Thought
you all might enjoy these:
HOLY
HUMOUR
**A
father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the
Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know'
what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his
father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy
replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
(This one is my favorite)
=======
There was a very gracious lady
who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the
country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal
clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the
lady.
========
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of
people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a
no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a
space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
"I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a
citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for
10 years.. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into
temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up
one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The
bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While
driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of
the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the
carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and
grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
========
A Sunday School
teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about
God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten
boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father,
who does art in Heaven... "
========
A minister waited in line to
have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant
worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant
motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so
sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to
get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean.
It's the same in my business."
========
People want the front of
the bus, the back of the church, and the center of
attention.
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very
young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be
scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later
in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that
morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy
comforter is coming."
========
The minister was preoccupied with
thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money
than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.. Therefore, he was
annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been
brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to
play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have
to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the
finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and
Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we
expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please
stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled
Banner.."
And that is how the substitute became the regular
organist!
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