Ramblings of a Retired
Mind
I was
thinking about how a status symbol of today is those
cell
phones
that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I
can't
afford
one. So, I'm wearing my garage door
opener.
I also
made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what
they
Call blue
teeth, I think.
You know,
I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized
that
people
didn't like me anyway.
I was
thinking that women should put pictures of missing
husbands
on beer
cans!
I thought
about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call
it
'Pumping
Rust'.
I've
gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your
chest
is falling
into your drawers!
When
people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have
you
got a
cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for
company!'
Employment
application blanks always ask who is to be notified
in
case of an
emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good
Doctor'!
I was
thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
lot
more as
they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They
were
cramming
for their finals.
As for me,
I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
Birds of a
feather flock together . . . .and then poop on your
car.
A penny
saved is a government oversight.
The older
you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by
then
your body
and your fat have gotten to be really good
friends.
The
easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy
a
replacement.
He who
hesitates is probably right.
Did you
ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are
XL.
If you can
smile when things go wrong, you have someone in
mind to
blame.
The sole
purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell
when
he's
really in trouble..
Did you
ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and
'IRS'
together
it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying
about
your age
and start bragging about it.
Some
people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I
want
people to
know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long
way
and some
of the roads weren't paved.
When you
are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your
youth,
think of
Algebra.
One of the
many things no one tells you about aging is that it
is
such a
nice change from being young. Ah, being young is
beautiful,
but being
old is comfortable.
Lord, Keep
your arm around my shoulder and your hand
over
my mouth
.
. ...
AMEN
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