The ability to make and understand puns is considered
to be the highest level of language development. Here are the 10 first place
winners in the International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an
airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm
sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish
swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,
"Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a
fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One
says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies
"Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental
medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After
about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman delivers a set of
identical twins and decides to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they
name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on
their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across
town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close
down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to "persuade" the friars to close. Hugh beat up the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist
friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him (Oh, dude, this is so bad, it's good…..) a super calloused
fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person
who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the
puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten
did.
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