil War thoughts by my friend David K ... thx David!
| L Shover | 8:29 AM (21 hours ago) | ||
| Sam Kegley | 8:41 AM (21 hours ago) | ||
| Judi Cole | 4:43 PM (13 hours ago) | ||
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12:12 AM (6 hours ago)
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Meh
The War between the States was over the Right of Secession.
Lincoln the Tyrant won. Secession was nullified as a concept of Free States agreeing to a Commercial, Political, Military and quasi-Cultural Union. The Union became compulsory with the surrender at Appomattox.
Secession was over economics. Slavery was a substantial piece of the Southern Economy.
Neither side was blameless and neither side was dignified.
One wanted to continue to enslave humans based on skin color. The other didn't care about Slavery except in so far as it could be used as a war measure to be used against the South during the War.
It only became a moral imperative AFTER it was done.
The War between the States was over the Right of Secession.
Lincoln the Tyrant won. Secession was nullified as a concept of Free States agreeing to a Commercial, Political, Military and quasi-Cultural Union. The Union became compulsory with the surrender at Appomattox.
Secession was over economics. Slavery was a substantial piece of the Southern Economy.
Neither side was blameless and neither side was dignified.
One wanted to continue to enslave humans based on skin color. The other didn't care about Slavery except in so far as it could be used as a war measure to be used against the South during the War.
It only became a moral imperative AFTER it was done.
Dave Kaelin
Author/Entrepreneur/Mentor
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