Written by a Former Soldier...New Direction for any
war: Send Service Vets over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old
to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to
fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military
unit until you're at least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about
sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day,
leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the
enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and
a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm
tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some enemy that
desperately deserves it will make us feel better & shut us up for a
while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before
10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so why not?. Besides, like I said,
I'm tired & can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up
killing some fanatical terrorist. If captured we couldn't spill the beans
because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number
would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to
getting screamed & yelled at & we're used to soft food. We've also
developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an
excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming &
yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course
however...I've been in combat & never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope
hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic
training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've
never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's
still learning to shave, to start a conversation w/a pretty girl. He still
hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the
back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home
to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's
way.
Let
us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an
enemy would want to see is a couple million old guys with attitudes &
automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind
them.
HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in
menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??
If
nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first
night!
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